All About My Bruises (pt 5)

CHAPTER FIVE

One Year Later

I had the kind of wedding that girls only dreamt about. My wedding was the talk of the town. Anybody who was somebody was heavily represented on my wedding day. The result of that was that I felt like a stranger at my own wedding. I did not know anyone and as Sam continued to introduce me to so many people, I tried to smile and look civilized and sophisticated like I knew Sam liked, but it was very hard. Every time I felt choked by the many attending strangers, I searched around frantically for a familiar face and my eyes always came to rest on my father or Oge. I had begged for her forgiveness which she did not give since I refused to forget the wedding, but she agreed to be my bridesmaid.

My family came for the wedding. Sam sent money through me to my father to pay for the transport of anyone from my village that wanted to come and many of them did. I could however tell that they were very uncomfortable at the event. Not that anyone insulted them or went out of their way to make them uncomfortable. They were just not used to the lavish spending that Sam did for the wedding. I could understand their discomfort for I felt that way too. They were from a humble village that did not have much money to spend or where to spend it. The extravagant spending that took place in the city wedding was overwhelming to them.

My mother was the most restless of them all. A fight almost broke out between my mother and another woman. It happened that the son of the woman identified as lady Agbo made fun of my mother's head tie. The little rascal asked her why she was wearing a dishrag on her head. When my mother scolded him, he started howling for his mother who came rushing to his rescue. People gathered and tried to console the little boy while condemning my mother with their eyes from scolding a little harmless boy. Oge came to the stage where I was sitting to tell me. I was first embarrassed by my mother's behaviour, and then I was disgusted by my own embarrassment. My mother was not the wrong person. That little chinch was. I told Oge to take her and my father to a place where they could stay without disturbance and she did. Oge later told me that she did not give the little boy any cake.

I knew that Sam was rich but I did not know that he was that rich. The wedding was a blatant show of his wealth with key artists like Flavour, MI, Wizkid, Sheyi Shay and comedians like Basketmouth and AY performing. His American classmates also came. He made me import a wedding dress from a famous wedding dressmaker from Spain. He said he wanted his wife to have the very best. Sam was so sweet and very attentive. We had the wedding in a very big church at Onitsha after Sam had gone to see my father pay the bride price and refund Ozo's after. We had three weeks honeymoon in Dubai where Sam proceeded to spoil me with things. He bought me things that were so costly that I was afraid to touch them.

My wedding was most girls' dream wedding but it was not mine. I did not enjoy it. Indeed, it was not really my wedding as it was Sam's mother or Tracy's as they were all out partying or showing off Sam's wealth to his equally wealthy friends. I felt as out of place as an extra toe on a foot and my darling husband did not notice it. But then, I did not tell him and I knew he was not psychic.

Now we were back and I was still basking in marital bliss. Sam loved to show me off. He bought me teasing and flattering short gowns and hot mini skirts. He said he wanted me to always look hot as befitting his wife. Since it showed that he cared, I did not want to tell him that I did not like all the short things that he bought me to wear. They made me feel next to naked but they were given to me in love and I would wear them with love and I refuse to think of them any other way. I did my best to indulge him. I also noticed that Sam had a very high sexual appetite. Maybe I was not built for sex but that was neither here nor there. I did not enjoy the actions that took place in the marriage and Sam was not helping matter but what to do? It was my conjugal duty. I was just annoyed that Sam never cared for my pleasure or how I felt about the act. Well, some men are not careful lovers or attentive in their loving and it seemed that Sam was one of them.

He nearly tore me apart the first time we went to bed. It was in a hotel room, a very expensive hotel. After he tore his way through my hymen, he had the mind to pause and had said, "Sorry, I didn't know that you were a virgin. That's hard to believe by the way."

