Unveiled

In a whole life steeped in awkward social moments, how am I to pick just one? From elementary school to high school to college and beyond, being socially graceful has never been my strong suit. Maybe I can settle on a moment that transpired as “social shock.” There are many. So, so many. But the one that shook my world?

I was married at 29; divorced at 31. I had been in this stagnant relationship for eight years before we tied the knot. I must have been naive.

This isn’t a story about him; it’s a story about me. The me who found my power and refused to settle for a life of constant wallowing in victimization. I decided to make a different choice. This came after years of being bogged-down by trying to fit in; by living to the expectations piled upon me in love.

I packed up a few things, making sure the “run-away” bag I always kept in my truck had a couple of clean changes of clothes and my toothbrush. Into my truck, I loaded up my dog, my newest CDs, my laptop, and took off. In the dark.

The blinders finally came off. I was shocked into wakefulness after driving at night for 5 hours to stay with a friend in response to another nonsensical fight with my new husband.

I was talking to my friend when I realized I was just rehashing the same complaints over again. It was in that moment the epiphany came. I was tired of listening to myself. If I wanted things to be different, I had to be different. It was in that moment that I discovered and claimed my power. Even though saying “yes” and “I do” were definitely the wrong decisions, it seemed like I was powerless to stop those events. Like a train wreck I know is coming, I just had to watch it happen – see it through. I tried with all my might to stop it once I figured out the truth, but it was too late; destined for destruction no matter how much care I took.

It soon became apparent to me that the concern from others – husband, friends, family – was not for me, but for themselves, and my evolving “difficultness.” Many people were uncomfortable with my newly established boundaries, their inability to manipulate me anymore. Many relationships changed, or even became non-existent. It was good. That made room in which to establish new and healthier relationships, and provided the opportunity for me to actually value myself.

I didn’t want this life, nor this future I saw happening. I needed to change it. I tried first to change it from within through a lot of honest reflection and communication with my then partner. He didn’t take it well. He became increasingly desperate in the waning of his manipulative powers over me. The greatest weapon used against me was emotional maltreatment, turning more violently verbal and on the verge of physical.

When temper tantrums, tricks, lies and stalking didn’t work to lure me back under control, he decided to go with giving me the silent treatment. This all only proved to me why I was glad to not have spent another decade of my life trapped in his childish lair. I was ready to grow up, he was not. If he wasn’t ready to move forward with me mentally, I was ready to move on alone. My vision for my life was much greater than his limitations.

My advice – life works more smoothly when you follow you’re authentic heart. When you’re authentic in your actions, the “right” path and people will appear. You may find yourself shocked into awareness. That's where the freedom is.

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