Who Raised Your Spouse? Most of Our Parents Didn’t Raise Our Partner

You eat a slice of pizza with a fork and knife, and your spouse eats hers with both hands.

Does your partner eating pizza with her hands interfere with your health or time?

Let us reflect on the above example for a second.

The apple does fall far from the tree, but it’s still an apple. Our partner is not us, and our parents did not birth them.

Sometimes, children raised by the same parents in the same household can behave differently. Most importantly, remember your partner is not your mother or father or others.

My mom took care of three of us as a single mother without any help, but my wife complained of doing housework and caring for two kids.” — Mr. Largmount (not the real name)

Learn how to improve your relationship with these tips and how to apply them:

1. Pay attention to your partner:

Pay attention to what your spouse does. Take the time to reflect on your background and then separate your partner from you, your parents, and your beliefs.

What is your spouse’s interest or passion?

Your spouse’s passion is the area you need to accept or move on with your life. Your partner’s passion can be a business/career, video gaming, traveling, gossiping, shopping, cooking, etc.

John worried and said, “my new bride will not let me cook or do laundry. My ex didn’t have a problem with me doing things in the house.”

In 2021, some men and women choose not to participate in gender roles but do what they can to help their families grow. If your man likes cooking or your woman prefers hiring a Chef, let it be.

How to apply: Take the time to reflect on your partner’s interests and separate them from your own parent(s). Learn the secret — people from different backgrounds think and behave differently. Your spouse is different from you, your beloved parents, and maybe your background — race, class, color, and education.

II. Find out how your spouse was raised and work with them from there:

Find out your spouse’s beliefs and work with them from there. You have a sense of your spouse’s passion or interest. Sometimes, people can change and drop some learned behaviors, but they rarely change what they love or how they were raised or outgrow untreated hidden disabilities.

Now, we can find out about our partner’s differences and use them to strengthen our relationship, help them grow, or leave the relationship.

Positive relationship skills build relationships, and negative ones can destroy you, your partner, and the relationship.

Please note, we cannot work with domestic violence or put our lives in danger in any relationship.

Why? Because domestic violence is a family trade, and it’s addictive. DV can show up any day if not treated. I think DV should not be tolerated because life is more important than a relationship.

Call the DV hotline now for help: 800.799.SAFE (7233).

Take the time to learn more about yourself and your spouse. Our childhood experience or untreated disability can resurface in the areas of food, housework, money, parenting, or our worldview.

Do you want to be happy in your relationship? Learn a little about your spouse’s childhood.

How to apply: Work hard and smart to understand your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses. Encourage positive behaviors and empower them to find solutions to the bad habits. You can choose not to complain non-stop about negative behaviors but model positive habits and advice on untreated disability or mental illness.

Seek couple counseling. It works well if you want to understand yourself and your spouse better. It may not save your marriage, but counseling or psychotherapy can help improve any relationship.

III. Learn how your spouse spends time and money:

Observe how your spouse spends time and money — ask your spouse why they have a specific behavior.

You want to enjoy your spouse, then pay attention to their habit of spending money and time. People rarely change the way they spend money or time. The truth is people can change. I have seen clients change for the better with professional help and their desire to learn and practice time and money management skills.

Do you manage your partner’s wallet? Telling our spouse how to spend money or time makes no sense unless it negatively affects our family — rent/mortgage, food, college funds, or family time/savings.

If your spouse gambles, shops, drugs, drinks, or gifts get out of hand, then seek professional help. However, give your partner a break. Let your spouse have the freedom to spend money and time as they can afford or leave the relationship. Adults with earning power hate people telling them how to spend their money or time. Learn more about your partner’s spending habit and let it be.

How to apply: Ask your partner why a specific behavior or habit. For example, Sam explains how strangers and neighbors used to help her and her family when they didn’t have food or rent money.

Today, she gives a lot of her money to charity, and she hates that her husband complains. What can I say! Find out why your spouse spends money and time on people or things and work from there to help yourself grow.

Remember:

As you’ve known for years, you and your partner are from different parents.

She is not your mother, and he is not your father or your pastor or boss. You can find out how your spouse was raised and work with them from there.

Learn more about yourself and your partner and be happy in your relationship.

Help yourself grow.