To Be An Ally is to Love

Love

It’s such a simple word. Love. We all want it. We all give it.

But do we all give it unconditionally? It sounds pretty altruistic when we say we do. But what does it really mean in our everyday life? Unconditional. Without condition. When we throw that adjective out there, we are setting the bar pretty high. Way, way, up there. So why do we make such a point to talk about unconditional love?

My guess is we like looking like wonderful people, whether we really are or not.

How about you? How many people actually love another human being UNCONDITIONALLY? I know I feel like I fail this bar every day. But maybe what we really need is a different perspective of what love is- and how unconditional love doesn’t just belong to the uber calm and holy ones.

Love- I’ve always really loved the Biblical definition of this word. You’ve heard it at a wedding if nothing else.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. New International Version

Whew. That’s a lot. Ready to pull it apart? I’m no Bible scholar, but we can look at the adjectives' English translation and learn plenty. Grab your coffee cup, and let's go.

Patient

Kind

No Envy

No Boasting

No Pride

No Dishonor

No Self-Seeking

Not Easily Angered

No record of wrongs

Not delight in evil

Rejoice with truth

Protect

Trust

Hope

Persevere

It Never Fails.

Whew. OK, when you put it that way, it’s easy to see why it is so hard to live up to that kind of perfection, right? I mean, really? Sixteen Dos and Don’ts. Seems like it should be a pretty clear concept with all that explanation. Let’s see if we can combine similar ideas to give ourselves a break.

We all should be able to love whoever we want. But what I really want you to stop and think about is this. Right now, today, right after you hear the news that your son or your daughter is gay or lesbian or any other type of sexuality but yours? Right when all of your feelings are jumbled up like a dryer full of pantyhose, and you feel like you’re about to faint. Do you honestly love your person any less than you did an hour ago? Your son, your daughter, your parent, your friend? Have your deep-down gut feelings of love shifted? Has their personality or character changed in any way? (hint: the answer is no)

You’ve just hit on the biggest reason of all that you absolutely CAN become an ally. It doesn’t need to be about religion or politics or any social construct. It can absolutely come down to one simple thing. All you really need to do is continue to love someone who you have always loved. Easy-peasy, right?

Love. We all want it. We all need it. Can we give it- even when someone steps outside the box we have put them?

Being an ally doesn't have to cause conflict in your heart. After all, love really is love, no matter who.

So let’s look back at our biblical definition of love. Those sixteen do’s and don’ts we saw up there ^. That kind of love is unconditional. It’s all about the other person, and it’s not about me. It’s all about kindness, and it’s not about fear. It’s about giving more than we get. It’s about understanding, even when we don’t. It’s about choosing to love someone in the deepest possible way- for their best good.

Wait. Look at that last sentence, the third word. Choosing. Well, there you go, you’ve been choosing who YOU love all along.

To start this series on being the advocate your loved one needs, go to this story