What is a normal family?

I have always believed that a truly harmonious family is one in which each other loves each other, dad does dad's thing, mom does mom's thing, and kids do kid's thing, and everyone is perfectly functioning. The structure of a family is like the framework of a house. If the father is not functioning as a father, some part of the house is bound to collapse. The best family structure is three-way, that is, father, mother and child. And the best relationship is that dad is dad, mom is mom, and kids are kids. Once the family structure is only binary, for example, the child and the mother are very tight, the father is marginalized; Or children caught in the middle of their parents, according to the requirements, while close to the father, while close to the mother, this dual structure model is basically in opposition to the state. Children who grow up in unbalanced relationships struggle to find a relatively balanced state of mind later in life, and are often filled with deep anxiety. Children who grow up in a family with disharmonious relationship between husband and wife will have an inner sense of inferiority. The reason is simple, after the relationship is not harmonious, the child may become the "parent" of the parents, the substitute parent function. But children are children. In fact, children cannot be their parents. The frustration of reality also tells him, "You can't do it." Gradually, he generalized his inability to save his parents to his own inability to do anything, forming an inferiority complex. In particular, the more timid parents in reality, full of fear for the future, unconsciously put their desire on the child, hoping that the child to help their parents to complete their own can not do. Some parents don't fulfill their children, they want to change their children into what they imagine. For example, parents want their children to have a successful career in the future. For this purpose, the children start to put a lot of effort into this goal from an early age, but do not know what they really want. Take my personal experience. I am the eldest and grandchild of my family. My name was decided before I was even born. I was born with the expectations of my parents and all members of my family, and their expectations of me were received by me in unconscious ways, such as the demands and teachings of my family, which still have a strong influence on me. Other parents expect their child to be a boy even before it is born, and if it is a girl, parents or other family members will, in unconscious ways, pass on their disappointment at the birth. Gradually, she will feel worthless. In order to prove that she is not a burden to the family, she will use many ways, such as listening to her mother or making many contributions to the family. Only by doing so did she feel a presence and worth in the family. So, sometimes, parents may use their children as tools to fulfill their own desires, rather than to help their children grow up. Therefore, the relationship between parents and children is mainly the link of blood. In this three-way relationship, there needs to be a free flow of love, and we all feel that flow when we are in the relationship. For example, are you a good father or mother? It's not up to you. It's how the child feels in the relationship. Children experience the feeling is good, then, you are a good father or mother. If the child's experience in the relationship is bad, but mom and dad think they're doing a good job, it's not really good. In other words, the test of whether you are a good parent is not in the parents, but in the children.