An Angel in Her Calling... pt.2

Ziyah we need you! I need you! It’s scary that there is so many nonbelievers in our shared home called life. We need you! Please show your angelic true self to us already. I’ve been waiting especially. To find the worlds one true guardian. It’s a masterpiece of an idea. Yet for some reason our guardian is in hiding. She won’t let us know why but I’m always assuming the worst. Could it be the possibility of her being afraid and living in her insecurities still? Or maybe she has fears of how it’s the lack of faith we as people show off towards the world and all the great things it has to offer us and that most will not take her seriously for her attempts of trying to prove the world different? Maybe she’s just scared to face the world as an angel when most of her teachings are targeted to the “demons” of this place. I may not be being precise in my assumptions but I just pray for strength and wellness in Ziyah’s life. She really needs the passage of living at ease. Or maybe living at complete ease. Since in situations like this people like her truly deserve the peace we are all on the hunt for.

Maybe if the people of the world stopped shunning out possible peace, shooting down possible love in full; complete selfless love, then the extreme cases of self hating people will see greatness as that would be exampled for instead of just being left as an idea that most people don’t care to reach on their own or to even witness that greatness in their fellow people’s. It’s all so selfish and boring even to be a witness of purposely set disparity. Boring in the sense that it needs to be said loudly enough for the entire world to hear it, that purposefully setting up hardships isn’t cool or welcomed in the life that a lot of us are scared to live, embrace, enjoy and fulfill our purposes throughout it all.

We really shouldn’t ever be scared to live or embrace life but that issue has been here on my horizon for longer than a socially accepted time period. Its allowed or maybe not “allowed” but it had forced me as a child to hide away from my problems and day after day those times have now added up. I’m disappointed in myself. I had a blessing that was my past obsession. But now its so bad I just don’t care. I won’t ever push the blame... you know unless it is onto myself. For the better sake of my spiraling mental health I decided to breathe and allow for myself to get safely through the issues holding me in this chokehold of a condition of despair and sorrow. To follow up on that escape I must address the plagues that have been sending me into a state that has not yet been so far as of a beneficial happening.

I’m up but when am I ever rested from a good nights sleep? Am I on the cusp of loosing it or am I tethering towards more desperate attempts to escape and limit the headaches of where I can go because I’m such a disappointment and annoyance? Who knows but since for one I am a quick call to ruin the moment with my sadness it’s not only a hard time to talk it out and get more hurt because your amounts of pain are heavy, high, and hurtful to those listening it’s endless of a miserable mission to complete since recruiting a few new demonstrations isn’t exactly what’s called for right now. For now I’m here to declare the battleship in your honour to address and regroup the regional peace and security process that neglected me where I couldn’t hold on or let go of trying to figure it out without negotiation towards the fact we have no control over contact with problems yet for some reason I don’t think it’s going through the right direction for a moment longer.

My tenth journal entry was amazing but it was not enough to explain the passages of how terrible I feel about myself and how much I feel that way in timeframes that are so constant in my life. I decided to lie back and pray and with shared empathy a sharp young beautiful white aura gleems through the doors of my shadowed life and I’m visited by a visible angel who walks into my room unannounced but is all so welcomed in and this lovely being sits by my bed to hold my hand. She tells me her name is Ziyah and I introduce myself as Keanna. She is gorgeous and suddenly with my compliments of her in my head she fringed her face into a facial expression I had not ever seen on another. It’s body language expression told me that I was wrong to say it but it was good and appreciated. I droop and miss my cue to apologize for it because by technique that sort of inner remorse distracts me from doing the next thing in place.

Ziyah stands and smiles at me for a second. Tells me to stand too and as with her wishes I do that and she tells me to show her my hand again. Confused by her wishes I still show her my hand and as I raise my hand to place it in the air in front of her she reckons that my hand is too lonely and takes her halo off to place over my finger. She says to please remember her forever as my new hand ring is the halo she no longer wants. Crying as she tells me how pure and precious I am and by how much she is okay with me taking over her abilities as everything else in the world is horrid in ways we both can’t stand but she wants to stand down and see me do it for her since her sadness is growing and sadness is not to be going through this kind. She promises me the world and she tells me that I am able to fulfill her own self fame as in her faults she is too weak to do it by her own so she admitted to me she had her eyes on me through a guardian ship for quite some time and really wanted for me to make my prayers on her for her to show up to me and present the truest form of her wishes for someone else. All endearing and all peaceful.

I’m not surprised that I was visited tonight but am still having a time trying to breathe through the flames of what life brought on controlling vibrations towards us that aren’t all that good enough to keep rotating about me, my life, and filling space. Energy wise but it’s broken down so strongly that it makes nothing worse than incomplete love a story about how much I hate to be with myself in a constant struggle with being who I am. Who I am is yet to be found out on the inside scale of how to inclose a nice chance with a good ideal. Since barring any sort of rendezvous at this point we are unsure of if only that I move slower than slowly that I can get to risk my pain in a constant wake where it has to become so much stronger and more important to me so I can gravitate toward my life as my will for being faithful will only become more helpful and my dependence on seeing bright things that doesn’t really exist.