Just looking around at this crazy world weāre living in, it can get mighty overwhelming sometimes....
I mean everywhere you look anymore thereās something making no sense. I swear.
Weāre tearing down newer buildings to make bigger newer buildings, & thereās blocks of condemned or foreclosed houses, sitting empty, while there are businesses consolidating down to minimal employees working from only one office now & the homeless population, displaced, are getting in trouble for sleeping on park benches. Why? (Smh)
And of course, everyone can undoubtedly relate to this damn virus bullshit. Iām sick to death of it all. I hate it more than Iāve hated anything ever.
Iām sick of not seeing peopleās faces & of people not being able to see me smile at them. Iām sick of washing my hands 50 times a day & not being able to share food or even hugs.
Iām sick of being afraid ... so afraid of life that life is passing me right by. Yet I take the precautions, I do my best & I try to lead by example for all those that know me. I had a close friend who tested positive for the virus and it scared the hell out of me but she made it thru it fine & none of the rest of us got sick, thankfully.
But Iām so tired of hiding and of trying anymore... I hate hearing anyone mention the ānew normalā cause thereās nothing about this that feels normal to me. So whereās the ānew normalā at these days? Whatās normal? Yeah itās all new, sure that Iāll give em... but normal? ... umm no...
For the last year of my life Iāve adjusted to new normals... my bonus mom had a heart attack, double bypass surgery & came home on oxygen... new normal. Have fun.
We spent so much time learning new things with her and for her... who the oxygen concentrator, about diet plans for heart health and healing times and what she could expect and what she needed to monitor. Bought the pulse of and the blood pressure monitor and the little under the desk bike and a smart watch to monitor her pulse too. New grocery lists, new ways of cooking, new ways of living.
She watched the news daily and was terrified of covid, so she barely ever left the house unless it was to go to the dr. And some of those appointments didnāt even matter enough to draw her out those days. Physical therapy... yeah she went for a while but then it got to be too much. Too much stess... too much worry. Oh then the shut down for a while so then u canāt go anyway. Nice huh. Fuck no it wasnāt nice ... none of that shit was nice ... but guess what, Iād take all of that bulls it & more any day of the week, if I could bring her back home now.
Those few appointments might not have seemed like much at the time... and sure, we kept her highly sheltered from covid...well guarded. I was proud of that. But none of it even mattered because her heart gave out anyway... her lungs couldnāt handle this life anymore. She didnāt get to stay here with us & this is a new normal I donāt know how to even begin to deal with.
Itās been one month today... one painstakingly long month of tears ...that somehow seems like itās lasted forever but gone by in no time at the same time. This new normal can shove it where the sun donāt shine cause itās not fair dammit. It wasnāt her time, Iām convinced. And we werenāt ready to let her go either!! But nobody asked us huh?! Thatās not how this goes I guess... other people have gone thru these things Iām sure & they make it out on the other side, so I hear... & well, Iām not sure yet if I will... weāll see ...
What I wouldnāt give for some good olā miserable, boring, same-old-same kinda normal again.
About the Creator
Shelley
Iām creative in many ways, as you will see Iām sure. I enjoy simple beauty & oddities... beauty is everywhere. I aim to project positivity and happiness, but Iām not above the darkness either... we all have to go thru it. Keep your head up.
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