167 Rite of Passage — PART 3: EPILOGUE

When scientists warned of the comet that would end the world, money became worthless. It made no sense to quit smoking or drinking, continue gym memberships, or eat right. First the barrooms emptied into the churches but, finally, the churches emptied into bars.

Bills went unpaid. All of life's agenda became an existential bucket list. The comet was the bucket. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!" was the call. Followed by an excellent "Act of Contrition."

Or not.

So, when everyone turned to sex, even 16-year-old Paulette put her feelers out for Mr. Kirkson next door. Rhett Kirkson, a sexual athlete, didn't mess around when it came to messin' around. He was known around the neighborhood as Rhett Dream. Even Paulette's mother, Teresa, got that.

Why bother with condoms?

When the comet failed to end the world, nine months later the precipitous rise in apoca-births was labeled the "Doom Boom."

Rhett ("Dream") Kirkson, in a 2-day span, spawned 23 new Doom Boomers. Nine months later, in a fortuitous coincidence smacking of numerology, he had reproduced as many times as he had pairs of chromosomes, which he happily donated 23 times, abroad.

Then the paternity suits and child-support litigation began in his world that hadn't ended. He struggled to afford antibiotics for his sexually transmitted infections. The health system had crashed, so therapy relied upon the cash he didn't have.

Meanwhile, his neighbors, Teresa, daughter Paulette, and infants Pollux and Castor--Rhett's comet-children by them--watched his lawn (which he had so breathlessly and shirtlessly manscaped) fall into disrepair.

Teresa drank heavily, falling off the wagon when the bogus apocalypse was first announced; Paulette, now smoking heavily, struggled to quit, since tobacco was more likely to kill her than some no-show comet.

Then, another comet was predicted five years later.

This time, scientists guaranteed the math was right. Regardless, this time people kept paying bills; Teresa quit drinking; Paulette quit smoking. Pollux and Castor enrolled in school.

The world held its breath to dodge another bullet, but in a cosmic twist of irony, the first comet really had been the end of the world for Rhett, who died of asphyxia as a complication of gonococcal pharyngitis.

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This epilogue, as Part 3 of the, now, 3-part Rite-of-Passage series, written and submitted by demand.

SEE Rite of Passage PART 1 at https://vocal.media/fiction/165-rite-of-passage-part-1

Rite of Passage PART 2 at https://vocal.media/fiction/165-rite-of-passage-part-2

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Saturday, June 15, Day 167 of the Story-a-Day Challenge (Happy Birthday, Elizabeth!)

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated (Artificial Incineration, part 2), but the manscaping was not.

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There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator

• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

Read them. Support them. And just two more things: wear condoms and watch the skies!