25 of 50 Songs and Chapters Dedicated to the Friend I Lost Too Soon

Music is playing. It's familiar, but I can't recognize the lyrics, and it appears that's what's going on between the two of them -- Talia and Jewee. They've exchanged several mysterious glances that I can't exactly read, but not one of them has made the move to head over to the other. Every time I look at Talia, her face is ashamed and only ashamed, there's no space for another emotion, and Jewee is just pure anxious like he said he was.

Interesting how watching her rot like that feels like a victory to me. Am I cruel or is this deserving? And more important than that, is it going to end as soon as it came? That girl is a pro at being double sided. She could be fooling me every time I look at her.

"What?" I speak up, under an odd laugh when I catch Talia's glance again. It's similar to the one she looks at Jewee with. I don't understand what it means, and I want to get to the bottom of it in the nicest way possible.

Surprisingly, she's the one who closes the gap between us, pulling a chair over to sit next to me. She's drenched in a perfume with a fruity scent, and it's fine and all, but I have to hold back a gag because of how strong it is, especially so suddenly. She doesn't seem to notice.

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you before," she says. "But you're very beautiful. You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

I glare at her. Nobody could hear what she's saying because it's far too loud in the proximity, but she's doing it despite that, which is contradicting to everything she's stood for in front of my face. That might only be a first reputation, but she obviously hated my guts the first time we met, and now she was acting like we were friends. What was she after? My attention? Did she want to make sure my eyes were on her and nobody else? What the heck was she planning?

I had a bad feeling about this. When I asked for a party, what was I actually asking for?

"Oh," I replied, taken aback. "Well--."

"You're not good at taking compliments, are you?" She giggles, nudging my shoulder softly.

I play along for the heck of it. "I'm not the type of girl to get compliments everyday. I'm not used to it," I respond, and that's the truth. Ever since I was a child I never got any sort of praise, but after being hospitalized the chances of that went way further down. I don't even feel like myself anymore, and I know nobody looks at me like myself. Nobody knows who I really am. If there are any, they're rare.

"Don't believe you in the least."

"It's true. Unless it's my mom, or my dad." I mentioned, a smirk coming to my lips as I made the decision to piss her off. "And Kyler, on a good day. That's pretty much it."

Talia's eyes narrowed temporarily, but it was just a slip that she managed to recover. If I wasn't paying attention, I wouldn't have noticed. She if after something, and I consider that millionth of a second enough to prove it. Her fake smile adds to that. "Nuh-uh, I have to be added to that list. Consider me one of them. Can't you? Come on, Jaiva Shyne. Tell me about yourself."

"I'm an aspiring writer." It's how I always responded when someone told me those four words. I never knew what to say besides that, but this time when I said it, it hit me that I've made it, and when it hit me, it hit her too. It gave her a way to prolong her fake compliments.

Shoot.

"You are a writer, silly."

"Oh, right. I guess I am."

"Yes, and I know that sis, but there's so much more to know about you than the fact that you write. It only defines you so much, you know? Tell me about your family, or you love life -- something personal about you that not just anyone knows. You get me, right?"

I see what this is about. She'd rude to me when it's about me, but when it's about Jewee, she's an angel. She's the human embodiment of both hate and love, in the same way I'm capable of.

It's so painful to accept how right that casting directors are. I don't think I'll ever get over that. At least for me, opposites really do attract. Looking at my reflection is tiring. Agreeing to associate with her was stupidity on my part, let alone offer to do such a thing so devastating.

"I have no love life. Do you know anything about the movie you're in that's literally about me? Heck, if you opened the book it's based on to a random page and read whatever sentence you wanted, then you would know I have no love life and I am not going to have a love life." I avoided using the word 'sick' or anything like it. Every piece of fiction that came out of her mouth made the hair on my skin stand up, but if it were fictionalized pity, I might hit a woman and I don't want this to reach there. Not with all these people I hardly know watching me.

"Is that so?" Talia smiled, as if she heard nothing I told her besides what I'm lacking, and to make things worse, this one was real. That's all she wanted to hear -- that I was lonely and that I was going to die lonely. With that, she stood up, clinking the nearest piece of silverware she could find against her glass. "I'd like to propose a toast," she announced.

That's where we were not the same, once again, pertaining to the glory she loved to bask in, so much, I bet she could count one by one every person that stopped what they were doing mid-way to look at her, and give her the attention she craved.

"Hello, everyone. As many of you know, my name is Talia Rodrigo. I've gotten several lead roles in my home country, but I've never been in a Hollywood movie, so I'm so excited to be working on this project with you all. Before it officially gets started, I wanted to be the first to say, I wish all of us success in our future roles and that we continue to aim high. It has been a privilege to get to know all of you. I hope that after this is finished we'll still keep in contact, and in the mean time, I'm praying for the best with this -- especially because it's what brought us together."

