A Silent Violin

Traces of song travel in the wind seeped with sorrow and echoes of heartache that pierce my ears as I look out into the sea. Even after all these years I am left to wonder why.

I was not supposed to be there, on that ship. Just as in most of my life I was not supposed to be where I was. My mother gave birth to me in alleyway alone and destitute. My father was never known to me nor I to him. I was raised in a convent and then sent to live with Seaman’s Orphanage for Boys in Southampton, Hampshire in Great Britain, as the nuns told wardens at the home that my father was a British seaman who perished while on duty. It is there that I learned to play music though I did not take to the marching band drummers and bugle boys that the home was known produce.

Instead, I fell passionately for the strokes of the violin that I would play endlessly to ease the pain of my unloved life. There was little affection at the orphanage and tears were slapped off your bloody face if the warden saw one on steam out of an eye. All feelings were kept to oneself and perhaps that is why when I played, I could breathe my life again in the sounds of Mozart, Bach and even lullabies as I entrusted my bow carefully across the strings.

The spring I turned fifteen I knew that I needed to leave the home that was really a prison. All the boys were being schooled into soldiers for the Royal Army and I had no interest in a more restrictive environment such as military. When I was cleaning the lunchroom, someone had left behind an issue of Popular Mechanics magazine which had an article about the Titanic, the ship that was unsinkable. The vessel would be sailing out of Southampton the second week in April. I read the story with anticipation and poured through the rest of the magazine where I found an advertisement looking for musicians who wanted to travel the world to apply to C.W. & F. N. Black. The next day I packed up my instrument (which actually belonged to the orphanage) and what little in life I had accumulated. The Titanic was scheduled to depart in less than a week and I wanted to be on it.

When I arrived at the firm of C.W. & F.N. Black I could tell the American who took my application was not interested in hiring me outright. The question of my age came up more than once as the burly man with spectacles looked me over from behind a large mahogany desk

“How old are you again, young fella?” he asked again as he flipped over the pages of my application.

“Awe mate, let me play for you!" I then took out my violin.

He closed his eyes and moved along wistfully as I slowly glided the bow across my shoulder instrument in harmony to strum out “Amazing Grace,” with as much feeling as I could muster.

“Okay, tell you what” he announced when I finished. “I will let you on the ship, as a backup player only in case one of the others gets sick or backs out. You are not supposed to be there! The company, the White Star Line will only pay for eight musicians, but I can’t chance if one of them gets seasick. These boys have never played together, but I think they will take care of you. Be at the dock on April 10th after sunrise and I will get you on that ship. Again, little fella, tell no one, you are not supposed to be there!”

I danced out of that office and tried to click my heels in the air only to nearly fall on my face. I was ready to go and get far away from South Hampton. For the next week I lived on the streets and ate from the alleyways where the pub cooks would empty their trash. I kept my head low, I don’t know if the home ever looked for me or even noticed I was gone, but I knew for certain I was not going back.

The morning of April 10th I arrived before sunset and caught sight of the enormous ship and all her majesty. I could not believe the picture from Popular Mechanics was in front of me. She glistened in the early morning suns glow. I found the American lad from the firm as he was waiting on the docks with an armful of suit garment bags. He was talking to a shipmate and as soon as I ran down, he came over.

“Ah, Charles, is it? Here you go handing me several of the bags. Take these on for the band and come back for the others!” as he nodded to the ship mate and handed me the suits.

He crouched down and whispered in my ear, “Stay on the ship, keep one of these jackets on you at all times! Remember you are not supposed to be there!”

I nodded and held the jackets tight. He gave me the room number on the second-class section where all the musicians were staying. I tried to contain my excitement as I boarded and held garments. I reached the room and was the first to arrive. I still had my violin. I hung the suits in the closet. Another ship worker brought in the other garment bags unaware of what the American had said to his mate. I looked at the names on each of the bags with their names and what they played;

Theodore Ronald Brailey-Pianist

Roger Marie Bricox-Cellist

John Frederick Preston Clarke- Bassist

Wallace Hartley- Violinist, Bandmaster

John Law Hume-Violinist

Georges Alexander Krins-Violinist

Percy Cornelius Taylor-Cellist

John Wesley Woodward- Cellist

Then I saw my own name;

Charles W. Brown-Violinist

I pulled out the jacket right away and tried it on. It swam on me as it went was meant for a full -grown man, but I would not take it off. I tucked the cuffs underneath and then did the same when I put the pants. I took out my violin. The ship mate brought a list of the songs for the band and I opened the book which had over 300 tunes that all players were expected to know for the first -class passengers. I recognized "The Beautiful Blue Danube" and started to let my bow glide to the melody. I moved with the sound closing my eyes in the hopes that I would get a chance.

