The Light of Tanjiro

My father passed away twenty-three years ago. Within those twenty-three years, men have come and gone in my life but I have never looked upon any of them as father figures. Not until a mere seven months ago did I meet someone who could stand in the light of who my own father was.

I met Tanjiro through a mutual friend under horrid circumstances. Coming home from work, he should have opened his door to his children and their mother. Instead, the house was empty. He had been informed that his girlfriend, the mother of his child, took his six month old son and her daughter and flew across the country to start a new life without him.

Brokenhearted and in a panic, Tanjiro pleaded with his son's mother to bring him back, but to no avail. She refused him time and time again. At his wits end, he tried to get the police involved. Unfortunately for him, his state laws grant a child's mother more parental rights then that of the father at birth and beyond. As long as the child is with their mother, she is free to leave and take him wherever she pleases.

I speak of Tanjiro's turmoil but if you were in his presence at the time, you would not know of the agony clinging to his spirit. He is an elementary school teacher. Even though his son's absence pressed on his mind, he looked into the eyes of the little faces in his classroom and made sure he was a positive and motivating figure that they could trust and learn something from. This also applied to the adults in his life. He would put on a smile to brighten someone else's day. He would sit and talk with you for however long you needed about whatever was ailing you in your life. He would place all of his fears, anguish, and rage in a box, bind it with chains, and throw a veil over it so as to not relive the abduction of his son through the pity in the eyes of those who learned the truth. Instead, he would wait until the day was over to return to his empty home and unleash all of his pain in the darkness and solitude of his room. He did this repeatedly until he couldn't take the solitude anymore. His thoughts growing dark and dangerous, he took refuge in those closest to him, including myself. I had never witnessed a man in such agonizing grief up until that point. Seeing this person who exuded so much strength and steadiness cry fast fat tears and choke on breath that he could not catch...it broke my heart.

Months bled by and Tanjiro was still without his son. The last visual he had of his son was the hours before he was taken from him. Everyday, he realized that it was likely his baby boy was reaching new milestones. He wondered what they could be. Was he crawling? Did he get his first little tooth? He hasn't seen me in so long. Will he remember me? Throughout this ordeal, he realized how precious and fleeting time was. Every moment he missed without his son, he would not get back. With that knowledge, he made it a point to do what he needed to do to get his son back.

He decided to get the courts involved. He hired an attorney on retainer and began to build his case. He spent every bit of spare time he had of putting together evidence. He spent thousands of dollars to be prepared for mediation. After months of fighting for his son and deliberation with the mother, a compromise was made. Tanjiro's son would be returning to him.

The settled upon agreement was month to month custody sharing between the two parents. It was unjust, being that his son was taken from him and irreversible damage had been done. Had he been the parent who had abducted their son, he'd be in jail. Be that as it may, he was still getting his son back.

Their reunion was a beautiful thing to see. His son, indeed, remembered his father. He would cling to Tanjiro's pant leg with balled fists and follow him, crawling with adorable haste. His naps would be taken across Tanjiro's chest. Their home would echo with exclamations of joy and the sound of baby giggles. That gaping wound in Tanjiro's heart was finally healing up.

This process was not at all easy. His son is now thirteen months old. Tanjiro and the mother have already returned to court a second time. Custody is still being shared between the two but Tanjiro realizes that nothing is ever set in stone. He remains diligent in being the father is son knows him to be. He has gone to hell and back and will continue to do so if it means keeping his son in his life.

I am forever changed and inspired by this strong, driven, resilient man. He is a prime example, in my eyes, of what a father should be. I am aware that there are others in his same position who fight just as hard. It's unfortunate because it's wholly unbalanced with favoritism being on the side of the mothers.

There may still be a battle ahead for Tanjiro. I hope that he and his son's mother can continue to co-parent without issue but if not, he will be ready. He will not let his son be taken from him again.