What this Song Means to Me

This song holds significant meaning in my life. This song came out about the time my parents separated. I had always looked up to my dad and admired him until he spanked me really hard and hurt me to the point of not being able to sit down.

When my father left I was told by my parents my dad was going away to work during the week and would be back on the weekends. Well that was the case for about a month then it tapered. Enter this song. This song is about a boy longing for his dad and time with his dad. I put myself in the shoes of the boy in this song and said this is me. I couldn't figure why I didn't have a daddy any more, it was a stigma back then for a child not to have their daddy. Divorce was a dirty word, and kids that were living in a broken home often lived in shame. Again this song, dad brought a ball home thanks for the ball can you teach me to throw, not today as walked away but a smile never came. That depicted the loneliness a boy felt and I felt it also because I identified with the boy. My dad hardly came to any of my ball games because my mother would never give him a game schedule, I would look for my dad and he wasn't there. I would go home and cry sometimes knowing my dad didn't love me, then this song would come blaring through the radio and I would be even more depressed. My mother couldn't figure it out, my foster parents did, my boyfriends did.

Someone else figured it out also, he was twenty-six and I was ten. He met me in the park, and I went to his house then he told me he had a boyfriend. I asked who and he said it was me. He treated me like gold, never hurt me, beat me anything like that. I would have done anything he wanted me to do, he kept our intimacy to a minimum. He bought me things I needed not everything I wanted, sometimes he would spoil me but not every time it was rare. He treated me like I was the best thing in the world, I cried like a baby the day his boyfriend betrayed him and had him arrested because of us. I lost him, yet I lost another significant man in my life, yet this song was a constant reminder that some boys had daddies and I didn't. I was sad and devastated because my dad hardly came to see me. When I went to live with my dad due to custodial issues, I still felt like a stranger because he worked two jobs and was hardly home, so this song was still a reminder of what I didn't have.

I vowed that if I ever had children they would never long for a father in their lives like I longed for one in my life. I did have children, I was their coach, scout leader and everything in between. My spouse never understood why I devoted so much time to working as a volunteer coach especially where kids didn't have a father in the house. I did it because I knew if he felt like I did then I was hoping I could build his self esteem and confidence a little by spending time with him. In scouts on a camping trip I met a young boy who reminded me of myself as a child, he had no money and wanted to do projects and merit badges. I met him the first day, he was crying and I spoke to him and asked what was the issue. He explained he had no money and wanted to take merit badges that required projects. I went with him and asked if was signed up for class and they said yes, so I took him to the gift shop and bought him his required projects keeping the receipts. He gave me the biggest hug I had ever received. It felt good, again this song was going through my head when I made the decision to do this. I was happy to do it for him.

Now at age fifty-nine and I am single, I have decided to do foster to adopt. I want to provide a good home to a young boy who has no father or whose father has substance abuse issues, just because of this song. I can't save the world but this song had a profound influence on my life and I don't think the singer even realizes what kind of influence it had or impact it made on my life.