Unexpected Conversations

Charlie had been sick for the last four years. His back was in constant pain. Lily knew that he was hurting, but she had no idea how extenuating his circumstances really were. Charlie had carefully omitted his true health issues from his wife. He did not want her to worry about him. They had lived many happy years together. Forty years of his sixty years on Earth had been spent with Lily.

He loved nature and missed his days of being a forest ranger with Lily back when they were young. When he got the diagnosis of stage 4 Leukemia, he knew he was too tired to go to war with cancer. With the last bit of strength he had, he made sure to spend time with his family, even his cranky dad.

Charlie drove his truck in the homecoming parade, while his grandson and JROTC Sweetheart waved from the back, throwing candy to the children watching. He enjoyed getting to feel young again with the cheers from the excited crowd. Charlie even attended his oldest grandson’s wedding not long after he celebrated his 60th birthday. His gift to his new granddaughter-in-law and his grandson, George, was his sage advice on living a long life with a happy wife.

“You’ve got to let the little things go, know what’s worth fighting for and what isn’t,” said Charlie to George as they walked to the wedding garden.

“Like what grandpa? How do I know what is worth fighting for and what to let go of?” asked George earnestly.

“Fight for your marriage, fight for your children’s best interests, never fight with your wife or your children. There is a difference between being proud and being loving. Don’t ever let pride in, once you do, you lose the love. As the old saying goes, ‘Pride comes before a fall’. Just remember that.” Charlie thoughtfully added, “Remember rules without relationship lead to rebellion. If you want children who will love you, respect you, and do well in life, have a good relationship with them.”

George hugged Charlie, “Thank you, grandpa, great advice!” he said with a smile. This was one of George’s last memories with his grandpa.

Lily got off late Friday evening, so she grabbed a pizza on her way home from work. She went to wake Charlie from his afternoon nap. He took these often now that cancer had ravaged his body. In his prime, he stood over 6 feet tall and weighed about 220 pounds. In just the last year, he shrunk to a mere 5 foot 10 inches and weighed just 125 pounds. He could barely walk through the forest anymore without a walking stick.

Lily saw Charlie lying so peacefully on their bed. Lily gently tapped Charlie's arm to wake him. He didn't respond. She tapped him again a little harder, nothing. She panicked, "Cara, come quick! He won't wake up!" Cara, Charlie's mom, had been a school nurse during her lifetime, but now she was nearing 90 years old and didn't have the strength to resuscitate Charlie. Lily frantically called 911.

“Betty, come quick! I just saw an ambulance, a fire truck, and two cop cars fly down the road to your parents’ home!”

Betty was so thankful her parents had such good neighbors. Betty’s family raced to the car, they flew around the lake to her parent's home, only slowing down for the deer to cross in front of them. They saw the ambulance pass by without sirens on. "Okay, so it's not that bad if they are leaving" whispered Betty trying to calm herself down.

“Whoa there! Who are you?” asked the officer.

“I’m Betty, this is my parents’ home. What is going on?”

“You better talk to your mom, she’s in the kitchen.” Betty and her family walked into the house quite bewildered.

Betty looked to her sobbing mother, "What's wrong?"

With tears in her eyes, Lily managed to utter through her sobs, "Dad's dead." Tears filled Betty's eyes as she rushed to her mother's side.

"Maybe they can bring him back to life in the ambulance?" said sweet little Emmy.

"No Emmy, they can't because he is here, in our bedroom," said Grandma Lily to little Emmy. She hugged her tight and didn't want to let go.

The next few days were filled with stories and sharing fond memories. Sadness filled the home as they looked through old family photobooks in preparation for the funeral.

After the funeral was over, Cara gave Lily a little black book, engraved with "Lily & Charlie Forever". She smiled, "Thank you. So very nice of you, Charlie always wanted a Moleskine, but he never got around to buying one. He thought it would be nice to record his thoughts in it." Cara gave Lily a hug and said, “use this to talk to Charlie, everything you want to say to him, write it down, I had one just like this one, it helped me after my second husband died.”

“Thank you, Cara, I don’t know what I would do without you.” Lily hugged Cara and had difficulty letting go. She was so afraid everyone around her was going to die unexpectedly.

A few days had passed, Lily remembered the little black book. She missed Charlie so much, 40 years of marriage just wasn't long enough.

“Might as well give it a try, if it hurts too much, I won’t do it again.”

Lily opened the leather-bound Moleskine book.

"In case of loss, please return to:", Lily penned her name and phone number. Then she thought about what to offer for the reward. She looked in her wallet and found the $200 someone had left at the funeral home for her.

"As a reward: $200”, she thought, “ought to be enough for someone to return this if they aren’t very nice.”