“Not bad little mate!" I turned around in embarrassment to see three of the musicians; John Wesley, Georges and Percy were standing in the doorway balancing their instruments as they stood clapping.

“Don’t tell me White Star has resorted to child labor!” Percy was cracking a grin.

“No mate, only if one of you gets ill, then I can fill in!” I watched as three nodded to each other with grins on their faces and eyebrows raised.

Wallace the band leader was the next to arrive and he also smiled when I told him what my position was.

“Can’t say I’m surprised, but we will take care of you kid. You just need to lay low and keep your suit jacket on at all times. You will be a silent violin in the background” He then pulled out his own instrument with many wows and jeers coming from the group.

“My fiancée bought me this last year for our engagement.” as he removed the violin out of its leather case and held it up to his shoulder. The band members opened up their instruments and they let me join in until the other performers arrived. We played in harmony and it was something magical. I remember looking out on the window while passengers arrived, I was not supposed to be here, but it was here I belonged.

Over the next few days. I would venture out only when I knew the band was on rest. I could get something to eat in kitchen where the staff held food for the band. I would look out at the ocean off the side deck and see great possibilities of the life I was headed towards.

One afternoon as I heading back in from the deck, I did make eye contact though it was something I was trying to avoid. As I was coming through the door I ran into a woman in one of those large hats. She was older, I would say thirty or so. Her peach hat was full of flowers and feathers as so many were with the first-class female passengers. Maybe that was why she caught my attention, then I heard her say; “I know you! You are that boy from the Seamen’s Home they are looking for. I saw a poster on a light pole before we left.”

I shook in astonishment, “No, no you are mistaken!”

She looked at me again and nodded with a stiff upper lip. I pushed past and ran back to second class section and then to the cabin. I did not venture out to the deck after that.

Instead, I would shuffle cards or get drinks for the band when they were off. I would clean the room and wait for the moment that I would either be called to play or that we landed. Once in awhile we would have a jam session as we did that first day. Percy especially had taken me under his wing and would show me a few new bars or lines. Wallace helped me with my stance when I held my violin as I was always to crouched over it before. I stayed safe from any further encounters and away from my past. I had hope for the future even if I would probably not play music for the passengers on this ship.

It is funny how the night can move and change things forever. I felt as though I had nothing to lose and everything to look forward to. I was asleep on the night of the fifteenth of April when the first boom catapulted me across the room. We had hit something. I put on my jacket and opened up the door to great excitement in the hallway. People were yelling and several crew members ran past me. We had hit something. In the moment I looked around the room I decided to pack my violin just in case. I ran down the hallway the tailcoat from my tux billowing in the wind.

The water started to pour in the vessel quickly. I was sliding as there was another loud thump.

I made it to the upper level and saw the band led by Wallace moving from the dining room to the outside deck. The water in the ship was rising quickly. I could see the life boats off of the side. Women and children were being lifted out. I moved towards my friends, my brothers only to catch the eye of Percy and Wallace who both motioned for me to leave. I can still see them now telling me

“Leave mate, you are just a kid! Get on one of those boats, get out of here!” They then looked away and continued to play the song “Autumn” or was it the hymn “Nearer My God To Thee”

All I know is they played as if to calm everyone around or maybe they played because it calmed them. I brushed the tears from eyes. They were the only friends I had ever known and I did not want to leave them. Just then there was a hand on my shoulder, I turned around to see the lady with peach flowered hat staring at me, her eyes were drenched with tears and her hair was soaked. “Come on child, you'll accompany me.” I followed reluctantly as the tears continued to flow. The ship mates hoisted me on to one of the life boats. The woman said I was her son and nothing was questioned in the moment. I helped lift other children onto the raft and then we pushed away.

When we were rescued, I lost track of the woman, but she did not say another word to me anyways. I disappeared as was my specialty in New Brunswick, Canada. I slept under bridges that summer and resorted to peddling music on the street to pay for food. Eventually I caught the eye of a band who needed a violinist and I travelled with them until I could strike out on my own. I grew up on the streets, but I was like a rock in my determination to succeed. I soon played in front of audiences who paid for my performance.

I married and had children, then grandchildren. One time when I was young, I told a girl at bar that I was on the Titanic and she laughed at me for “telling stories.” From then on, I decided to keep my plight to myself except this annual trip. I come every year to the monument dedicated to my friends. I roll up my pants with my tuxedo against the wind and standing in the blue sea. I have brought my family sometimes and they watch in silence as they think it is a nice thing I am doing.

They do not know that I was a silent violin and I now must play.

This story of historical fiction is dedicated to all those lost on the Titanic and especially the band who continued in song.