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103rd Times a Charm

Practice makes perfect… right?

By Heather Zieffle Published 12 months ago Updated 4 months ago 1 min read
Top Story - June 2023
33

“Clink! Where are we with this?” I hiss quietly, knowing my communicator will pick it up.

“Sorry Boss! This hack is taking a minute,”

“You know I’m the one stuck between two walls, right? We don’t have a minute!” I grump, readying the wall cutters.

“Yup.”

“Yup? The fuck? Clink!”

Silence.

“I swear Clink, if…”

“Got it! Go, now!”

“Fuck!” I swear, but I’m already cutting a person sized hole in the wall.

No alarms sound as I step through, and I wipe the sweat from my brow.

“Pattern, Clink! Your right, my left, like we discussed!” I demand.

My sweat soaks me as Clink walks me through the steps to get over the sensor plated flooring.

“No sweat.” I say as I make it across, sans alarm, snorting at my pun.

“Next?”

“The laser wall is… 3 inches to your left.”

My heart seizes as a blare deafens me. The alarm!

“It might have been 2.5 inches,” Clink gulps.

I turn to run, too late. A hot pinch knocks the breath out of me as a bullet burst from my chest.

Jerking awake, the simulator hums as it winds down. “Clink, run it again! 103rd times a charm!”

Microfiction
33

About the Creator

Heather Zieffle

I've been writing for a few years, and I'm grateful to have found my passion! I've self-published several sci-fi romance novels on Amazon, but want to branch out into fantasy soon. Any feedback is welcome!

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

Top insights

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  1. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  3. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

  4. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  5. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

Add your insights

Comments (17)

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  • Jay Kantor15 days ago

    Dear Heather - Permission to speak freely? You asked for feedback. Are you a Teacher? I'm so far out of the loop but I realize the F' word is totally colloquially accepted, if for no other reason, as a tip of the tongue filler word; it just doesn't get a rise as it once did long ago. But, I see a lot of 'Atta-Girl' comments may disagree. I'm just an adjunct biz law pro-bono professor; giving back to the community. It is never relevant in my arena to do F' fillers; or workable. Not my intent to make a big issue or insult in any way at all: I will delete it in a few moments so not to embarrass. Perhaps you do this as a Fit-In Tactic: Never write for 'Them'...be you, Heather, a very good thing. Please forgive this intrusion. I say this with respect for your marvelous talent even if it weren't F'WordLess. j.in.l.a.

  • Judey Kalchik 4 months ago

    I always enjoy that moment when the reader finds out the significance of the title. Great reveal!

  • L.C. Schäfer11 months ago

    Well done on the T.S.! 😁

  • Lena Folkert12 months ago

    lol. This was both intense and well written but also somehow, hilarious at the end. Awesome job. Congrats on TS! Subscribed ;)

  • Iris Harris12 months ago

    Hahahha, that was unexpected. Brilliant. I love how captivating it was, and then surprise! Thank you.

  • Tiffany Gordon 12 months ago

    Nice writing!

  • Gal Mux12 months ago

    Very intense... I could hear the tension music playing. Great work building the atmosphere.

  • L.Clabrough12 months ago

    Love the momentum! Congrats on TS!

  • Kendall Defoe 12 months ago

    Impressive work with the brief form!

  • Brenton F12 months ago

    What a delightful and engaging read - so deserving of the TS! WELL DONE!

  • Dana Stewart12 months ago

    Great title and micro - I'd read the 104th's attempt!

  • Babs Iverson12 months ago

    Simulators!!! Well Done!!! Lovedit!!! Congratulations in T S too!!!❤️❤️💕

  • Wow,the story is very interested and awesome

  • Heather Hubler12 months ago

    Oh, how cool!! I loved the surprise at the end. This was such an engaging read :) Congratulations on Top Story!!

  • Congratulations on your Top Story

  • And around it goes again, love the concept

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