The Promise

Another day, another trip to the same old run-down convenience store for scratch-offs and hoping for a big win.

I sit in my car for a bit, and give myself the usual pep talk before going in. Again, I tell myself that today’s the day I finally win big, like I do every time. Just trying to get in the mindset of winning.

I visualize the same number: $25,000,000. Not really sure how I came up with that number, but I like it. With that much money, I’d never have to worry about how I’m going to afford to live ever again. That’s all I really want. Don’t we all?

I try to seem all confident and optimistic, but deep down I’m feeling discouraged. I almost don’t feel like doing this. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if everyone else is right. They always tell me I’m wasting my time on the lottery and that it’s never going to happen.

But the way I see it, it’s only guaranteed to never happen if I don’t try at all, so why not take the chance? I’ve wanted this so bad for so long. I’m not just going to give up.

I remember the list I made of things I want to do when I win the lottery. I think to myself: Remember all your big goals. Remember how bad you want to quit that job and go back to school. Remember how bad you want to live your dreams and better your life. Don’t give up on that.

Then I remember the thing that really keeps me going. I think about my grandfather, Pop, and how he used to play the lottery every week. Knowing that has always made me want to win even more, as if to finish what he started.

I wish he were still here. Pop was always that person who’d support you and cheer you on no matter what. I could really use that right now, even more than a lottery win.

But the best thing I can do is keep his memory alive, so I keep telling myself: Do it for Pop.

Right then, I feel a sudden rush of both optimism and stubbornness come on, and I decide to take advantage of it while I can. I kick that nagging doubt to the curb, and go in and buy my usual scratch-offs.

I’m in here buying scratch-offs so often that the guys who work here know me by name, and they know exactly which tickets I get every time. They always give me words of encouragement and wish me well, which is nice. It helps lift my spirits a little.

As I’m heading home, the confidence boost is already starting to fade, and I start to feel discouraged again. So I turn my thoughts back to my list, and all my goals and dreams. And along with that, the same thought crosses my mind: Do it for Pop.

A little while later, I get home, grab the same lucky coin I always use to scratch my tickets, and start scratching away.

I’ve prayed and visualized and screamed this out into the universe as loud and as often as I can. But the same mix of emotions still hangs over my head. Half optimistic that I’ll finally win, and half pessimistic that it’s never going to happen.

After about 15 minutes, I finish scratching and start scanning through all the numbers on the tickets, looking for any winners. I find a few little wins. $2 here, $3 there. Then I get to the last ticket, and scan through the numbers. At the bottom corner, I see I got a winning number, 4. I’m expecting it to be another $5 or something. But when I look at the prize amount, it says… $20,000??

No way… That has to be wrong. I’m thinking my eyes must be playing tricks on me. I check again. And again. And then a few more times, just to be sure.

I stare at this ticket for what feels like forever, in total disbelief of what I’m seeing. Eventually it starts to hit me. This is REAL.

Holy sh*t, I just won $20,000.

While it’s not $25,000,000, this is going to ease a lot of my money stress. For the first time in a while, I feel like I’m going to be okay. Wow, it feels good to think that.

After I manage to catch my breath, I pull out my little black notebook. I’ve been journaling in this notebook for a while now. It’s mostly just full of venting and random happenings, but on the first page is my list of things I want to do when I win the lottery. I put it there on purpose so I'd see it every day, hoping that if I think on it hard enough it’ll eventually happen.

It’s a short, simple list. I always said I didn’t want to be that lottery winner that buys a mansion and fancy cars and all that stuff. I always wanted to focus on bettering my life, investing in the important stuff like my education, my health, and my overall happiness.

- Pay off my student loans

- Go back to school

- Quit the 9-5 and be a full-time working artist

- Travel the world

- Live my best life

Then, at the bottom of the list, I see a little note I put down:

“Pop, this is for you.”

There it was again. That same little reminder that’s kept me going all this time.

I feel tears start to well up. God, I wish he were here. He’d be so proud of me. We’d be going nuts over this together and celebrating so hard. I’d give anything to be able to share this with him.

For a second, I forget about my list and take a second to just be grateful and remember what got me here. I turn to a blank page in my notebook, and I start writing.

“Today I won $20,000 on a scratch-off. I can’t believe it. It may not be the $25,000,000 I envisioned, but it’s no less incredible and I’m no less grateful. I was so close to giving up, but today my stubbornness finally paid off. I’ve promised myself for a long time that I would do this. But I didn’t just promise myself. More than anything, I promised you I’d make this happen. So Pop, this is for you. I love you.”

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