Lane A Ruybal
Bio
Priest: "The holy Cross is now all over the world."
Listener: "That's good."
Pastor: "How do you know?"
Listener: "I don't care about people. I have two in my house. The two shops I own, they've got cross seals on their doors
Stories (3/0)
What is a normal family?
I have always believed that a truly harmonious family is one in which each other loves each other, dad does dad's thing, mom does mom's thing, and kids do kid's thing, and everyone is perfectly functioning. The structure of a family is like the framework of a house. If the father is not functioning as a father, some part of the house is bound to collapse. The best family structure is three-way, that is, father, mother and child. And the best relationship is that dad is dad, mom is mom, and kids are kids. Once the family structure is only binary, for example, the child and the mother are very tight, the father is marginalized; Or children caught in the middle of their parents, according to the requirements, while close to the father, while close to the mother, this dual structure model is basically in opposition to the state. Children who grow up in unbalanced relationships struggle to find a relatively balanced state of mind later in life, and are often filled with deep anxiety. Children who grow up in a family with disharmonious relationship between husband and wife will have an inner sense of inferiority. The reason is simple, after the relationship is not harmonious, the child may become the "parent" of the parents, the substitute parent function. But children are children. In fact, children cannot be their parents. The frustration of reality also tells him, "You can't do it." Gradually, he generalized his inability to save his parents to his own inability to do anything, forming an inferiority complex. In particular, the more timid parents in reality, full of fear for the future, unconsciously put their desire on the child, hoping that the child to help their parents to complete their own can not do. Some parents don't fulfill their children, they want to change their children into what they imagine. For example, parents want their children to have a successful career in the future. For this purpose, the children start to put a lot of effort into this goal from an early age, but do not know what they really want. Take my personal experience. I am the eldest and grandchild of my family. My name was decided before I was even born. I was born with the expectations of my parents and all members of my family, and their expectations of me were received by me in unconscious ways, such as the demands and teachings of my family, which still have a strong influence on me. Other parents expect their child to be a boy even before it is born, and if it is a girl, parents or other family members will, in unconscious ways, pass on their disappointment at the birth. Gradually, she will feel worthless. In order to prove that she is not a burden to the family, she will use many ways, such as listening to her mother or making many contributions to the family. Only by doing so did she feel a presence and worth in the family. So, sometimes, parents may use their children as tools to fulfill their own desires, rather than to help their children grow up. Therefore, the relationship between parents and children is mainly the link of blood. In this three-way relationship, there needs to be a free flow of love, and we all feel that flow when we are in the relationship. For example, are you a good father or mother? It's not up to you. It's how the child feels in the relationship. Children experience the feeling is good, then, you are a good father or mother. If the child's experience in the relationship is bad, but mom and dad think they're doing a good job, it's not really good. In other words, the test of whether you are a good parent is not in the parents, but in the children.
By Lane A Ruybalabout a year ago in Families
Are you happy?
