Do I have to have a label?

I hate telling people I’m a vegetarian, I really, really hate it. I don’t hide it, I order what I want when I want and if I’m asked about it I’ll gladly answer any questions or share recipes. Though when people hear the word “vegetarian” they leap to a whole bunch of conclusions. It’s especially mortifying if it happens at barbeques.

It’s that god awful scene in every teen movie where the music screeches to a halt and everyone turns to stare at me like I’m some kind of hideous meat leper. Then they all slowly back away from their plates of ribs, hot dogs and burgers that just minutes before they were salivating over, now they look away from their heaping plates in shame…. Because of me.

The atmosphere immediately changes and things become…odd. People I was chatting with earlier about the latest raunchy stand-up comic special that was out of this world hilarious, will approach me and talk about how they love animals too and they aren’t huge meat eaters either. Others will talk to me about my protein and how I’m sure I’m getting enough and what the hell do I eat if I don’t eat meat? Tofu? Sprouts? Beans?

The topic of conversation then goes from being fun loving summertime bbq chatter to politically correct issues like ethics and animal testing in food and pharmaceuticals. WTF! All because I didn’t want a burger! How did I just torpedo a kickass bbq into a goddamned social justice march for cows! I thought we were gonna get shitfaced and roast marshmallows but instead its picket signs for the protest that our bbq host is now planning at the dolphin aquarium next weekend in my honor. Wait, WHAT?!?! How the fu…..?

It all stems from assumptions. They hear the word “vegetarian” and immediately think superlatives such as; activist, health nut, angry, vegan, loves all animals and hates people. From those assumptions they then make the leap that I somehow think I’m better than them because they think I’m health conscious and don’t eat meat. Nothing could be further from the truth. Anyway, my ice cream and queso addiction say otherwise.

I get it, everyone stands for something these days, we all know an activist of some kind or social justice warrior spreading a message that they think the world needs to hear, whether they want to or not. Everyone needs a moment to stand on their soap box and preach their opinions and ideals. Everyone who is anyone is racing to identify themselves under some righteous label because apparently, if you don't have a label you're a nobody.

The funny thing is though, I don’t.

I avoid the subject at all costs because I hate the atmosphere it creates. I hate that the focus is then shifted to me and what they think I stand for.

I promise you, my diet is the very least interesting thing about me, the LEAST. I’m in NO WAY trying to convert anyone to the hardcore badass plant life. I swear to you….I have better things to do.

The thing is, at that point, once that lame label is dropped or spoken into existence, people then come to know me as “Oh, that’s Stacey, she doesn’t eat meat”. Wait, what? Don’t you want to know anything else about me? I’m still fun! I still like all kinds of other things. Wait!!

I swear I’m still cool! Just give me a chance!

That’s an awful lot to assume about someone without getting to know them, and in some cases that’s exactly what happens. There have been a few who never get to know me based off of the assumptions they’ve made of me, and I'm just a boring vegetarian!!!

So I'm more and more confused as to why we insist on identifying ourselves by repeated, manufactured, socially acceptable "labels".

Is that really the point we're at as a society? Do we really need to be classified as one made up sub group of human beings after another?

I would much rather talk to you about the more interesting topics going on in each of our day to day lives rather than that one small lame little box I just got stuck in!

Get to know me, I’m fun and I’ll probably make you laugh hysterically if you give me a chance. 😉 Though if all you care about is my social justice status and my ample number of status labels, well then I guess we wouldn't get along well anyway. There's so much more to me than that.

That’s the thing though, our society as a whole is so laser focused on putting each and every one of us into these neat little labeled boxes that we’re missing so much more of the human in each of us.

If I absolutely had to list all of my self-proclaimed politically correct “labels” then I guess you could say, I’m a middle aged, heterosexual, vegetarian, caucasian female.

Cool.

So what does that tell you about me other than I have the potential to be the most critically boring person you’ve ever encountered?

I’m a middle aged white woman that lives for loves the D and eats a lot of plants….and cheese (vegetarian not vegan people). Fascinating isn’t it…..

None of those labels tell you I’m a mom, or a wife.

None of them tell you I have a hysterical albeit deliciously naughty sense of humor.

None of those labels accurately depict my love of words or the English language itself.

Not one of those labels tells you about my life experiences or what I’ve been through.

Not a single one tells you what my passions are, what my strengths are or what makes my heart beat.

Those same labels also wouldn’t ever tell you that the birdcage is my favorite movie or that I wish Nathan Lane was my best friend.

They don’t tell you about my love of drag queens and how much they inspire me with their strength and beauty.

They don’t tell you I’m a hardcore Marilyn Monroe fan or that Korn is the greatest rock band of all time. (IMHO).

They don’t tell you I’m an avid fan of horror fiction and I actually read way more than I watch tv. Nerd, I’m a nerd. #Adorkable

I don’t want a label to define me. There isn’t a single word or phrase in the English language that can define me or who I am, and that’s not because I’m oh so special, it’s because I’m uniquely……me.

And only you, can be so uniquely and authentically….you. I’m unbelievably thankful for that because I want to get to know you. I want to chat with people and learn from their stories, and their experiences.

People are my passion. Life, happiness and humanity are my passions. I love the strength, passion and courage it takes to stand up for something you believe in. We are all so uniquely strong and individually passionate about so many things, it’s the human in us.

So, show me who you really are. Not just the activist in you. Not just the do gooder. Quit telling everyone what pisses you off and start showing people what makes you happy. Show me what makes you tick. I want to know what makes you unique. I want to know your hidden talent (we all have one). Show me your world, show me your motivations and your vulnerability and I’ll show you a friend for life.

Because vulnerability is possibly the most terrifying yet extraordinary thing you can feel.

It’s tough to put yourself out there and let someone see the real you. Not many people do that anymore. We all hide behind our perfect social media profiles and our activism efforts. We’re so quick to let people see all the good we do or hear us talking about all of the good we want to do that it’s now the only focus we have on one another. We are terrified to be known as individuals anymore and I don’t understand why.

There’s so much we can all learn from each other if we could just get past the petty bullshit of life. So many cultures and people under one nation should be able to thrive to extreme greatness. Yet somehow we keep getting driven farther and farther apart and we continue to allow it to happen.

Because we allow assumptions and miscommunications to dominate our emotions, lives and our intelligence. Instead of clarifying what we think we know, we go with our initial assumption and each time we choose to do that, we are also choosing to close ourselves off to possibilities.

Possibilities of new friends, brand new adventures, new cultures, new experiences and most importantly, new knowledge! That’s what life is all about isn’t it? The adventures, the smiles, the memories…..it’s the people that make life what it is. Not the labels.

Show me who you really are, and I’ll show you a friend.

Thank you for reading

All my love and best wishes

-S