Where is the source of child rebellion?

When we feel that the child has the feeling of "doing it against", the child will naturally feel that the parents are also doing it against their own. This has undoubtedly formed a class mindset. Parents feel that their children need to obey, and the parents’ words are correct. They constantly issue orders and feel that children’s disobedience is disobedience. In such parent-child interaction, there will be no equality, respect, multiple perspectives, love and wisdom. Therefore, as parents, we need to allow more children to have their own rhythm, whether it is behavior or Ta's inner process, the parent's framework should support the child from a broader perspective, rather than correcting the child.

Many parents complain of conflicts with their children, and they attribute the reason to "the child's rebelliousness and ignorance." But is this really the case? Sorry I can't agree. There is a saying that goes well: "Children are the continuation of their parents' lives, and they are also a mirror of their parents." This means that children's rebelliousness, impulsiveness, and unwillingness to communicate, all of which are reflections of the failure of parents' educational methods. Think carefully, how do parents treat their adolescent children? The Book of Parenting Heart Sutra reveals the way of thinking of a large part of parents: only focus on scores and results, but neglect spiritual communication and resonance - when your child gets 90 points in the test, do you ask "why others can get 100 points in the test"? Even a compliment is stingy to give? When the child opens up his heart and tells you the little secret of his crush on the same table, do you face the enemy and scold the child for "not concentrating on studying", but forget that the child also has his own emotional world? When a child is disgusted with school or even truant, do you force the child to go back to school, but do not ask the child "why don't you like school, is someone bullying you, or is it difficult to study"? Over time, the children's trust and love for their parents are worn out. They recognize the fact that "parents won't understand me", and can only express their dissatisfaction and resistance to their parents through rebellion and confrontation. It seems that the child is "unruly", but in fact it is the parent's blind preaching, criticism and blame, which builds a cold wall between the parent and the child. Therefore, there are no truly rebellious children, only parents with deviant education methods. In this case, how to give children care and sense of security in family life and help children establish a sound personality has become a crucial topic.

Because of the unequal relationship with parents, an important reason why children are educated by parents is that mistakes are forced to be educated because of mistakes. Children must make certain corrections by mistakes. After the child has his own consciousness, he will find the mistakes of the parents. However, for the sake of absolute dignity, parents will not admit it obviously, and have to find various reasons to justify it. The birth of a child is not one's own choice, but the wishes of the parents. This strong affiliation is not easy to maintain equality. The thought will forcefully collide with this shackle. This is treason.

The first step in solving children's problems is to adjust family relationships. A healthy family relationship is like an inverted equilateral triangle, balanced and stable with each other; after a child has a problem, the family relationship is an acute triangle, or even an obtuse triangle! This process is the most important and critical, because every member needs to adjust, especially the way of communication, and all this needs to be constantly learned. The second is the adjustment of educational methods. A large part of the reason why children have educational problems is because of serious mistakes in the way of education in the past, so it is very important to comprehensively learn educational methods. Before, I also emphasized that if there is a problem with the child, parents should read ten family education books rather than go to the doctor and ask for medicine. Such as positive discipline details, PET parental effectiveness, etc. Finally, it is to release the negative emotions of the family. The obvious feature of problems in children's education is that the family is full of negative emotions, so whether it is children or adults, it is necessary to release emotions in time. The family has been adjusted, and after a year, the child's condition is much better. Although his grades are average, his relationship with his mother has improved, there are not so many conflicts in the family, and his studies are normal. Generally speaking, it is very good. Change is difficult, especially for adults. In fact, the most difficult point in the process of changing children is the change of adults. Some parents are completely unaware and feel that the child's problem is the child's problem. Some know that the child's problems require family changes, but they don't have a deep understanding. Some understand, but never implement it. Change can never happen without action! All in all, being effective is important, and knowing love is true love! If you are lost, you must first know how to go, and then go into action, how to go! Finally, we can get out of the fog!