Variations on a Theme

I was recently inspired by my husband to write about my experiences with my three pregnancies as each one ended differently, though all three did have the same outcome of a beautiful and sweet baby in my arms.

What are the different forms of childbirth?

That is a very broad subject as there are lots of options out there right now for the expectant mother to choose from. The most common are hospital births with or without epidurals, and c-sections. There are also birthing pools, home deliveries, and mid-wives that offer both in-home and clinic births.

For me, all three of my births took place in the care of a hospital. Here are my stories.

Gwen: I was in my early twenties when this little bundle decided she couldn't wait any longer to be a part of the world outside the womb. I was home relatively resting aside from enduring the normal discomforts of a first time pregnancy. I wasn't expecting even worry about her being born for another month and a half. So imagine my confusion and worry when I realized that I was going into labor!

Home alone, in a town where I knew no one, I called the only person who might be able to help, my husband's Sergeant. After explaining things to her in between contractions. I followed her advise and grabbed my ID and some shoes and made sure the front door was unlocked.

Shortly an ambulance arrived to whisk me to the hospital on post. I live on a less than smooth road, so it came as no surprise to me that when they put the IV in my arm they missed the vein completely (a mistake no one knew about until much later at the hospital).

Once in the hospital, I was given the once over by the night head nurse, it was determined that I was going to be delivering this baby that night and they needed to get me and themselves prepped for it.

Where was the soon to be father?

He was being sent helter skelter in a cab to try and get what I might need for later on. He arrived about the same time as his daughter was being born.

In this particular case there was no time for any drugs to be given to me to ease any pains. Gwen was born completely naturally, having the water break about the time I was finally given permission to start pushing followed by the sounds of her screaming her tiny little lungs out shortly afterwards.

She was born premature at three pounds and five ounces. She was still covered in the tiny hairs that babies have during a certain point of their lives still in the womb. She was perfect though. I thought then of how perfect she was, and now nearly nineteen years later I still think she is perfect.

Stefan/Chris: When Gwen was between three and four months old I discovered I was pregnant again. By this point in our life though things were very different from what they were when I first found out I was pregnant with Gwen. I now had a new baby I was learning day by day how to take care of, I was still healing both physically and emotionally from having my first baby, and my husband was getting ready to deploy for a tour we had no knowledge of how long he was going to be gone for.

In addition to me going through my issues, he was going through his. And sadly his were in the direction more of "I really did not want to be a father". So when it was discovered I was pregnant again, he took full advantage of my unstable emotional state and convinced me to not make a noticable deal about the pregnancy. A few people whom we had gotten close to knew about the pregnancy, and did their best to offer me support.

As it got closer to my due date I couldn't avoid being seen by a doctor any longer and we were able to go and get a catch up visit where we also got to have our one and only ultrasound done. This is when we learned I was having a boy. I was both overjoyed and heartbroken. I was so thankful that this little life that was growing inside of me was healthy and strong. And I was so heartbroken because I had already started the process of giving him up for adoption.

Time sped by. Gwen grew and on the eve of thanksgiving 2002 I was rushed to the hospital. This time though I was taken by a neighbor who also watched Gwen for us while my husband and I stayed together in the monitoring room waiting for both the doctor and for my contractions to get closer.

The doctor finally came in after we felt we had been there forever. He makes a statement after looking at my charts about how he thought I had had my baby already. Which caused me to grab his lab coat and pull his face down to my belly and say "Do I look like I have had my baby already?"

Needless to say that was a memorable moment, at least for me.

Shortly after that I was walked to a delivery room, made to shower and walk around some more. This pregnancy was dragging on forever it felt like to me.

It was finally time and I was asked if I wanted anything for the pain. I said yes in a not so calm manner, and was given an IV. Unfortunately, whatever it was they gave me made it difficult to for me to tell if I was pushing hard enough to get the baby out or not. And eventually to prevent anything harmful from happening to the baby, they had to assist in the birth with a special vacuum.

My son was born on the eve of thanksgiving, weighing 6lbs even, and had the most beautiful long, thick, straight, black hair I have ever seen on a newborn.

I was able to spend almost a week with him after his birth. Which I shall forever cherish. We were in the hospital a little longer due to the holidays, and while there I was visited by several caseworkers trying to talk me out of what had already been put into motion with the adoption. I was fearful about what I would face from my husband, and so did not sway on the decision.

Also, while still in hospital, I was asked if the baby was to be circumcised. Not knowing then what I know now, I said yes. And had my heart broken all over again when I saw the pain and suffering my tiny little boy endured afterwards with each diaper change.

A few days after taking him home from the hospital the adoption people came to pick him up. And even though I was assured that he was going to a good and loving couple, it was decision that breaks my heart all over again whenever I think about that time in my life.