Her and her perfect pretty accent. How annoying. Even more annoying that everyone clapped for her, and terrible when the expression on her face could be read like an open book. She was waiting for everyone to pipe down so she could continue talking. She'll never be done. Not when the consistent thought in the back of her head isn't when she could step down from the podium, as it would be for me. It would be to get closer and closer to the center of the room so everyone could see her just right.

"In celebration of what beauty is about to be created, as we bring the script to life, I thought it would be only right to celebrate with a scene from the movie, of course in dedication to the girl who made it all possible, Jaiva Shyne Ikari-Lane."

My stomach churned. My fight or flight instincts were kicking in. This couldn't be good.

Jewee barged in, begrudgingly. "And how are you planning on doing that?" For a second, a wave of heads turned to see him, each heading back to Talia right afterward.

"Act 4, Scene 19." She says. I have no idea what it means, but everyone else does. Otherwise, they wouldn't be squealing. The longer the silence, the more seductively she's looking at Jewee.

But he's looking at me, and his face is shouting me an apology. I'm petrified more than I already was because I know for certain my instincts didn't come along for nothing, but I still didn't know why they came. "We really don't have to do that," Jewee says, trying to bury the idea back into the dirt where it's been all along.

The guests I insisted that Jewee invite backfired on me. To them, their host was a buzzkill, and they were chanting on Talia's idea. For the first time in my entire life, scorching out eyes sounded pleasant as long as they were hers. I wished she was found on the side of the street drained of her blood, pale, and gone forever, and I'm not one to think that dark, mostly.

This girl just had some nerve.

"You're not going to let everyone down, are you, Jewee?" She asked. She took on a new spot in the living room -- a spot where she could watch me from where I sat without the slightest bit of issue, and she wasn't going to look away either. Whatever it was that would come from this scene, she was convinced that it was going to tear me in shreds, and she wanted to watch it unfold. She had a theory, and she was chasing the proof.

Karma. What is the world trying to tell me for my past mistakes? How could it make me meet someone more petty than I am?

"Okay, okay," he gave into the pressure. "But let's not make a big deal of it. I'm serious."

"Of course not, friend. We're at a party. Not a table-read. It's just for fun," Talia explained, a determined glint stuck to her like leeches to the skin. "When I say, 'kay? -- Lights, camera, action."

Immediately the vibes between them changed. It took a snap for them to become one with their character, I'd forget they were anyone else if their faces weren't so familiar. Because they were, Talia still drove me crazy and Jewee still gave me butterflies with only a glimpse, but they were immersed into different people now -- people who were meant to be together from a movie that was based off of my emotions and my sorrow.

In a fictional world, it's for certainty, but in the real world, is it too? How could a look as intense as theirs be faked? How can people really act that good? Where did the chemistry come from? Why do they look so good together? Why do I absolutely hate it? Why does it have to be me that develops feelings that there's nothing I can do with? Why is it more painful than it sounds?

Why are there so many questions?

I could hardly hear anything they said to each other. It's not since it was too loud, because it wasn't anymore, but the sight of them made my ears ring, with a high frequency I didn't think I was capable of hearing anymore. Their shining eyes and their smiling mouths though, expressed love and that was it, my blood boiled having to be blinded by something somehow dark to me, rather than bright.

Come to find out, it was hardly the beginning.

Talia twirled at the strands of hair that framed her face. Their stance came nearer, so near it itself was saying that they were soulmates connected by the red string -- that story that's all over the cringe fan-fictions on Wattpad, and with that in mind, I didn't know to cry or to laugh at what this was becoming.

But then I did. I wanted to cry.

Jewee is a hair-grabber, not only as his character in Pulseless Heart, but as this role too, and I was starting to believe in real life as well. Who would've known?

I didn't want to. I didn't want to if watching Jewee and Talia make out with each other without a camera as an excuse in sight, was what it took. She had his face cupped, and he had a web of her hair around his fingers, as it grew more intimate between the two of them.

They do have chemistry. I'm not sure why Jewee's been so concerned about it. The only person who should feel concerned about it is me, and I don't necessarily have the right to either, but I think for my own personal reasons, I have more right to than he does.

The facts tugging at my mind, I got up, Talia's satisfied eyes lasers to the back of my head cracking open my chest, and I headed off toward the door, taking the car key that Jewee had hung up on a hook by his door, finding myself behind his steering wheel seconds later.

Sitting there was more pitiful, because in the history of my lifetime, I have never been able to get into a car and take off by myself. I needed Jewee for everything I've been able to live through recently and it was highly possible that he needed someone else, or that soon enough that same someone would win him and sweep him away.

They just kissed right in front of my face. I don't think I could look at it any other way.

Some have said the Devil you know is better than the Devil you don't, but I'm not so sure that's true. All I know that is true for sure is I lean more toward the 'flight' in flight or fight.

That's never a thrill to find out about.