A Treasury of New Words and Terms for Burned-Out (Adult) Children

Greetings and Welcome, language lovers.

Following the Neolomicro Challenge, I was left with a lot of bizarre definitions that I thought might give some of you a chuckle. These are the offcuts that I ran out of time / inclination to pursue. I hope you enjoy them, and that they can be the start of a glorious new dictionary for these beleaguered times.

Sycofancy - a style of dress adopted by disingenuous people when they try to get on your good side.

Rejaculate - to get off to video footage of yourself performing a sexual act. [See also: Refried Creams]

Cringe Benefits - unexpected (and rare) advantages caused by being in the company of overly dramatic and entitled people. (James made such a fuss to the driver about being 3 minutes late that we got ten bucks off the fare so...cringe benefit, I suppose?)

Hoax-Cuisine - cheating by way of ordering-in and using ready meals to pretend to be a great chef.

Nopamine - the happy chemicals one receives when one actively decides not to engage in society and indulges in a cosy night in. [I'm pretty certain this MUST be pre-existent.]

Grommel - a beautiful and cosy beast of the forest; the FUPA.

Slap of Luxury - the immediate feeling of sadness when you enjoy something immensely but realise that it is beyond your purchasing power.

Glitch Slap - when technology ruins your day.

Bombtage / Blowreel - the footage of every failure in your life that plays in your head (often to a jaunty tune) as you begin to fall asleep.

Vomniscient - when someone is so well-informed that they make you feel physically sick.

Autohellatio - the act of vigourous self-loathing while alone.

Cumbersation - small talk rendered impractically heavy/stuck/weighty due to the baggage or truths divulged by your fellow conversationalist.

[Example of cumbersation:

1: That was a lovely meal, great choice! Have you eaten here a lot?

2: Yeah it's great! We used to come a lot more, but then Jasmine told me that she had been seeing a therapist nearby to get over her profound fear of spending the rest of her life with me, so we don't come as often as we used to. Luckily, now her mother has gone into the home the frisson of mortality had forced her to reassess her expectations and acknowledge that there's security in our relationship. She says 'Once passion dies, a steady paycheck is better than a doorway." So that's great, I get to come back here on date-night!

1: *intentionally fascinated with the candle on the table* This...looks like one of those wax candles, I think. D'you reckon they used wax here?

2: Tonight I might get to sleep beneath the sheets

1: ______

2: Hahahahaha, this is fun. Thanks for coming to our wedding anniversary.

1: *eats candle*]

Shiverdance - the rare jerking (a myoclonic jerk) that precedes sleep.

Muckulent - particularly filthy / juicy / salacious - pertaining to gossip.

Pounsel - advice that the deliverer had nearly killed themselves in holding back unto the point of delivery. Accompanied by a whooshing gust of self-confidence, and often unrelated to the topic of conversation, as the pounsellor has not been listening.

Brotato - An Irish Man.

Glowbedient - when you are perfectly organised and prepared for a routine encounter with authority and your willingness to cooperate makes you look inadvertantly suspicious. [Example - an encounter with Customs and Immigration at the airport.]

Contrascension - when someone with vastly less experience / knowledge of a subject matter presumes to instruct you.

[See also: 'Who is this prick'-tus - a quiet smile that women wear in a professional setting when male colleagues are talking over them and being incorrect.]

Foolfilment - self-defeating/self-deceiving ways that human adults try to find meaning and happiness in the world. Can be in any form, as nearly all good things are in some way bad for us. My main forms of foolfilment were vodka and red wine.

Flopportunity - an endeavour that might be advantageous to pursue if capitalism had left you with any spare energy after basic survival. Multiple missed flopportunities might amount to foolfilling behaviour, however. [conversely, see also: Nopamine.]

Shamorous - when you're not particularly in the mood for sex but you pretend to be.

Slackstabbing - bitching about a colleague via in-house messaging system.

Liarrhoea - a gush of lies caused by the uncovering of an initial lie. (So you left him because he lied once? Nope, I left him because he had incurable liarrhoea.)

Culpabumble - When a line-manager acts humble in front of their boss because they are blaming YOU for a mistake that they made.

Aromescence - The smell associated with a new emotional state / the physical sensation caused by someone's smell.

Craprosanct - rules and institutions that continue on for some reason and cannot be challenged (see 'What side should I hang my toilet roll?')

Teacock - someone who glories in the gossip they impart.

Instagraine - a headache, sensitivity and nausea (physical or spiritual) caused by overt Instagram scrolling