The Pretty Sister

Being the oldest of four children, I was ALWAYS made an example of, ALWAYS the first to be disciplined and of course, the first to seem like a disappointment to my parents. Don't get me wrong; I was a straight A student but I had a powerful urge for trouble. 'Sibling Rivalry' was more like a raging war in our house with the four of us in constant competition with one another. But there's ALWAYS the one that 'could do no wrong' and in my family it was my sister Marie.

Marie is the youngest of us girls, followed by our brother, and earned the nickname "Daddy's Favorite" from the rest of us. Her and I NEVER got along growing up. I envied the relationship she had with our father; How protective he was of her and how he ALWAYS sided with her, even if she was lying. She once got me grounded for two months because she lied to him and told him I hit her when I walked in the house after school (I still had my backpack on and everything). Marie would follow me around everywhere, annoyed me to NO end, and got me grounded every other week. At one point I honestly thought I hated her; It seemed as though I could never get my father's approval, but she somehow always had him wrapped around her finger. I just couldn't understand why he loved her more than me.

Was it because she had his blue eyes? I mean, she's the prettiest of all of us with her perfect red hair and milky, freckle painted skin. Was it her quaint little giggle she used whenever they played together?

By now you're thinking I still hate her. Truth is I NEVER DID; I couldn't. Jealousy over took my love for her, but it didn't make me love her any less. It just took me a little longer to realize it. Back then? I couldn't understand WHY she was always so protected... Now I do.

You see, Marie almost died as an infant. The soft spot in her skull closed early, causing a lot of medical issues and ALL of the doctors our parents took her to said she would NEVER live to see her first birthday. Mom and Dad had her baptized early, and spend the rest of that year praying for her life. I was only four at the time. I couldn't understand why I wasn't allowed near the baby, why my parents cried over her all the time, and why she couldn't come out of the crib to play. Well, as you know, she did live and became the biggest pain in my ass. Ratting me out when I would sneak out to meet my boyfriend, sneaking into my room and stealing my clothes. Typical sisterhood. But I had that tendency for trouble remember?

I developed a drug habit that was slowing killing me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was to the point my family almost had to lower me into the ground. Marie is the reason my heart still beats and my lungs still hold air. She saw what I was doing to myself. Visiting the house one day she had me come to her room, shut the door and smacked me harder than I'd ever been smacked. "Whatever you're doing, it's KILLING you! And I wont bury my sister!" I had seen her cry before, she used to fake it when she got me in trouble, but it was different this time. The pain I felt looking at her... the way she looked back at me... I was already a disappointment to my parents, but I just hurt someone who looked up to ME. Someone who thought I could do no wrong. I lied of course, told her I was sober. Even mustered up some anger for her smacking me. Once I got home, the druggie in me used the rest of my stash and took a picture of myself. The next morning, the sister in me looked at that picture... I haven't used since.

Seeing me fall off the rails like that... I don't know what it did to my siblings let alone what it COULD have done to me. I had failed; As a role model, as a daughter, as a sister... Vowing I would never let them see me like that again, I tried to not only regain their trust but to establish an actual relationship with Marie. Not allowing her to be apart of my life for so long, I missed out on learning who she really was as a person. Realizing this, I paid a little more attention into how we interacted. We had more in common then I ever knew. Our spirituality was mirrored, we had the same laugh, and she looked to me with admiration, more than I had ever noticed. Even with a role model as messed up as me, she had developed into an intelligent, motivated, beautiful individual. Maybe she had learned from MY mistakes; way before I ever did...

How could I have let her down like that? How could I have been so distant to my little sister? Why was I so cruel to her in those most impressionable years of her life? To this day, I don't blame my father, I don't even blame her... I blame myself. It was my own personality that couldn't realize my father ALWAYS loved me. It was my jealousy that blinded me into thinking he couldn't be shared.

After years of jealousy, envy and borderline hatred, I had finally become her sister; A title I'm still not certain I deserve. Marie has a certain aura and light about her. She's a beacon of truth and hope for those who have lost their way. She's strong and quick witted. She's compassionate and bright. She loves fiercely and devotedly, and I have never been more proud to share blood with someone as capable as her. She could aim for the moon and hit it dead center.

I watched her grow from a fragile, dying infant into such an empowered, enlightened soul. A soul so strong that she has inspired me to be a better person, an adoring sister, a faithful friend. Marie came into this this world a fighter and I have no doubt she will leave this world in that same fashion. I can only hope I have that same fight in me when it comes to my own judgement day. Marie NEVER gives up, NEVER gives in, and NEVER lets herself falter. She stands firm against tides and holds her own beliefs close to heart. Fighting for her own, she has become the most important ad most influential person of my life.

Years have passed now and the four of us live adult lives; some of us even have children of our own. In those years I have watched my siblings grow from heart-aching teens into parents, troubled into lively spirits, broken into whole; But most inspiring... from enemy to friend.