To My Moon

To my baby girl,

I can’t begin to tell you how much I love you. Seeing your smile each day warms a part of me that I did not know existed. Loving you has been an eye opening experience for me. Not only have I learned what it means to love someone both completely and purely, but also how to love myself and my body.

Throughout my childhood I struggled with my self image, and did not know how to appreciate the body I had. While carrying you, I was indifferent about the various changes my body was going through and then along came you. With your ten little fingers and ten little toes and a smile that always seems to grow.

I can tell with each passing day that your personality is beginning to flourish. Your eye color may still be changing, but to me in all their stages, they are beautiful. I want to thank you for bringing an inner strength out of me that I did not know I had, let alone needed. Before you, I was terrified to move and breathe in this crazy world of ours. I was terrified for you. How this world would treat you. Would it chew you up and spit you back out? What awful tragedy could possibly be lurking around the corner or hiding in the shadows.

When I look at you, I see the power you possess lurking just beneath the surface of those inquisitive eyes. I see the fire burning there and know that I should have no fear, because you’re going to be that strong willed young woman who might burn the world down if she’s crossed. Hopefully, throughout the years I will teach you to be smart with your matches.

Throughout your life, you’re going to learn about love and loss. You will learn what grief is and what a burden it can be to most minds. You will learn so many things and I can’t to have a front row seat to that. I look forward to watching Disney movies with you, teaching you how to read, watching as you learn how to crawl and then walk, being absolutely terrified as I watch you learn how to ride a bike. These are just some of the firsts you will get to experience.

There are some bad firsts too. Such as, your first heartbreak, first death in the family, and the first time you fall and scrape your knee or arm. I will be there to wipe your tears, kiss your wounds, and be with you to soothe whatever may be ailing you if I can. There is nothing I would not do for you.

I would move heaven and earth to keep you safe. You are so loved by so many and I honestly feel so happy to have you. Having you is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. You’re literal perfection to me. I’m not someone who believes in perfection, but one look at you and I just can’t help but wonder, how did someone as flawed as me create something as perfect as you? I have a hard time remembering what my life was like before and I don’t much care too honestly.

I was a push over, a people pleaser. I was always willing to let other people take advantage of me and thanks to you, I have finally learned how to stand my ground and have even learned how to say no with confidence. I have you to thank for that. I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t getting ready to become a mother. You make me a better version of myself.

With all my love,

Mommy