Sam handed me down from his big, black BMW and gave the keys to the man waiting to park the car. I did not care to look around to know that latest happening place Sam has deemed worthy of his presence. Anywhere we went, we created a sensation. We were almost the same height, but, if I wore my stilettos, I could be a little taller than Sam. He asked me not to wear things that would make me taller than he was. We were ushered in by the doorman. Immediately we entered into the place, cheers, ear-splitting ones, went up for the latest best couple. Sam sucked in all the attention. The entire males there were eyeing me. I could feel it. I was wearing a hot, red gown that stopped so many sinful inches above my knees. The gown clung to me like a second skin. I matched it with flat smooth leather sandals that flattered my long legs. Sam insisted that I use professional make-up artists whenever I want to go out into the place with him. My long Brazilian human hair was paced into a ponytail so that my necklace and diamond earrings could be displayed to their fullest advantage. I have stopped being stunned at how beautiful I looked when those professionals got through with me. Their eyes stripped me in their mind. Sam was proud of me. My cleavage was not only showing from the daring gown, it was threatening to spill out. The place was full of drunks and wanton women. Sam left me to my own means and went to find his own fun. This was that part where the men would start hitting at me aggressively, and I would try my best to politely refuse. I hated it.

I found myself a bar seat as usual. From here, I would sit and watch everything happening like the manager of the establishment. The bartender brought me a glass of the complimentary wine and sipped at it as I watched my husband move around in the place that was familiar to him and alien to me.

"So you came with Sam? You must be very lucky," commented a very drunken female that reeked of spirit. She was sitting on the seat at my back so I did not see her or I would not have sat there at all. If she would just take the blue dress just a notch lower, we would know that exact colour of her nipple. She looked beautiful and I was disgusted.

I, on the other hand, did not know what to tell the woman. Should I tell her yes that I came with Sam or should I point out to her that I did not come with Sam but I came with my husband or should I tell the nosy thing off? She offended my sense of morality. I offended my sense of morality. At last, I decided that she was not worth the time it would take me to tell her that I was married to Sam.

"I came with Sam." She was not a very tall woman. Ok, so she was short. I wanted to be polite. She looked like ..... but then so many people of that ilk frequent these kinds of places looking for good business.

"I envy you my shishter. Sham, for me and for all the girlsh in thish room is the besht catch of the yearsh. It is a pity that he got married. But I bet that for shomeone like Sham, a wife will not shtop him from having "fun." She leaned on the counter and took a swing at the source of her intoxication. I did not want to pay attention to what she was doing with the "s" sound as she spoke. It must be because of the drink but either way, it was not flattering on her.

She drew out the "fun" to let me know that it was not ordinary beach fun or any other fun but the kind of fun mothers warn their children not to have no matter what until they marry. I wondered how much fun Sam has had with the woman.

I was not even talking to the woman. She just kept talking. I could not just stand up to leave her there. That would be very rude and I did not like being rude. Looking at the woman, I was trying not to be rude, and I smiled. I was just trying to deceive myself. I did not want to leave her because I did not want to stand alone and have any man walk up to me. I endured her as I looked at Sam flirting with a woman in a red piece of lingerie that she called clothe. The thing she called clothe has no back. She must have forgotten it on her way to the place. She was leaning into Sam, giving him the full front view of her Manchester. Sam was not just looking at the show: he was ogling, leering at the woman.

"I pity the woman that married Sham; he ish not the type that can be tamed. He ish a man that ish meant to be left free. He should belong to every woman. Look at him. He is sho handsome it is hard not to fall in love. But I do not fall in love. I am immune to that shtuff,' she said with a scoff. For one drunk, she made a kind of sense for I do right now while looking at Sam; pity the woman that married him. But that did not stop me from scowling at the woman.

If you do not shut up this woman, I will break this glass of rat-tail on your fine Brazilian hair.

I was simply tired of the woman behind me. She did not know that she did not have to inform me of the fate of Sam's wife. I was the wife. I looked around at the club. I did not know the name of the club but I was sure it was very exclusive.

"Look at how that woman is sho all over him like a fly on shit. She is so wrapped around him like a winter fur. I am quite jealoush of her. I wonder what hish wife will think if she should she Sham now? I bet she must be pisshed."

Oh, I was pissed, so pissed I expected smoke to come out of my head. I looked at the source of my anger. I realized that I was not angry at Sam for looking at a woman's breast the way he was. I was angry because he was not subtle.

"I heard that she ish very tall jusht like you. My friend shwore that if she should wear any type of hill, she would be taller than Sham. Can you imagine? There ish even a rumour that Sham asked her not to wear hillsh and shtand beshide him. She must be very docile. Sham chose well." She concluded with a slur.

You are right on that one sister. I am very docile.

"I am going over to see if anybody can buy me a drink. I bet Sham"sh wife is asleep in bed waiting for her hushband." She laughed like she just cracked a nice joke. I grimaced. She took it as a smile. Before she could go her way, I called her back.

"The very docile, pissed, tall and perfect wife that Sam married is I. Thanks for your opinion of me and my husband. Good evening."

I could not enjoy the reaction of that remark for she was quite drunk. I looked at her with disgust and left. I was done with club things for the day. Sam would have to come and meet me in the car if he could tear away from the breasts to do that. I knew I would wait for him a very long time but I was determined to do that. I could not stand one more minute of this embarrassment.

I have long come to the conclusion that I did not like the world Sam rolled in. It was a world where men, rich men, pawned women, where a man would proposition a married woman with her husband right behind her, a world where men wore desire in their eyes like goggles, where they ogled women with unabashed desire. I have gotten so many propositions from these top men of Nigeria that I have lost count. They spent a lot of money here. They didn't normally have mineral but if they have, it was sold at a very unbelievable price. I would not buy a thing there with my money, my hard-earned money if my life depended on it.

For the first year of my wedding, Sam was the perfect husband. He gave me the best of everything. I was happy. We lived in a very big house in a GRA where Sam has his own bank. My happiness, however, lasted for only the first year of my marriage. At the beginning of the second year, I was bored with being an ordinary housewife and occasional handbag. Sam went to work very early in the morning and came in very late in the night. I was tired of being alone. I have read so much that the very sight of books bored me. I wanted to do something but Sam did not want me to do anything and I did not want to argue with him again about it. I was only eighteen but I felt like I was thirty.

It then occurred to me that I was still very young. I was an art student who has read more than the average art student. I then decided that I would take my WAEC examination and be useful to myself. It did not take me long to contact Oge and ask her to register me for WAEC. I was going to take the examination that very year. And I was going to do it in secret because I did not want Sam to find out and start bugging me about it. I have come to the conclusion that Sam would not like me educated at all. He wants to have me as his housewife, very docile, very bare-footed and very pregnant.

Sam's house was located in number four Johnson Street in a new government reserved area called GRA. At first, I was afraid to touch anything that was in the house and Sam delighted in telling me the price of everything that was in his house. I did not know that one could show off his wealth to his wife. Indeed, when he called out the prices, I was stunned speechless and I thought he liked it a lot. He told me that the house cost him half a billion. Looking at the house, I could see it costing that much and more. It was two storeys with a pool. It has six bedrooms and one insanely huge master bedroom. The living room was like the whole of my house in the village combined. Everything in the house was intimidating, even the plates and pots. I did not like that kind of spending but I did not tell him any of that.

But what scared me the most in the house, for I was scared of everything, was the TV. Oh yes! It was a monster. He told me that he bought it for half a million. Why someone would want to buy the TV for that amount was what I did not know. The TV was curved and fine and just scary. It was strategically hung on the wall in the living room to look at anyone that would not look at it and I tried not to look at it.

To put it simply, I did not like the house at all. It was not the type of house I dreamt to live in when I got married. I wanted to stay in a house where I could clean myself and with just enough rooms to contain me and my family, not something that looked very lonely and intimidating and made me very house conscious. I did not want any of that. I did the only smart thing I could think about. I avoided the house and everything in it as much as possible.

Right now, I was waiting for a call from Oge. I knew I was being a pain in the neck to Oge but I couldn't help myself.

My phone rang and I picked it immediately. I jumped from the couch as if it just suddenly caught fire to grab that latest Iphone7 that Sam bought for me. I hoped it was her.

"Hello?" God was kind to me. It was Oge and she was very excited so that was good news as far as I was concerned. But then Oge was always excited whenever she answered my call. She knew that I called her when my spirit needed to be lifted and, recently, it has been in need of lifting. I hoped she had good news for me.

"I have gotten a place for you in Queen's College, Enugu. You said you wanted a place with a population. That one should be good."

It would be more than good. I folded my floral skirt around me. I was wearing a flay skirt and plain polo. I did not care much for fashion but Sam wanted me to. I only wore what I want when he was not around. He expected me to dress up well whenever we were going out which was right but that did not make me like it better.

Oge was done with her WAEC but she was still waiting for admission. She took JAMB but the score was not enough to fetch the course she wanted. So she was planning to take another JAMB next year.

"It will do wonderfully, honey. Thanks very much. I wonder what I would have done without you in my life. Let me call you right back. I have so missed talking to you and yes, I know I talked to you yesterday but that was such a long time ago." And it was the truth about my married life. Oge has been my real rock of ages.

"What are friends for? Besides, I feel very honoured to help my very good friend. I really don't have anything to do for a long time. Staying at home is not very cool, Adaeze. Well, call right back. Do you need to arrange for sorting?"

I smiled to myself. I did not need sorting or whatever they called it. Sorting was what students that have not read their books for the exams did so they could pass and it was very common in Nigeria. They paid the invigilators to allow them to get answers from outside the exam hall. It was an appalling behaviour that was widely accepted but I was not going to be a part of it. It was as common as the collection of fifty naira from the public transport drivers by the honourable Nigerian police. I have been doing nothing but cooking, cleaning and pressing the phone since I married Sam. Since I did not have much to do, I devoted my days and time to reading and I have done a lot of that. I knew I could write the exam without extra help. And I told her so when I called her back. I knew that if I did not cut the call, Oge would never stop talking. She was funny that way.

"No. I shall write this with my head. That is the least I can do after spoiling my life like this. I know I can do it. I have been doing nothing with my spare time but reading so I think I can take whatever secondary school throws at me." I told her when I called back. She did not even let the phone ring before she picked it up.

"But Adaeze is he that bad to you? I hear that he is a good man. I was even beginning to think that you were really lucky."

I sighed. Oge did not know the other half and I was not about to tell her that. She did not know that Sam has a lot of façades that people do not even know about. To his friends and family, he presented the face of a caring, loving husband that came home to his new wife not later than ten-thirty but I knew better. Sam was a born hypocrite and he has no caring bone for her in all his body. I have accepted that but it did not make it painless. But then, as I have been telling myself for the past year, I signed in for this.

"He is not bad; I just need to find something to do with my time. He does not love me or anything. I certainly do not love him, you already know that. But I don't want to leave or divorce him. That will be a disgrace to me and my family and besides; I need the financial support that comes with being Mrs Aninze. If I leave him, how will I cope? My people do not believe in a woman leaving her husband no matter what." And that was the plain unembellished truth.

"Ya, I get what you mean. It is not fair though. I promised myself that I would not tell you this but I can't help myself. I told you so!" she sighed.

She did tell me so. Actually, she sang to me so. When I was determined to marry Sam, Oge was determined to make me see sense. But then, I was a very stubborn being.

"I too thought it was high time you said that to me. You did tell me so my friend. Thank you very much again. You are an asset."

"An asset that you will not listen to or buy iPod for. What a great asset I am!" Oge sighed heavily and dramatically again. One would think, hearing her sigh, that something horrible has happened to her. "By the way, is he back yet? I don't think he is with you the way you were talking about him."

I looked at the big irritating golden clock and grimaced at the time. The clock was irritating because it was always singing and I did not appreciate a clock that could not just do one thing and that was telling the time. If I needed a song, I could play one on my phone or radio.

"He is not yet back. It is still nine-thirty. If he comes back by this time, then something must be very wrong. Call me in the next three hours and he will be just back by then."

"I can't help it baby girl but I feel bad for you. I will not like to have a husband like that. When I marry, I will like my husband to be there at least half of the day. And yes, I have been meaning to ask you, why don't you want to have kids? Kids will fill up your spare time and besides, I thought you love kids?"

