Ashes and Branches

“I grow weary,” he whispers, as he lays in a nest full of ash and broken twigs. His plumage is thin, and dull, with flimsy feathers that are barely hanging on. Glassy eyes open, and almost meet his companion’s; he looks at her hairline. He’s grown old, has lost so much of himself, and is far from the spry thing he used to be. That doesn’t stop him from going through the motions, from preen what feathers remain. The fragile things crumble in his beak when he pulls too hard.

It’s not that big of a deal, even if it’s frustrating.

He knows that his end is coming, and has been holding it off. Knows that he worries his current companion, the young wizard who was tasked with caring for a broken bird. The child who seems scared to touch him, who’s scared to hurt him further. A child who’s already seen too much, at this point. A young girl who still has so much to learn.

She knows that it’s safe for him to nest in the fireplace, and has moved all the logs out of the way just in case. Sticks and thin branches were relieved of their thorns, and arranged into a pile for him, a nest that he was too tired to build himself.

She knows that this is only the beginning, that she’s going to have to watch him burn up into nothing, and it scares her.

Her bird, her Phoenix, her familiar, her guardian; he doesn’t sugarcoat things. He won’t let her flounder, and is doing his best to prepare her for what’s going to come.

“It will be painful for me, as everything is put in its original place. Everything that I ever was will burn and crumble under the flames fueled by my remaining vitality; I will be born anew, crawling out of the ashes.” There’s a soft chirp before he continues. “I will come back to you, though, you do not need to worry about losing a companion.”

The bird’s legs are spindly and frail, and he knows that they will not be able to support his weight if he needs to move. Stuck where he is, without the ability to even try to leave until he gains back the strength. Tucking his legs underneath himself, he tries to settle himself. He’s terrified, but he can’t share that with her.

It’s the same cycle, no matter what he does, he’ll end up in the same place. Small and helpless, dependent on the kindness of others. Kindness that becomes less available every time he comes back.

His current charge is so young, so innocent despite the horrors that she will experience. He hopes that she can keep that light. Being this reliant on a child is something he doesn’t like, adding more pressure, and more responsibility. He knows that it can become too much, that it could put her under.

He’s made his choices, and now the results are something that he’ll just have to deal with.

“Calm now, young one… restarting will feel good. All my aches and pains will be steamed out.” He gives a warbling little coo, before resting his head. Doesn’t mention how everything that he’s gone through in the past will be ignored. Every plucked feather, every burn will be brushed off in the future.

“Take a deep breath, and slowly let it out. Close your eyes… you’ll know when you can open them again.” He can’t hold it off any longer, not if he wants to be in control of his rebirth.

So he takes another breath, bites back a sound of fear, and burns. There’s only warmth flowing over him, curling around his hollow bones. The heat increases, becoming so overwhelming that he can’t make another sound, getting hotter, and hotter. He can’t even think.

When everything snaps into focus, it’s a relief. He still can’t see anything, can’t hear anything, but he still feels warm. Poking his head out of the pile of his ashes, he knows he made the right choice.

All of the fears that were weighing him down are something he’s finally able to let go of. He rises once more, ready to start anew.