A Heavy Heart

‘In death do we find peace?

Or do we continue to live within the sorrows our heartfelt as we left our loved ones.”

My heart feels heavy as I lay these flowers to rest upon your grave. The sky is clear, no clouds in sight. I wish you could see the beauty that has settled on the land. The silence is calming, I never expected to enjoy it in such peace again.

I never know how long to stay or how I should feel when I visit. I only try to stay within my memories.

You were such a strong soul, a warrior who carried the sight of our peoples tranquility in your soul. You would have been a great leader, a great husband, and a great father. You were a giver of strength, you taught me so much I could never thank you enough.

I know you gave your life in honor and grace. You were called to uphold your duty.

‘That you did my Love.’

The faint sounds of drums and the groans of the war beasts break my solitude with your memories. Your life came to an end, but your purpose for life lives on through those you inspired to challenge the all mighty and end this war.

‘They say life is short,

To live it to the fullest, in every moment.

But what if it was cut off too soon…

What if the flower was plucked

Before it bloomed.’

“We are heading to the final gate my Love. To free the rest of our people. To bring them home.” I whisper into the sky. Hoping in some way you will hear me.

I rise to my feet, my armor clinging together. Reminds me of the wind chimes that hung outside our window.

I take my leave, not knowing how to say goodbye.

‘Has anything changed.’

The road ahead is going to be cruel. I know we all won’t make it back, but I’ve made myself promise to make it, to see our people reunited. To bring you flowers when yours have wilted. As I walk down the path to the village I take in the magnificent scenery. The flowers are blooming, the grass is as green as jade. The scents engulf in a sultry hug of nature.

‘What if you were to take a seed from the early picked flower.

Would it grow the same beauty?

Or would it fall short?

Would it wither and die?

Or would it find success in it’s new life?”

I must say my farewells to the village and give them as much emotional strength as I have to give. I must be strong, but there's a moment I wish I could just break down and allow the tears to run.

“ I’ll have time to mourn my loss one day, when this war is over.” I take a deep breath, pushing the tears away along with the undermining emotions.

I meet with each of the elders in the village to assure they are prepared and have enough supplies to sustain the village comfortably until we arrive back. I make my final stop at the healers home, to make sure she is set for those who will have injuries when we come back.

“Dear child, I feel your heavy heart. You must remember to allow your emotions to flow outwards or you shall not feel the beauty of healing.”

You’d expected her voice to have a gravel undertone just based on her great age, but instead it is so soft. I sit in silence and listen to her words.

“ Your emotions are what make you feel what you cannot in death. Do not black your heart to the world. You have brought so much happiness to your people, So let us help you heal. Theoden would want you to allow yourself some peace.”

She embraces me. Her fragile arms feel as if they could break my armor. The embrace feels foreign. As she lets me go she places a pouch within my hands. It takes my hands a moment to pour out the contents inside.

A heart shaped locket tumbles into the palm of my hand. It is only the size of a cherry, but the weight is noticeable.

“When you are ready to let the weight of your heart go, the locket will let you go.”

She places the chain around my neck, the locket falling between my collar bones. She wipes the tears from my cheeks. I hadn’t even noticed they had started to pour out of my eyes. I was so lost in the healer's words.

“Now you may take your leave.” Her voice is still as calm and soft, as it was when she began her trail words.

‘ Will I wither or will I bloom?

I took the seed from you

In order to carry you on.

But who am I?

Without You.’

My goodbyes are done, my words of strength laid into my people's hearts. They have gone through so much tragedy over the last decade. To see their strength and happiness lights a fire deep within me.

We were no longer going to allow the Yomana to treat our people less then, we were no longer willing to accept the hand they dealt to us when they came from the stars beyond. To tell us what our worth was unacceptable. We are the people of this land, and we choose our own destiny.

“I am the fire that will bring down this last gate, this last cage. I am the fire that burns within our peoples soul. I am the leader of my people. The Venkeacean. The people of fire, wind, air and water, the keepers of this world.”

‘I will not bloom

I will not wither

I will ignite the flame within my soul

To light the way

Into the Unknown.’

In Honor of my dear friend Marc, rest easy my friend.

And my dear friend Samantha in her path to healing.