The unwrapped gift

Merry Christmas! I have heard those words so many times today. I can’t explain how many and how many times it felt like a dagger went straight to my chest. It’s not that I hate the holiday because I don’t. I enjoy the Christmas trees, the gifts the decorations and the music, especially the smiles of my children and what its about. But as a father who is struggling this is very painful. Let me elaborate.

Recently my wife, four children and I had to move due to unforeseen circumstances called COVID-19. I was unemployed due to unfortunate health Issues and the lack of resources for not working for approximately four to five months. I finally found a new place of employment and I am doing pretty good. Still not the pay I would like, but we have a new roof over our heads. Now back to why this holiday was painful. We just moved last Friday the 18th. On November 2nd we received a letter of non renewal of our lease to leave by December the 15th. 45 days. Too obvious of this we had to save money to move. This was very challenging to do with being backed up on bills due to COVID-19 no food, no car, and health etc.... So I only had saved enough money for the down payment for the new location, which I am grateful for but, this is the big but.

My kids didn’t have gifts to open up for Christmas from their Mom and Dad. They did have from their Aunts and Uncle, which we are so grateful and blessed that they love our kids. They always send gifts, truly amazing people. The Dagger to the chest part? Well, every single time my kids would open a gift, I wish the present would say, Mom and Dad. Not giving my children gifts this year is so brutal to me. I am sure there are other parents who felt the same way. My tears go out to you! As I sit here and write this. I wonder how many parents feel the same way. How many have cried in their shower while nobody is watching or holding their pillow tight wishing they could do better. Praying that something could change. I know that’s how I felt. Not getting my kids gift on a special day like Christmas or should I say not being able to get the kids gifts is something that I will never forget. My oldest says she understands, but does she really, should a 8 year old really understand I don’t think so. I was thinking all day, What could I have done for them to have gifts on this special day from their parents. Don’t get me started on not being able to give the most precious wife anything neither. I hope and pray that next Christmas will be better and one for the ages.

Overall, explaining this to my kids, they were not bothered or upset. If anything they were happy because they have a new home and are enjoying every bit of it. This alone gave me a sense of peace. Knowing that although I couldn’t get them a toy gift, the best gift I have given them was a roof over their heads. For that I am grateful.

Merry Christmas!