Your Transgender Child Needs a Therapist — And So Do You

There are many reasons to see a therapist or mental health care provider such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. But if you’re transgender, having one or more of these professionals in your health care arsenal is not only smart, it’s essential.

When my child told me they wanted to be a boy at age eight, I wish I had employed a mental health care specialist for them right then. Unfortunately, I hadn’t realized the magnitude of what my child was trying to tell me — transgender was not a word in either of our vocabularies.

I mistakenly thought my eight-year-old’s announcement of wanting to be a boy was equivalent to them telling me they wanted to be an astronaut, or firefighter, or teacher. My mom-brain interpreted it into an ‘I want to be fill-in-the-blank someday.’ The concept of being transgender (or gender identity in general), was not on my radar.

Two years later my kid’s mental health seemed to be suffering. He was withdrawn and acted uninterested in everything. He seemed unable to express to me or his father why he was feeling so displaced in his own life.

So he began seeing a therapist, Suzanne, by age eleven.

Suzanne was the expert our little family so desperately needed. Not only did she help my son explore his feelings, but she also guided the three of us in open, honest communication — a honed skill we still rely on today. She introduced the spectrums of sexuality and gender to us, and explained how our son probably fell somewhere along those spectrums, which until then, was outside of our familiarity.

After about a year under her care, Suzanne suggested we see another mental health care professional who specialized in gender dysphoria in kids. I will always be grateful she passed the torch when she felt it was necessary.

Find doctors who specialize in transgender care.

My son’s second therapist, Dr. M, was the professional who explained to us what it meant to be transgender, a definition we desperately needed to understand. He has been a constant in my child’s life for more than six years now. He has been instrumental in my son’s well-being, helping him overcome suicidal thoughts, depression, and bullying.

“More than half of transgender and nonbinary youth have seriously considered suicide” — The Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2020

An excellent mental health care professional gives their transgender patients the communication tools to foster positive relationships with their family and friends, as well as deal with those unsupportive — and sometimes hateful — people around them. They help their patients through emotional turmoil and the gender dysphoria so many transgender folks suffer from.

Since starting therapy with Dr. M, I have seen and noted the changes in my son’s behavior, self-confidence, and overall sense of well-being. He has helped my son navigate his feelings and gender dysphoria. It’s a relief to see my child who was once lost finally blossom into the individual he truly is. I have no doubts Dr. M saved my son’s life.

Most mental health providers who specialize in transgender patients will also bridge the gap between their patients and any other doctors necessary to fulfill their patients’ needs to further physically transition.

If your transgender child decides to move forward in the future with any gender confirmation process (including any of the various hormone treatments or surgeries), having a therapist who specializes in gender will be essential. Legitimate surgeons require a letter from your mental health care provider stating how long you have been seeing them, and why they feel you are able or ready to move forward with gender confirmation measures.

Dr. M was very familiar with providing letters of surgical readiness which were required for my son to make his initial appointment with a surgical gynecologist for his hysterectomy, as well as the plastic surgeon who will be doing his top surgery.

Other specialists — as well as many insurance companies — require a transgender patient to have letters stating readiness for other health care as well. When my son wanted to start hormone therapy with testosterone injections, the endocrinologist required one such letter from Dr. M who, of course, was happy to provide.

There is a lot of misunderstanding that surrounds the medical and health needs of transgender folks. Using specialists who are familiar with transgender patients not only makes the paperwork easier, but the detail of care is significantly better too.

Ask your kid’s therapist about parent resources.

It’s okay to be choosy when finding a doctor because your kid has specific needs that must be addressed. And often these providers can offer resources for parents as well.

Dr. M’s practice offers group therapy sessions for the kids, as well as a separate group for parents. This has been invaluable for me. There’s a calm relief you experience when you realize you’re not alone in the plethora of feelings that bombard a parent of a transgender child.

Parenting can be difficult at the best of times. Having a group moderated by a mental health care professional who is familiar with your concerns is pivotal in keeping anxiety, overwhelm, and excessive worry at bay. It’s also helpful to hear how other families deal with specifics surrounding their kids’ health and transitions, as well as navigating the social world we live in. I’ve made many friends because of this group who I can reach out to when I need a little support from someone who understands.

In order to best support and help our kids, we need to keep ourselves mentally strong. I owe a tremendous debt to the mental health care providers who have helped facilitate my son’s well-being, as well as my own. It is a debt I will never be able to repay.

Here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen.

Zada Kent is co-founder of LGBTQueer-ies & proud parent to her transgender son.