These words are particularly harmful to their children. 99% of parents are saying them.

Parents' Hall

.

Integrate China and the West, gather elite parents at home and abroad, and broaden the vision of international education.

Recently, Shanghai, global static management, everyone in accordance with isolation control measures, do not leave the house.

In the past, I was able to do a good job of protection and take my child for a walk in a place with few people. now, I can only stay in a small home with my child, staring at each other day and night.

The picture of "mother's kindness and filial piety" gradually disappears, "chicken flying and dog jumping" is staged all day, and the parent-child relationship is facing a "great challenge".

Last night, when I was helping Yibao with her homework, there was a sudden roar from the building next door:

"can't you do such simple questions? how long have you been doing these questions? have you been learning them for dogs in class every day?

I think dogs are smarter than you, why doesn't that head move?

I'm not bored enough these days, right? save your mind, okay? "

After hearing this, Yi Bao said to me:

"Mom, the brother or sister opposite must be very sad, he must also want to get the question right, just like me, sometimes I can't do it, and I'm very sad, and my aunt scolds TA like that."

In fact, this is not the first time I have heard such words. After hearing this, I am also very worried that the child will become inferior and give up in the long run, and really feel useless.

For children of Yibao's age and below, because of mental retardation, they will take their parents' words seriously.

Sometimes an inadvertent sentence may hurt the child the most.

Parents should never say the following words to their children again.

"No XXX" (starts with a negative tone)

"watching TV hurts your eyes, no!"

"eating candy will make your teeth go bad, no!"

"it's dangerous. You can't play with it!"

"it's too dirty to touch."

……

Do people often say such things to their children?

For many parents, saying "no" is actually to protect their children and hope that their children can grow up better.

But the results show that:

Toddlers hear'no'or similar negative words every 9 minutes on average.

It is calculated that parents can say negative words to their children about 106 times a day.

Does this figure sound a little weird?

But parents think carefully about whether this is really the case.

When children throw toys all over the floor, the first thing we usually say is, "you can't do this. Go and pack up."

When children fill the table with food, we all say, "you can't do this. Have a good meal."

When the child jumps up and down, we will also say, "you can't do this, you'll fall."

Every "no" that blurts out means no to the child:

"No, no, no", whether or not to determine his behavior.

"Don't cry, don't behave, don't make trouble", whether or not to set his mood.

For a child, encouraging, affirming and being allowed is the source of TA's strength to try.

When we send a message to our children, we try to use positive words to describe what we want our children to do, rather than directly stop TA's behavior. For example, when a child doesn't tidy up his toys, don't say, "you can't do this!" You only know how to play, but you don't know how to clean up! " Instead, replace it with "Baby, Mom wants you to put all your toys in the box."

If you want to start with "no", be sure to add a reason so that the child can better accept it. For example: "you can't put chopsticks in your mouth to play, because if you are not careful, chopsticks will be stuck in your throat, which is very dangerous."

"XXX again.

Just destroy what you love most. "

Sometimes, parents are so angry that they "threaten" their children with things they cherish, or "vent their anger".

There was a video on Weibo in which a boy watched his model broken to pieces and burst into tears.

The cabinets full of models are all treasures of the boy, all made by himself, from styling to the final painting, paying a lot of time, energy and enthusiasm.

But just because he had a quarrel with his father who was drinking, his father was angry, picked up a model and smashed it on the ground.

The boy couldn't help talking back to his father. As a result, the father smashed all the models.

Not only that, the next day, the father said to the boy:

"if you talk back later, you'll destroy everything you love!"

Destroying what the child loves face to face will not play a role in education except to hurt the child and destroy the parent-child relationship.

Even if some parents only make verbal threats and do not do it, it will create a gap between their children and their parents.

Psychologist Willie James once said:

"the deepest nature of human nature is the desire to be valued by others."

Parents are the most important people in the heart of their children, and their recognition and attention is the deepest desire of their children.

Parents should pay attention to their children's feelings. What TA really loves needs parents to help TA protect it, not as a bargaining chip to threaten their children.

On the variety show "think of something!" In Dad, Lee Seung-hyun is called "Immortal Father" for one thing.

Daughter lucky lost a makeup egg, and the makeup egg was already very shabby, but when father Lee Seung-hyun found out, he didn't take it seriously, but made a lot of effort to help his daughter find it.

Because he knows that lucky must have this makeup egg when he sleeps.

He cares about his child's feelings, so he is willing to cherish everything the child likes, which is what the child craves most.

When children's ideas run counter to their parents, we should first be calm, and secondly, we should solve the problem equally, instead of threatening to export it, and begin to "destroy" it when we are angry.

Doing so will only lead to hatred in the child's heart, not respect and love.

"you XXX again.

Mom / Dad doesn't love you anymore. "

The sentence "I don't love you" will really bring a great blow to the child.

As soon as this sentence is spoken, it is a "threat" to the child. In order to continue to "get the love of his parents", the child will suppress himself, but for the child, this is definitely not a good thing.

This sentence is like an indefinite time bomb, which will be recalled in the child's mind all the time, undermining the child's trust in his parents.

They will feel that their parents' love for them is conditional, for example, they are only obedient and have good grades. Parents will love themselves, and once they make mistakes or make parents unhappy, they may be "abandoned" at any time.

What children need is unconditional love from their parents.

"I treat you from the bottom of my heart. I don't ask for anything in return. I love you under any circumstances."

In the documentary "I am not a bad boy" produced by CCTV, there is such a protagonist named Qunxiao.

He is born with dyslexia, their reading ability and understanding level is relatively low, although he studies very hard, but he is not yet able to combat the congenital "defects", in learning, slowly lagging behind children of the same age. As a result, it was ridiculed by the students and not understood by the teacher.

On the way back, Qunxiao kept saying to his mother that no matter what he did, he could not compare with his deskmate, his mother said:

"you know, Mom and Dad love you very much, not because you work hard, we love you, and we don't love you because you are stronger or less strong than others. This love has any difference."

Yes, Mom and Dad love you unconditionally, not because you learn well to love you, nor because you are obedient to love you, even if you have unsatisfactory small shortcomings and ailments, but these do not affect your parents to love you!

Stop saying "Mom and Dad don't love you". Only by giving the child a firm sense of security will the child respect himself and cherish himself more.

Write at the end: