The loneliness of being a single parent

It seems that nowadays, all you can see are single parents making it look so easy. Like life is all sunshine and rainbows. That you just have to buy their course and they can teach you to work for an hour a day, and you get to have the picture perfect life. It's easy to see that, and to think that is what life should be like. To compare your life to theirs, and think that it should be the same. But real life is not sunshine and rainbows. It isn't perfect. And I break it to you, but it isn't easy at all.

When I found out I was pregnant, not being married, I made the decision to have my child even if I had to do it on my own. I told myself I wasn't totally alone, that I could do this and everything would work out. I don't for one second regret that decision. Even when my child's father, decided he wasn't prepared to make the same decision that I had. Having my daughter was the best thing I ever did, and I know that if I do nothing else with my life, then I did something right just by having her. That doesn't mean that it has been easy, as it hasn't at all.

I remember being dropped off after having my daughter, suddenly alone with this little child, with no idea what to do. The truth is that was the most alone I had ever felt. I didn't know what I was doing. I suddenly had to figure out everything on my own, with no one to count on. I knew that I made the right decision, but that didn't make it any easier.

As she has gotten older, I know that my life is totally different now than it used to be there have been some very good moments, but also some tough moments. When you have to make hard decisions, it is hard when you are doing in on your own.

Life is not the image that you see on Instagram or TikTok. A picture is only a picture. I have tried really hard to always put out a happy and perfect look on our life. Not because I care what people think, but because I know how much I am judged by being a single parent. So I keep my dark, lonely thoughts to myself, and make people think that we truly have a happy and perfect life. Like nothing is ever wrong. I can see now that I do that with everyone. I do it to protect myself and my daughter, from the judgement that I know we already get. So I can honestly say that if you were to look on my social media you would think that everything is perfect. They are just pictures, and my life is far from perfect.

The honest truth, is that it is a lonely life. When it is late at night, and you are alone, it is very easy to get very lonely. Sometimes you just want a spouse with you, to talk to, to spend time with. My family wants to help, and in many ways they do help. It is a fine line between taking some help from family, and still making it clear that you are the parent. I find that some of my family members overstep sometimes, by trying to tell me what to do. I know that they are just trying to help, and don't mean anything by it. I also know that they won't do it as much if I wasn't a single parent. I feel like they do it because I am doing it alone, so they feel like they have a larger say in what I should do to raise my child. At times, I feel like I have to make it very clear that it is my child and I will do what I want. That situation also makes it so that when things do come up, I feel like I can't go to them. By asking them any questions, I know I am opening the door to their opinion. It's also like saying that you can't do this on your own, so they can do what they want as well. That might sound crazy, but anyone who is a single parent will understand. It means that I usually keep everything inside, figuring it out on my own. It can be a very lonely place to be in.

I know that I am doing the right thing for my daughter. Do I also wish I had her father here to help me? Of course, but I know that I can do it alone. So no matter what happens, know that you are not alone. No matter how many lonely moments that you have, focus on the positive side. Being a single parent is hard, very hard, and very lonely. If you spend a few moments crying to yourself, that doesn't mean that you are a failure. Just by being there every day for your children, you are doing a great job. I want to be able to say that it gets easier. And I wish that it does. There are days that I feel like it does, but there are other days when I am not at all sure. I know I will make the right decision for my child, always. But that doesn't make it any easier. Even when you feel like you are totally alone, know that you are alone. There are so many other single mothers out there, going through the exact same thing as you at the exact same time. Know that everything will be okay.

-T