A Joyous Sound

My name is Pepi Aussenberg and although my body lives, I lost my soul at the age of four. Ever since I’ve been nothing but a mere walking corpse, barely breathing; my heart, barely thumping.

“Oma! Opa!”

Those were the last words I remember of my so-called “normal” life.

Mama and Papa died during an air raid while Leo and I were at our grandparents, so they quickly became our guardians. Leo, my older brother by ten years, was forced to grow up much quicker than any boy should be expected. But at the time I suppose it wasn’t too uncommon.

I’ve always had difficulties sleeping, and this night in particular was unusually troublesome. Leo stayed up brushing my hair, soothing my mind. But in the early hours of the morning I quietly snuggled my way in between Oma and Opa. The warmth of their bodies reminded me of mama and papa. My thoughts finally stopped and my confusion subsided when a loud bashing was heard from the front door.

“Komm drausen!”

There was no time for questions, no time for clarity, no time for goodbyes. Leo and I were quickly shoved out the back door and told to run.

“Oma! Opa!” Leo screamed as they ran back inside, locking the door behind them. A few seconds passed, a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, until Leo grabbed my arm, hoisted me on his back and began to run. It wasn’t until later that I understood that Oma and Opa were taken to a ghetto...before the unforgivable happened.

I was so young, so naive. All of a sudden I was stripped of my family, my home, my clothing, everything that I once knew came to an end. Leo was keeping an entire world of information from me. He was trying to protect me. I know that now.

We found a desolate patch of forest, our own little paradise. It was quite a miracle. There was a pond, green grass, and monstrous trees. It was as if this patch of God’s creation was alive and unaware of the war happening outside its gates. An abandoned shelter was hidden behind a willow tree - our new home.

We spent our days splashing in the water, telling stories, and catching critters. Leo even managed to fasten me a swing. However, all good things must come to an end. The rations of food Oma and Opa left for us only lasted so long. We became fatigued. I saw hope fade out of Leo’s eyes. I became scared. Confusion crept back into my mind.

One night, as Leo was fast asleep and I was stirring on the scratchy hay that served as our bedding, a loud siren began to sound, flashing green lights in the distance - an air raid. Leo practically jumped to his feet. His bones had begun to show through his shirt.

“Aufenthalt.” He whispered to me before sprinting out of the shelter. I obeyed, not daring move a muscle. Although this did not seem the norm, I trusted him. I always have and I always will.

After the sirens ended, it was a while until Leo returned. But when he did it was like Christmas. He had food, only a little bit, but at these times that was more than desired. He had blankets, clothing, and even a doll. I didn’t know how he came about these luxuries at the time, but I didn’t ask. He was providing for me. He was all I had.

It may be quite disturbed, but the sound of the sirens became a delight to me. I knew nothing other than when the sirens rang, Leo would leave for a short while and when he returned I would receive food, clothing, and toys. My joy became the sirens. My life became the sirens.

It wasn’t until one rainy afternoon that I realized the horrific monstrosity in which I was finding my joy. The sirens rang and my heart skipped in circles, but then quickly stopped. I had never noticed the grim expression on Leo’s face every time he left...until that afternoon. I will never forgive myself. I turned my brother into a suicidal thief. Little did I know that the forbidding, stony look on his face was the last I would see of him.