Your S/O's friends, Pt.2

So this is the follow up article and it's juicy! Turns out my boyfriend thought it would be funny to take the bumper sticker from his Jeep and put it on my car. We will cover my meltdown and near polite decline text regarding their wedding, a little bit later. Gotta provide some further context, well, how did the sticker end up on his car in the first place? Surely that's not a thing? " Save the date" stickers? and now as I type this I realize this was the plan all along, his friend has a tendency to deface his "friends" property in the name of humor when it's really just him being an asshole that doesn't clean up after himself. Rewind, back up, travel back in time with me to last week, Wednesday or Thursday. His friend now lives an hour+ away from us (which has been a blessing in itself). He moved in with his fiance and helps her run the family business which involves vehicles.

About a month or so ago, my S/O had agreed to purchase a vehicle through an auction they were facilitating and landed a great deal on a Jeep he planned to use for a daily driver or fix up and sell. Due to the fact they are an hour+ inland and it would take two of us to go retrieve it and since he works 45 minutes from home it was gonna be a late night and a school night no less! Now that I am sober I get up around 5-6am and I am typically fighting the Sandman starting at approximately 8:17-8:24pm and my other half is more than aware of this. In fact, we joke how opposite my schedule has become since focusing on my recovery became my #1 priority. I don't like being UP late on work nights let alone being over an hour away from home having to deal with this prick. Despite discussing the fact we wouldn't be "hanging out" or taking a long time to do this transaction, the friend wasn't there to meet us, and that was the beginning of the bullshit.

While my partner was thoroughly inspecting the vehicle, looking at various small dings, notating whatever it was he was notating, the "friend" decides to toss a half opened 24 pack of Coors Light cans in the trunk. I saw it and did/said nothing. Why, you may ask, because I am practicing the idea that I am not here to save or punish anyone for their decisions. I can only plant seeds of awareness. How else is my S/O going to see the asshole behavior if I go tell him or remove it for him? And as far as the beers, they had been sitting in the warehouse in the desert heat for close to 2 months. This guy leaves his empty cans all over the place when he is a guest at your home, hides them in tailpipes, BBQ's, hot tubs, anywhere he deems "funny" for you to find when he in no longer around. It's lazy, rude and disrespectful from my perspective, I was raised to offer your host assistance with clean-up, collect trash after a gathering, help with dishes,etc. Not this guy, apparently.

As you can already guess we were there WAY longer than we needed to be and somehow without our noticing he ended up getting a sticker on the bumper of the Jeep we had driven up! He also mentioned to slide in a sarcastic comment about something I do in my personal spiritual practice that my S/O has since become interested and assisted me with. The whole way home I kept thinking why the fuck do we deal with this low-vibration energy and call it friendship? Let me re-phrase, I do not call this person a friend, I'm acquainted through my partner. Seeing the person for who he is, I have always had an issue regarding their relationship. My guy has always looked up to this male and until recently didn't realize the friendship is more one-way than he was willing to admit.

Now to my meltdown.....

I was headed to lunch and happened to see this bright orange sunset sticker on my white car, it stuck out. I felt my temperature skyrocket, my hands were shaking like I had the DT's, picture Roger Rabbit after taking the shot of whiskey in R.K. Maroon's office. Pure anger, rage and every animal instinct to rip this fucker a new asshole poured through my veins. Being pushed around as a kid for being small, getting picked on because people knew about my dad's drinking problem, not accepted by others because I looked different, painful memories flooded back like a tsunami. My goal this last year in recovery has been to stabilize and regulate my emotional triggers, reactions and responses, especially when it comes to my loved ones and those I care about. No one deserves to have emotional trauma dumped on them simply because I hadn't healed the childhood wound yet, however it is said you seek your mirror in order to grow when in relationships. My partner is my full length reflection of what I need to heal from for sure! Fueled by the idea this jerk-off disrespected me yet again, it was the last straw. I was NOT going to fly across the country and celebrate this union for someone I could not stand to be around! Still not 100% that I will go, but now I had my reason.

BF finally saw my texts to him which were less than pleasant, FYI. He calls me, however I am back at the office and can't answer.

First text back: sorry the sticker was me

Second text: sorry not funny

Ya fuckin think?! Really dude? How could you NOT think I would immediately blame your friend?~! I knew he would think he was being funny, even though we've had numerous talks about timing and thinking through what you say BEFORE saying it, cause he isn't that funny to begin with. Too soon? is the best way to describe his humor. When you have an emotionally charged woman learning to tame and harness the fire that is her passion it is wise not to stoke the flames of her anger with silly pranks. Did I overreact? Maybe, maybe not. I know that I would much rather feel through the situation nowadays vs drowning my sorrow in a bottle of booze. I got to deal with childhood triggers about my comfort, safety, respect to my person and property, stand my ground, take up space and speak up for myself even when I feel like I stand alone.

My S/O went out last night with a buddy for wing night, a 10 year+ event on Tuesday nights. Guys only, no wives/gf/side chicks, except if it is a 5th Tuesday in a month or there is a birthday in the group. Guess who started that shit...yup, frat boy #1. Well, after my monumental meltdown and subsequent discussion that followed I felt I had finally gotten through to my BF regarding the shitty behavior his friend constantly displays and that he should never be surprised when I decline an invitation to be around that individual. He seemed to be seeing my point of view, understanding my perspective and taking into account the hard work I've done as a recovering asshole myself. So off he went to wings....

This morning as we were getting ready for work I asked how so & so was and how the night went/did he have a good time? Apparently S/O and one other person from the group walked into the restaurant, scanned for seating and happened to notice the rest of their "gang" already sitting and enjoying themselves. Neither of them had been invited. I asked how he felt when he saw that. "At first, surprised....then....what the fuck? Whatever you call that feeling" he said with a kind of sad, knowing, defeated tone.

"Disappointment, babe, that's what it's called." Discovering your big brother/hero figure is just another frat boy that hasn't grown up is maybe the reason that relationship has been called into question by more than one GF is because it's not actually a healthy, respectful exchange of friendship. I've asked myself this question a lot recently: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Personally I would rather be happy, for me being right usually means seeing both sides of the coin/human/situation and having to make a decision to either engage with that energy or not. Shitty people/energy/vibes don't get the pleasure of my company and for good reason! It's taken me through hell and high water to recover the true "ME" underneath the conditioning of the matrix. So I have become selective about who I spend time with and accepting the duality of human nature and beings. Yes I was right about this person, am I happy to have exposed him for the fake he is, no. I am happy that I am no longer alone in my perspective regarding his behaviors and treatment of his so called friends. I am happy to know accountability, honesty and integrity are the traits I embody now and the way I conduct myself today is with grace, compassion and patience. I can only change myself, my perspective, my focus and my actions. I treat everyone with respect and kindness not because I would like it back, but because we all deserve love, acceptance and tolerance. WE as humans must hold ourselves accountable for our individual behaviors FIRST, before ever considering pointing the finger at someone else. With that being said, I will do my best today to be better than I was yesterday, less judgmental, less reactive, less angry and I know if I focus on the process instead of the outcome, it will ALWAYS be better than I could've predicted or planned myself. Why? because the universe is always working out for my best interest and those of the people I love. If you're reading this, I love you too, truly and honestly. The world needs you.