It has been nearly eighteen years since then. I have been introduced in recent years to the young man that was the innocent and beautiful baby all those years ago. And I now know that even though it is was hard and the circumstances surrounding it was not exceptionally positive, I did the best thing for my son by giving him to the family he has been raised by. He is just as beautiful as his older sister, in fact they could almost pass for twins. I pray one day to be able to give him a hug and to get a picture of them together.

J.J.: Seventeen years is a long time in between pregnancies. And a lot can happen in that time. For me, I had gotten divorced and remarried. Gained another daughter from my new marriage who was close to the same age as Gwen, had a few jobs. Finally found some more solid forms of happiness and stability for both myself and for Gwen. And was also diagnosed with diabetes.

The end of summertime in 2018 my family went to Atlanta, Georgia for a fun and excitement when we attended DragonCon. It was an most memorable event. And we left with several souvenirs. Including one we didn't know about until a few weeks later. I had conceived during our trip!

Unlike my other two pregnancies, I was in between health insurance and was uncertain what to do once I found out the good news. But my wonderful husband stepped up to the plate and helped us both get some answers on the matter. I was able to get my first ultrasound through an amazing company by the name of SkyLark. This helped me determine how far along exactly the pregnancy was. With their help and guidance and a little help as well from friends I was able to get on insurance and be taken care of eventually.

Living as a non-military spouse this time around presented a whole new outlook on pregnancy in my area. Locally we do not have a maternity ward in the local hospital. Nor do we have a OBGYN. We have a clinic that one visits once in a great while. But that is about it. By January of 2019 we finally had a regular care practice to visit in Savannah and was taken very good care of. By this time we had learned that we would be having a boy. We were both excited and a little wary since neither of us had actually raised a little boy before. Over time we were able to have everything we needed set up for when the big day arrived. As my due date crept closer it was decided that due to my age and my own health conditions it would be better to schedule the birth for a c-section delivery and have a procedure to tie my tubes at the same time done as I agreed with the doctors that it would pose a health risk to me if I were to be pregnant again after this one.

April 15,2019. I am working from home doing customer service work. My husband is getting ready to leave to go to his job fifty miles away. In the middle of the call I was taking, and just as my husband is about to walk out the door. I start having really hard contractions. Needless to say I end the call. Clock out of work after briefly explaining to my team why I was leaving in the middle of shift, and grab my husband to take me to the hospital in Savannah roughly thirty minutes away. Thank god for speakerphone and bluetooth. My husband was able to call into work while driving.

Once in the emergency room we wait for what feels like forever before finally being taken up for observation.

A couple noteworthy things happened that night. One, we were there until midnight only to have the contractions ease and be sent home. Two, Notre Dame cathedral caught fire.

Needless to say I took the rest of April as easy as I possibly could.

May 6, 2019. My husband, Gwen, mother-in-law and father-in-law all arrived to welcome the new member of the family into the world. We arrived at the hospital as instructed. And was shown into a beautifully large room with comfortable couch and chairs and hospital bed. And we began to wait. Originally we were going to aim for a natural birth since the baby had finally turned head down during our last ultrasound visit. But, when the nurses where checking he had decided to change his mind and was now breech, laying side to side.

We were offered to just come back another day or even later in the day to give the baby a chance to turn again. But we figured since it would just be a matter of a few hours to wait for a c-section to be prepped for and we had already discussed this as a possibility with the doctors, to move forward with things.

My husband is not the steadiest when it comes to blood, and so it was decided that Gwen would get to experience this moment with me and the baby. She was very excited.

When the time came she and I were taken to the OR (operating room) where I was given my first and only epidural in my life. It did not feel pleasant and was initially very uncomfortable. At least until it did its job. Once on the operating table the drapes were put up, Gwen was seated by my side and things got started.

I felt nothing but the occasional tug as they performed the operation. And after what felt like both forever and no time at all, they lowered the drapes long enough for me to be shown a very purple slimy little angel and to be told that yes indeed we had a boy.

The drapes went back up. And they continued on with the rest of the procedures. Ending of course in closing me up. While that was going on I strained my ears to across the room. Worried because I didn't hear any sounds from the baby. Then I heard a cry and was able to relax a tiny bit.

He had to be taken to the NICU for about two weeks before he could come home due to low blood sugar. But once he was stabilized and able to maintain those on his own he was allowed to be taken home.

He was born weighing just over seven pounds, had very unusual colored eyes, and much like his brother a full head of hair. Though he is strawberry blond.

Also, in the past few months he has also undergone surgery shortly after turning one for a tethered cord on his spine.

These are just my experiences with the variations of childbirth and the ups and downs that came with them.

Would I change anything if I could go back? On these specific points and moments in time. No, I wouldn't. Each experience has touched me deeply and has helped make me the woman and mother that I am today. I am not perfect. I am still learning. But I am who I am in part because of my children.