What do I know?

There were only 3 of us on the prenatal ward and it was dark and eerily quiet. With each contraction, I suppressed the pain to try and stay in control of myself. I’d asked for a paracetamol at 8 p.m. and was told they would bring me some. An hour had passed and I’d been completely forgotten about. I pressed the buzzer as the pain began to intensify. “I think I’m in labour, can you check to see if I’ve dilated at all please?” I said. The midwife appeared quite old school so I assumed she was in her late 50s. I already had a feeling I wasn’t going to be taken seriously. “We started your induction at 6 p.m.,” she replied. “We won’t check you again for another 24 hours now.” However, I knew something was happening and I knew my body, so why didn’t she believe me? At around midnight, my waters broke and the same midwife came to check on me, “Oh, you’re 4 cm dilated,” she exclaimed. “I told you!” I said firmly.

Let’s talk about birth, especially when it’s your first child. I’d watched numerous birthing videos to try and mentally prepare myself for labour and childbirth. I had envisioned myself giving birth in a beautiful birthing suite, fairy lights, calming music, submersed in water, with someone rubbing my back. I’d made the mistake of fantasising over other women’s natural births and had assumed that mine would be the same. Not once did I watch a cesarian section video because I thought to myself, that wouldn’t happen to me.

How wrong I was. In hindsight, maybe I should’ve researched c-sections too. Although nothing can really prepare you for the type of birth you will have. Many aspects of birth are out of our control, but what we do have control over are our voices. And yet, it didn’t feel like I had a voice because no one was listening to me. Was it because this was my first time having a baby, therefore I was being viewed as ignorant? Or was it because the medical professionals do this job day in and day out, therefore they automatically know what’s best for us?

Either way, it was extremely disheartening that my experience had been dampened by a lack of autonomy.

I feel the limited choices or freedom to make decisions throughout my birthing experience may have contributed towards my traumatic birth. I wasn’t listened to from the start, which automatically made me doubt myself and my instincts. My birth resulted in an emergency c-section, which, in the end, was the safest way for my baby to be born.

Before the procedure, one of the obstetricians asked me if I had any wishes. My one wish was that if the baby was healthy, I wanted to have immediate skin-to-skin. I couldn’t believe that someone had actually asked me what I wanted. I’d almost forgotten my birth plan but remembered that this had been one of my wishes. He assured me that this would definitely happen. Once my baby was born I was shown him briefly, but could barely see his face. They immediately took him over into the far corner and all I could hear were his cries. After what felt like a lifetime, I called out to see my son. No one responded because everyone had left my side, even my partner at the time. I could feel myself getting panicky and extremely upset. I called out once more, but again I was met with silence.

A few months down the line I’d made a formal complaint and a meeting was arranged at the hospital through PALS, (patient advice and liaison services.) Following my debrief, I found that my son wasn’t handed to me for a total of 15 minutes. The debrief revealed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him and he didn’t require any emergency attention from birth. They couldn’t give me an explanation so instead I was met with a formal apology as the hospital took ownership. However, it wasn’t enough. They had let me and my son down.

After attending numerous group therapy sessions with MumsAid, I found I wasn’t the only woman who hadn’t been listened to during their birthing experience. Again, these women’s instincts had been disregarded and their birthing experiences rushed.

I still can’t accept that I had to wait 15 minutes to see my son when he was born. I waited 9 months to be the first to meet him and endured the many complications that pregnancy has to offer. I will never forgive the hospital for not listening to me. My feedback to them following my complaint was to make every effort to listen! Women in labour know their bodies best and need more support in trusting themselves and the process.

After my birthing experience, I now understand the importance of having a strong advocate present during childbirth. This is even more important when you’re unable to advocate for yourself. Birth is such a sacred moment, and so every birthing individual deserves to be heard.