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Thy Dinner Party

By Lucinet Luna - The Author Published 4 years ago 4 min read
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Photo by Messala Ciulla on Unsplash

I’ve always gotten fluster when asked “If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would you have dinner with?” I’ve never narrowed it down to one person; I mean you have the greatest, Elizabeth C Stanton, you have the awesome Tupac, my personal favorite my dad and of course the most recent ones, Obama and J Cole.

I opened my eyes today and reached for my phone, which is something I rarely do, I usually have coffee, meditate then allow myself to indulges in some Tik Tok before the work day begins: but today, the first thing I saw was this challenge, and my heart started to race, so I gathered up, opened my notebook and started making all sorts of scribbles on it. At first, I thought about all these people, imagine Elizabeth talking to Obama?! Or J Cole telling Tupac how rap is now a fashion show instead of lyrical greatness?! As excited as those two made me, I walked into my heart chakra and suddenly started writing the characters; then the story line, then I stopped because it surprised me how my brain was working pre caffeine.

Have you ever wondered who your parents would be in your friend circle? High school? College? Work? I’ve written about how our personality starts developing early on, one to five years of age to be exact; I want to take that further and wonder who was my mother as a teenager and as a young adult, is weird because I look at my mom as this solid individual, strong minded, warrior of emotional journeys , but I’ve never actually thought about what made her so strong that she struggles to say I love you often, what made her so strong that she struggles to hug, and to comfort. I’ve worked on my amour; the exterior of my being, the shield that kept me protected and secure before finding the Goddess in me; one thing I’ve struggle with in this journey have always been, the desire for my mom to have an awakening, for her to feel how beautiful and special love really is, without a shield.

In this dinner, I like to invite my mother as her 15 year old self, myself as a teenager as well, my mother as a young adult with 4 children and myself as a young adult with 2 kids; I want the four of us to sit and hold each hand while we pray over our food, this is something my mom used to do, when she was younger. I want the food to speak to the stages of maturity between us four and I want the room to light memories of the four us, bad and good ones; the ones where we were confused and the ones where we were happy. I want the energy to be relentlessly loving, and forgiving, I want windows of the soul to dance around the table as we converse, as we laugh and we grow into each other, because finally we are able to relate.

I want young adult Lucy and young adult Mom to speak about their deepest insecurities, their most conflicting beliefs and I want young adult Mom to feel safe, to feel love, to feel heard; young adult Mom had to grow up so fast, had to endure physical and mental abuse; but in this dinner I want her to smile, I want her to cry and most of all I want her to touch her heart chakra and feel all her inner power.

I want to talk about how we had the same man as a father figure, but we had two different experiences; I want to hear her break down how the man I consider dad, was her first visual of coldness, I want to understand how his tinted view of love, founded hers, and how his stone hard personality founded her worthiness of an “I love you”, of an “you are enough” of an “you are safe”; I want to tell her that though that same man, never said “I love you” to me, I felt his love in every cell in my body, even when I didn’t need to feel protected, somehow he would make sure that I knew he would go to war for me. I want to talk about how having older siblings made her feel unworthy of attention, therefore she needed to look for it in men. I want to understand why she stood so long with someone who chose liquor instead of her; I want her to explain how she fell in love with someone who threatened her life multiple times. I don’t want her to feel ashamed; I just want her to make me understand where that unworthiness comes from, where the cord drops, where doesn’t she see how special she truly is.

I see the four of us cheering each other on, walking out to the patio dinner table, admiring the lighting of the full moon, centering in a safe space, a space where we allow each other’s truth to become our divinity. I want to hug young adult mom harder than I’ve ever hugged her, I want to take teenage Lucy into my arms and let her know that I am so proud of her, I want teenage mom to tell us all about how she mastered motherhood at the tender age of 15, I want young adult mom to be proud, to be unconditionally open to accept that all her trials and tribulations have been to make this exceptional human being, that though with faults, she has undeniably battled her way into peace.

At the end of the dinner, I want the four of us to leave feeling a sense of security, a sense of forgiveness, a sense that this was our reality.

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About the Creator

Lucinet Luna - The Author

I've written two books; I decided to keep my blog, because healing is like an onion and I want to see the process, I want to be able to come back and read about all these layers and feel as proud as I am right now.

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