What If

8 years later, and I’m still wondering……What If. What if you never laid these Foundations. What if I never grasped your teachings and held them Close to Heart. What if I was not equipped to be the Woman you Believed I was destined to be. What if you had used a different technique to mold us into becoming greater. What if you were still Alive. These are the emotions I constantly have to suppress knowing you are no-longer here to acknowledge them for me.

This year is Monumental, primarily because it marks the 8th Heavenly Birthday in Heaven. I seldom reflect on your last days on earth wondering whether you knew Death was closing in. You spoke to me differently, often trying to state the obvious; but I was too oblivious to the truth. The reality of facing my biggest fear clouded my judgment. I couldn’t bring myself to face the reality of losing you and having to introduce you to my Children one day in past tense. I wanted a different outcome. I wanted you to help me raise them. I wanted to believe you can overcome this sickness the same way you have always overcome everything else. I wanted to give you more time in life. i wanted you to be the conqueror you have always been throughout this journey in Life. I wanted to one day reflect back on your darkest days and reminisce on the triumphant moment. but all that was ripped from me, the moment you died. i immediately found myself lost and fighting a battle I knew nothing of. I was alive yet felt dead inside. Thie emptyness still clog my mind to this day. that empty hole in my heart is my only constant reminder of what it feels like to lose a mother

To this day, I vividly still remember asking God to take away all the materialistic elements I own if it Ment you could live longer. many nights i cried myself to sleep asking God to take my Soul like you took my Mother's Soul. After many failed attempts, I soon realized, Life didn’t work that way. Your death broke me. Nevertheless; it also got me immune to Pain. I also learned to spread my wings and stand up for what I believe in even if it means: Standing Alone. You were affirm believer of that statement. I sometimes wonder if my children would also turn out like me. You were my greatest teacher, inspiration, fashionista, and always full of wisdom.

When I’m at crossroads, I no-longer ask what if? But instead asked myself: What would Leonida do. You stood by your words even when it Ment standing Alone. That is the biggest flex I think I inherited from you. I no-longer live in a world of what ifs but a world of Why Not. I thrive and continue to push boundaries knowing “I am My Mother’s Child”. There’s no me without you. Your spirit shines through me in ways I can’t explain. The Bible says; To be Absent from the Body, is to Be Present With God. May you continue to be the light that shines through me and my decisions. I miss you dearly Mommy Dearest. Dance with Angels as we Dance here on Earth for you as well. Love you to Eternity….

I have Surprised Many, but this Year I wanted to go back to the Drawing Board. And Surprise the Greatest of All Times Nyomollo. This being a Monumental Year for you, I wanted the memories to Reflect Your Oura and Persona. The Harmony and tranquility that I Felt on this Day, assures me that We finally Got it Right. May I Continue to Make You Proud Mamana 👏🏾. Your Spirit Lives on Despite your physical Realm Being Gone. Happy Birthday Nyathi ga Akong’o….Happy Birthday Matriarch!! FASHIONISTA , and best of all My TIMELESS BEAUTY