She began writing, "Charlie, what should I do? I am so lost without you." Then she closed the little black book and looked out the window. She had no desire to go to work anymore. She had no desire to do anything anymore. Even walks with her little granddaughter didn't comfort her.

The next morning, she opened the little black book to tell Charlie about the crazy dream she had the night before, but instead, she was surprised to see familiar handwriting in response to her own. Was she still dreaming? Below where she had penned "Now what Charlie, what should I do?" Someone had written, "go to the cabin".

Startled, she dropped the book. Trembling, she picked up the book and thought aloud, "Who could have written that?" After all, the book had not left her bedside table. She wrote "Why the cabin?"

Then she saw the letters appearing on the page as if someone was presently writing in it. The handwriting looked so much like Charlie's handwriting. "Because we love the cabin." Lily cried, but this time tears of happiness. Could she really be talking to Charlie in the afterlife from this little black book?

She called Cara and asked her about the mysterious little black book. She assured her that she had no idea what she was talking about, "it's just a book like any other."

Lily knew it wasn't. She thought, "now Cara must think I'm crazy" she giggled to herself, "Oh well, I don't mind if she thinks I'm crazy, as long as I get to talk to Charlie again."

The upkeep on the house was getting to be too much for Lily, but it was paid for. So she let her newlywed grandson and granddaughter-in-law have her house. It no longer felt like home since Charlie wasn't there anymore. She packed up her stuff and drove Charlie's truck to their cabin.

Upon arrival to the old cabin, Lily drove up cautiously. She could see broken windows. She kept her cell phone close to her, as she proceeded with caution up the deck stairs. The cabin was old and weathered. It had been many years since they had last been there.

She pushed hard to open the stuck door. Then she saw broken glass and the pantry doors wide open with what looked to be the remnants of food packaging strewn about. "Oh no, we must not have forgotten to throw away the food the last time we were here!”

Lily was in the habit of talking to herself by this point. It was a surreal feeling without her Charlie there. She talked to him as if he was in the room with her still.

She saw the dirty paw prints of bears who had obviously been in their cabin. "Those mischievous bears! Worse than two-year-olds!" she exclaimed.

After cleaning up the mess, she tiredly sat down on the comfy, worn-out leather sofa. She wrote in her little black book, "So now that I'm here, how am I ever going to afford to replace all these broken windows?"

Lily sat patiently waiting for his response. Nothing. She fell asleep waiting. She woke up to a light knocking on the door. She was greeted by a fellow forest ranger.

"Hi, I am Dottie, but around here, people just call me Dot," she smiled as she greeted Lily. "Here's your new ranger uniform." Dot hung the uniform on the creaky, old, coat rack that looked like it could topple at any moment. Before Lily could even look at her little black book, Dot was rushing her to get up and ready for work.

"Don't worry about the windows, if you have the money, I can get a crew up here in no time at all to replace the windows, fix your leaking roof, and repair your chimney," said Dot reassuringly.

"What? Oh my, I didn't know the roof and chimney were also issues. I don't have any money for those repairs," said Lily despairingly.

"Well then, let's get you to work. You'll have the money soon enough to make these repairs" said Dot cheerfully.

"But Dot, it's still winter, I'll freeze up here without windows."

"True, but you have plenty of blankets to keep you warm." Dot grabbed Lily's arm and whisked her off to their forest ranger SUV.

Lily was tired after a long day of learning the ropes of being a forest ranger in the modern era. As soon as she got to her cabin, she put on her warm, flannel pajamas, sat in her bed, and opened the little black book.

"Do you love your job?" was scrolled in the book.

"Yes, of course, I do," she said aloud, and before she could write it down, Charlie had responded.

"Good, then keep doing it. Don’t let the little things keep you from your joy."

"Sounds a little difficult since you are my joy," said Lily as tears filled her eyes and her voice got shaky, "Besides, I can't even afford to repair the cabin, I may have to go back home."

"Stay here, I know a way to fix everything." Charlie was full of surprises.

"What way?" she asked inquisitively.

"Go to the bookcase in the study." Lily walked hesitantly to the study. "Pull out the book titled Plants in the Forest." Lily searched for the book. It was an archaic book with a rusty old lock on it.

“It’s locked…”

"The key is in my desk drawer." Lily searched the desk drawer and found the key. She inserted the key into the clasp and opened the book. In it, she found cash and lots of it. She counted it out.

"Oh, Charlie! What are you doing with $20,000?"

"Saved it for just such an occasion," he responded.

"Thank you, Charlie.”

Lily took her little black book with her everywhere. Her conversations with Charlie, regardless of how unconventional they were, were almost like having him there with her. Of course, she'd rather have Charlie beside her, holding her hand, but this would do too.