When the World Changed

You know that moment when you're terrified and excited all at the same time? Being fifteen is hard enough and although I had daydreamed of this moment many times before, the moment those two little lines popped up on that little plastic stick it was like a punch in the gut. I had known something was wrong when I felt so nauseous for weeks and could never get enough sleep, but now I knew why. Now I had to tell someone, but how? I couldn't disappoint my family like that. Maybe they won't notice. I decide to go about my life as usual and maybe I'll figure something out eventually.

Two weeks go by, the nausea intensifies and sleeping still seems to be the only thing I want to do. "Shi," my mother's voice is soft but concerned as she sits beside me. "I think we need to talk." I look at her slowly, pretending to be into the book I've been mindlessly staring at trying to take my mind off the days events.

"What's up, mom?"

"I've noticed you haven't been using, you know, the feminine products lately. Is there anything we need to talk about?" I look away and feel myself begin to cry, my eyes filling up with those tears that burn through to your core. "That's what I was afraid of," she pulls out a box with another plastic stick, "if it's positive I'll make an appointment for the doctor first thing." I nod my head and slowly make my way to the bathroom still feeling the burning in my eyes.

Maybe it was just my birth control, I thought to myself. Maybe this will come back negative and everything can go back to normal. I take and open the box, pulling one of the most annoyingly crinkly packages out. Once I'm done, I lay the test on the sink and wash my hands. Looking up my face is red and swollen from holding back the many emotions. My auburn hair in a weird ponytail to keep it out of my face, my eyes an intense golden brown brought out more by the redness surrounding them. I've never really liked looking at myself in any way shape or form, being very well aware of how unattractive I am. After a couple minutes of staring at the floor I quickly glance at the test in front of me. Shit, the one word had never scared me so much before. I was sure it would never happen to me, he had even told me he couldn't have kids anyways. Shit, I screamed at myself in my head for even believing such a lie.

I grab the test and slowly make my way out and to my mother's room, the tears finally finding their way down my cheeks like two rivers freeing my secrets. At this point mom didn't even need to see the test, she knew. I could see the anger in her eyes, the disappointment, but that didn't matter in that moment. Getting up from her bed she came over to me in the doorway and enveloped me in her arms, we just stood there both crying and unable to day anything.

True to her word, mom made an appointment for me with our family doctor. Only thinking I was about 4 to 6 weeks, the doctor made the unsurprising suggestion of a termination. Although I was scared, I knew that wasn't what I wanted. To be safe we set up an appointment with an ultrasound to get dates. Going through the rest of the week was a blur, paying attention in class was impossible. It was almost the end of the year so everyone was all a little spacey.

When the day came for the first ultrasound it was clear how they felt about such a young kid coming in. I was asked the standard questions, then straight to business. "Well, it's a boy," the tech blurted out without even asking if I wanted to find out or wait. The rest of the ultrasound went on in silence as the room continued to feel heavier and the technician still would not look at me. Once we get back to the room there were so many questions running through my mind, but I couldn't put them into coherent words.

"Well," the doctor started, "how far along did you say you thought you were?"

"Umm," I said confused, "about 6 weeks maybe?"

She looks down at her chart and shakes her head. "You are about 16 weeks, give or take a couple of days." That's when the whole room, no the whole building, went silent. I could see her and mother's lips moving but had no idea what they were saying. I couldn't move, doing the math in my head was all I could do.

Four weeks in a month, sixteen divided by four… had it really been four months? Four months since that painfully awkward night, had I really been hiding for that long?

"Well, that's that then," the doctor says finally getting my attention. "We'll see you back here in a month." Mother nods looking at me, holding the ultrasound pictures the doctor brought in to give us.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so," I say as I watch the room spin, nervous about what's to come.

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Teen pregnancy is a tough topic for many, which is why so many teens end up pregnant in the first place. In some cases it's so easy to blame the hormones, but there are so many different factors to consider. In my case it was the typical teenage mindset of it'll never happen to me.

There is so much more to the story, I'll share in parts. If you're still reading this and you have preteen or teenage children, or even are a teenager yourself, please use this example to start a conversation with your child or parents about the risks and ways to lessen them. Not everything is 100% and just because someone makes up an excuse not to use protection, think about yourself and if you're ready for the potential life change.