Recently I have been thinking about such a question: work every day moving bricks, living so tired, what is the meaning of living? Is making a lot of money and achieving financial freedom the ultimate purpose of life? Are financially free people happy? With these questions in mind, I finished reading The Happiness Method by Tal Ben-Shahar, author and lecturer of a popular Harvard course on positive Psychology. According to the author, happiness is the sum of pleasure and meaning, and is the ultimate wealth of life. Happiness is the primary goal that people should pursue, but it is often ignored by people in modern society. Pleasure (present benefit) refers to positive emotional experience, reducing the control of negative emotions, meaning (future benefit) involves choosing goals that are in line with one's values and hobbies, and finding self-fulfilling meaning. However, no matter where we live, the pursuit of happiness requires discussing the relationship between material and happiness. Human existence and development cannot be separated from material life. Material life can satisfy the basic needs of mankind. But material things do not equal happiness, rich people do not necessarily happy. Happiness is based on a certain material basis, but people should not pursue material as the goal of life. People's earning ability is limited, but happiness is unlimited. Happiness is a long-term pursuit and never stops, unlike material life, which can be quantified by money. Just like plants take time to manage, happiness takes time to manage. Here's what I learned from this book that we can practice: 1. Create habits. It takes 21 days to build a habit. It could be exercising three times a week, meditating for 15 minutes a day, going out with your partner every Tuesday, etc. Make it a habit to define the details of your actions and set a time limit for them. 2. Express gratitude. Write down 5 things you are grateful for every day. It could be a nice meal or a conversation with a good friend, or an interesting idea at work. 3. Record your daily activities and find a "life map". Take a little time each day to record your day. Keep a record for 1-2 weeks. At the end of each week, draw a chart of what you did, when you did it, and the meaning and pleasure it brought. Note whether you would like to spend more or less time on it. This method can help us find patterns of happiness so that we can make better plans for our lives. 4. Pursue self-concordant goals. Goals are meaning, not endings. Actively choose goals about growth, relationships, and contributing to society. Don't pursue external goals that others think you should pursue, like wealth and fame. Instead, pursue goals that have deep meaning for you and bring you happiness. The pursuit of the most want to do, this is their heart's deepest expectations. 5. Go to work with a sense of purpose. There is no happiness or meaning in taking work as a task. But for those who think of their work as a mission, the work itself is a goal. Choose a job based on ability (what you can do) as well as passion (what you want to do). Find happiness in the things you do and add things that you enjoy, are meaningful, and are good at. 6. Write gratitude letters to people you care about. It could be a lover, a family member, a good friend, etc. You can write about the fun times you've had together in the past, or your shared goals and dreams for the future.
By Lane A Ruybalabout a year ago in Psyche
How to understand the saying that human beings are as thin as paper, and the meaning of human beings?
I, not a big money, nor a big official, I, no power, no money. I am just an ordinary and simple person, as ordinary as grass, as clear as water. Through many ups and downs, experienced the twists and turns of life, I understand, human thin as paper, the heart is muddy, some road must go, some suffering must be their own, look to others, is not a long-term plan, rely on others, no one will respond to you. Ask people, but also see others face; Use people, but also listen to others verbose. Don't cling to the past refused to go, don't rely on once don't let go. When a person ignores you, don't be sad, everyone has their own life, who can not always accompany you. The most embarrassing is to overestimate their position in the heart of others, in fact, you know clearly, the most humble but feelings, the most cool but the heart. You must understand, to go people can not stay, pretend to be confused not to wake up, don't like you moved. Others help you, that is love, others do not help you, that is duty, rely on anyone is a kind of wishful thinking, their own happiness and dream in their own hands, belong to their own wonderful life, only by themselves to create. Their own pain to eat, their own pain to suffer. Don't put your hopes in others. No one wants to overfeed the same people. Don't make excuses, but complain more. Put the heart, a good state of mind, cry over the pain, long memory, continue to move forward until the end of life. Forward it! The structure of herringbone is to support each other. Therefore, it is necessary to improve their utilization value. Only in this way can we support others and ourselves. Otherwise, who else would you support but your own mother and father? On the other hand, it's good to be used. Wolves walk thousands of miles to eat meat, sheep walk thousands of miles to eat grass, people's heart, only the interests of the most Lord. There are also kind people, not many. Be self-reliant. It's up to you to thrive. Cold years, everyone is not easy to live, for the rich people, and others common rich, nothing for no money, is not each other, cold eyes relative. Very painful but do not shout, very tired but do not say, and not feel, nor do not feel, pain, no one understand, shout out and what, tired, no one help, say it again; Have bitter but do not say, tears but do not flow, not do not want to say, also do not want to flow, life, a lot of bitter time, the tears quietly swallow, life, cry a lot of time, gently hide the bitter. Life is bitter and happy, bitter, I can do, tears, I do not flow. People's life is not easy, cry tired pain, fall and climb up the foot of the road, or step by step to go down, the scenery in front of the more beautiful, all their own fuel, stride forward. Life is like this, parents, friends, husband and wife, comrade help, social help, the end is limited, often ask people, as oneself, ask people as oneself, can not rely on the day, can not rely on the ground, finally rely on their own.
By Lane A Ruybalabout a year ago in Futurism