Oge liked jumping from one subject to another and sometimes, it was very hard to keep up with her line of thought. Like now, I was so thrown off by the question she just asked that it took me some time to get myself together and answer the question. I did not want to lie to the only confidant I have in the whole wide world; so I told her the brutal truth.

"I do but Sam does not want any now. He does not want to spoil his bachelor image. He still wants to be a playboy."

I could actually hear her grimace. "Did he tell you all this?"

I laughed at that. Sam would never come out and say it to me like that but he showed to me through the way he behaved and acted in and out of bed. "Not silly, I just surmised since he still wants us to be using protection. I know I am ready whenever he is."

"That's so sweet of you. I remember you told me in school that you wanted to have five or six children. I still hope you get your heart's wish."

I smiled wistfully at that. I had big dreams then. I even wanted to be a lawyer.

"Me too Oge but all wishes are not meant to be fulfilled."

"If Sam is not back by this time of the night, when does he get home? It's awfully late even for a banker."

"It's still nine Oge. He comes home around ten to twelve. I am used to it." Sometimes, he came home by one in the morning but I did not tell Oge that. She should get the general idea that he came home late from what I told her.

"No kidding, do you stay awake to feed him when he comes back?" she sounded incredulous.

"Oge, the man happens to be my husband. Of course, I stay awake to feed him." It was a ritual I started from the advice my mum gave for keeping my husband happy. I guess Sam liked the action too much that he expected me to have food for him all the time of the day.

"I love you, Adaeze and I want the best for you; but believe this darling, I don't want to be in your shoes. I shudder. It will take me only two months to put a space between his shoulder and where his head used to be. You are a saint for putting up with it. I still maintain that Sam does not deserve you. You are too good to be true. I mean, if it were me, girl, he will die of heart failure and no one will know the importance of a dollop of rat poison."

I smiled. She was a very willful lady. Oge always knew the way to warm my now constantly sad heart. I was indeed being very good to Sam. He never came home by ten. It was either eleven or twelve and he expected to be served food by me. I did not mind. I find it hard to sleep in such a big house alone by the way. Having Sam around made sleeping possible. But I would not mind getting that sleep a little earlier.

"Girl, I need to go. I will come over tomorrow and give the documents for the WAEC thing. I am already sleepy. God, how do you do that?" I smiled when I detected a pinch of admiration in her voice. I knew what she was asking but I wanted her to name it.

"Do what," I asked.

"How do you stay awake waiting for that good for nothing man of yours? Sorry to sound harsh but I still do not like that man. I don't think I will ever like him. He is too slim and he has shifty eyes."

"Which ones are shifty eyes?" I burst out laughing. Oge was very funny and strange in her use of words. She used expressions that I would never associate with a thing in a million years. She would just say something out of the blues as she did now.

"Eyes that are never honest. I believe in looking into the eyes to find the truth. Sam's eyes are shifty. He can never look me in the eyes while talking."

"Oge, you are always scowling at him and giving him the evil eyes. How do you expect him to look at the eyes that would kill him were they guns?" I smiled.

"Those are my sexy eyes," she said with a laugh.

Oge was right as usual. Sam never looked me in the eyes even when he proclaimed his love; he looked somewhere behind my ears. I am already so used to it that I did not pay it much attention anymore. Apparently, Oge still did.

"I entered into this marriage with my two eyes open. They were not shifting. I planned to make it work, that was why I endured it."

"I hope you do not plan to die trying. Your eyes might not be shifting when you married Sam but it will soon be crossed. My new adage is now, "Show me your eyes and I will tell you who your husband is."

"There are times that we have no choice but to give up like when everybody knows that your husband is cheating on you big time." Oge insisted and I knew she was right.

That hurt. I knew but to have it voiced out brought it all crashing down on me again. I inhaled and counted to five before answering her statement. I did not like lying to Oge but I knew that was what I was about to do. I did not want any pity from anybody even from Oge. I refused to be pitied.

"It is not as if it is proven that he is cheating on me. The truth is that I do not really care. Okay, maybe I do but you don't have to rub it in." I was slightly annoyed.

