Trust Nobody

DISCLAIMER: ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR PRIVACY!!! SOME DETAILS ALSO LEFT OUT, DUE TO WHAT I'VE BEEN INSTRUCTED ON WHAT I CAN OR CAN'T ELABORATE ON PUBLICLY.

Have you ever trusted the wrong person before? I'm sure we all have. But, have you ever had that same person ruin your life as you know it? I have.

So, here's some back story about how I came to meet the person who I was completely unaware would be the one to ruin my life. When I was 16, living in a group home, I had become friends with someone named Jazmine. We became the best of friends. We kind of dated a little bit, but decided we were more sisterly than anything, so we started calling each other sisters. She lived with her step-mom, Diane, and her step-siblings, so I ended up meeting them and becoming one of the family eventually. I started calling Diane 'mom' and started doing things with them like they really were my family.

I looked up to Diane, and was so glad to have a mom who loved me, or so I thought. I would call her for advice once I was an adult and I'd do whatever it took to be around her. She was my best friend, and I thought showed me a mother's love which I had never had before. I called her three biological children my younger siblings as well and was there for them however I could be. My children called Diane Gigi, until I had to decide to stop their contact with her in 2023.

In April of 2023, Diane decided to surprise me and the kids by showing up at our house to visit. I thought all was good. We talked, hugged, and she left to go back home. Mind you, she lived 3 hours away from us, and had been at a conference 2 hours north of where me and the kids live, so she kind of went out of her way to just show up at the house. That's why I thought it was so sweet of her.

A few weeks later, I had gotten a call from a CPS (child protective services) worker. She said she needed to talk with me about some calls that they had recently received. Of course, I didn't think anything of it at that point, and agreed to meet with the lady. I knew the school had called, due to some of the things my youngest son had said and it was all fictional stuff. He's autistic and his imagination is at an entirely different level. He was obsessed with death and killing people, so for some reason he'd just talk about that stuff all the time.

Come to find out, Diane was actually the one who had called. She fed them lies about me and things I did or didn't do, my house wasn't the cleanest which was my fault, but she called them about that. She then encouraged me to move down to the area where she lives near my sister Jazmine, so I told her I'd think about it. She then in turn, took that and called the worker and told her I was going to be taking my kids and fleeing the state! Mind you, I had no idea this was happening yet....

I continued to call her for advice, I was terrified. On June 7, 2023, CPS took my children away from me. All I could do was cry. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had just become my biological mother, like my adopted mother always told me I'd be like. That day, is when I learned who was responsible for helping CPS make that decision to remove my children, and why. When I tried confronting Diane, she basically admitted she did it, and claims it was because she loved me, and the kids deserve better.

I have never felt so betrayed in my life. Someone I had called my mom for 16 years had committed the ultimate betrayal in my book. She knew what I went through as a child, with foster homes and adopted family, yet she went so far as to put my children who she claims to love through something so traumatic. We haven't spoken since. I can NEVER trust someone so much ever again.

We're all humans, we make mistakes. But my children were fed, clothed, and very well taken care of. Yes, I made mistakes and didn't keep a clean enough home sometimes, but CPS has blamed my negligence on my mental health, which sometimes I could agree with. They have made it sound like I'm not mentally stable enough to parent my children, or to keep them safe. I will say, in the state I live in, there is no real "legal" age for siblings to babysit, yet they said letting my oldest (11 at the time) watch his brother (6 at the time) for a few hours at a time, was unsafe. I've got cameras, house phone, he had a cell phone at this time, and it was NEVER overnight. I have been a single parent, with little to no help from their fathers. I have had to work jobs I didn't want to, quit jobs to accommodate my kids, and even work multiple jobs to give them the best I could. Somehow, I'm feeling it's NEVER good enough.

January 4, 2024

I've been battling with these case workers and court for over six months now! I recently finished up with the court proceedings, and the judge said she was proud of me and hadn't seen someone progress and make the necessary changes as quickly as I have, yet my children are still not home! It's the beginning of the new year and I'm still as lost as I was the day they were taken. My children have been gone from my home for 210 days now....and I can't help but wonder, just how many more days are going to be added to this count.

I've been dying inside, and I feel hopeless. I understand it could always be worse, but some days, I wonder what could be worse than to be forced to live without your kids? Or to be forced to only 'visit' them when it works for the placements? Like yes, the kids are with grandparents, but they're separated, and NOT home, which is what kills me the most! I've been through this as a child, and I KNOW what damage to expect. Even when they're returned to me, they're already not the same children that were taken. The damage has already been done, and it's clear to me that it's going to be a long road to reforming my family and those bonds.

I'm constantly working with different providers to 'improve' yet I still feel as if it's not good enough. I've just been so down on myself lately, and it's been so discouraging, even after hearing the judge say she was proud, it still didn't make me feel better.

We've gone from public monitored visits to now monitored home visits. So that's a HUGE step forward. But it's still just not enough. I just want my babies HOME with me already!!

Well I had a meeting today to determine if I've made enough progress to be able to have the boys back home yet. And of course, even after all the positive things were said by the case workers, the three older people who made up this panel, have all decided my children still need to remain out of home and that just killed me!

They said I've got another review in six months, and if the children aren't home yet, then at that time, I'd go in front of a judge again, who then would bring up the possibility of adoption. Like what in the fuck!? I guess I'll end today with, I will NEVER give up on my children! So I'll continue fighting and just hope for the best!

DAY 243:

We have upgraded to multiple home visits a week. The case worker has informed me that reunification is hopefully going to happen within the next couple of months. That's their goal at least. This is the first time that they've given me a rough estimate of WHEN my babies will be home!

I have now become a fulltime student since I can't seem to have luck finding a new job. I decided maybe this will be our ticket to success. I'm going for Business Management.

June 29, 2024

My babies have been home since March 17, 2024!!!! It was a long 284 days without my kids being home, but now that they've been home for just over 3 months, I couldn't be happier. Granted, we still have workers involved and hopefully that won't be for too much longer, but at least they're home and we can get back to our lives.

The person who caused this spiral of bullshit to happen, recently reached out to me to try convincing me SHE had nothing to do with any of this. Even going as far as to tell me it's shitty that I ripped her grandkids away from her and have continued to keep them from her toxicity. She then had the audacity to ask me if I will ever let her see them again, to which I said 'not at this time.' She's so toxic and such a narcissist that she doesn't even realize her name is the one in all the reports from the beginning as being the one to report said allegations. She just thinks I'm supposed to forgive her and act like nothing happened. It's ridiculous.

So this is the end of that messed up journey I had to go through with my children, all because of a broad who thought she was in the right. My youngest has asked if we can go see her, but I just keep saying no she's busy because it's easier than telling him she's scum and we don't need people like her in our lives. One day he will understand.