"I am not trying to make you unhappy. I am trying to tell you that there are times when you just give up. I want you to be happy but Sam is not what the doctor ordered".

"I know. Don't you think I feel bad when my husband comes back by twelve in the night reeking of rose perfume? I do but what can I do? I don't have the gut or what is required to do that. Without a job or any means of supporting me, do you think I can file for a decent divorce? I have it under shaking control. Leave it to me."

"If you say so girl, I just hope that your control is not that shaky. You know you could go back to your family and they will be happy to have you back. Your family is never like Sam's; they will be happy to have you back."

Oge did not know how much I wanted to do that. I wanted to go home and cry to my mum and dad and let them console me. I wanted to tell them that Sam was not good to me and that they should return my bride price. I wanted that so much but I could never do that. I did not want to go back to them with the shame of a failed marriage. That would soil my family name beyond redemption. It could even limit the marriage prospects of my siblings and I did not want that. I did not want my father to look at me and say that he told me so or my mother to have to bow in shame when people taunt her about her child that ran away from her husband's house. I knew they would do that. I told Oge half of it.

"I know that. I just don't want to be a burden to them. I have given up my right to go back to school. If I go and stay at home, I will just be a shame to my family. I want to be someone, someone good before I go back to them. I owe them an apology and I can't do that now."

I knew Oge would not understand and when she didn't understand people's actions, she would just leave the topic. She told me that whenever it happened; that she just decided that the person knew what was best for her or him.

"If that is what you think, then I won't stop you. Just know when to give up and go home. Well, I am off for my night date with Henry. That guy is so hot, he should be outlawed," Oge said with pure unconcealed glee. "I am cooking him dinner."

I did not want to point out to her that she was just, some minutes ago, about to go to bed. I knew all about Oge's love life. She loved to talk about the men in her life with me. The Rex guy started asking her out in the agency she was working for as she waited for admission; Mike the snacks guy who loved to eat snacks instead of real food; Dan, the editor that did not know how to make a correct English expression and Jude, the banker that reminded her so much of Sam. She said she could not stand that man. She was then seeing Henry, the big guy who liked local food. I just hoped that he would not break her heart. But then, Oge never allowed a man to break her heart. She did the breaking. "I am happy for you girl. Get me something from your date."

"I could kiss the guy for you. It is only fair since you never got to kiss a real guy before you settled for Sam. Anyway, call me later. I shall tell you how the date went when I call you tomorrow. Mind you, Henry is a great guy. I know he will be greater if he will just stop eating "abacha," garri, fufu and all types of African local food. The guy was brought up in Germany but he is a village man by spirit. I have prepared more "Abacha" and "Ede" soup than I did in the whole of my life and I have only known him for two months. Bye, dear."

"Bye honey."

And then she was gone. I felt this mantle of loneliness drop on me. It felt choky. I was suffering in this relationship. I had long since realized that. There was nothing for me here. I was only better than a maid for Sam, a mistress if you add the sex and other things. I was not valued. I could not even work. And I was only eighteen. That meant that if I let it go on, it would only last for about ... forever. That did it.

I did not want to spend my life doing only what Sam wished. I already have a plan and I hoped that it would work. It had to. I knew I have been selfish but I was ready to make amends. After studying Sam for the past year, I have mapped out a plan on how to make my life useful and still be his obedient wife. The plan might have some loopholes in it but it was the best I could come up with, for now.

I noticed the way Oge sounded about Henry. I have heard Oge swear on our hostel matron in our secondary school that it would be over her married body to cook for a man. She was not married and she was cooking for this Henry person. I just hoped that he was a good man because I could see that Oge was taking the love plunge. I would not want her to get hurt. She did not have to tell me that she was in love with her new boyfriend. I could see it or rather; hear it from the way she talked about the guy. Not that I knew much about love. In fact, I did not know anything about love.

I lay down on the soft couch and glared at the ceiling. In the next minute, I was glaring at the oriental brawn rug that was in the living room. I was restless. I kept turning on the couch until I turned myself to sleep.