The Infamous Nap

The grown up woman sat at her birth mother's dining room table with her birth mother and her mother's neighbor. She had not come here to see her mother. She came to see her little brother and her step father. Seeing her mother was the price she paid to see them. They were out in the back yard playing with her two small children and her husband was loading up the van so they could head for home.

She did not want to be at that table, at every visit she reached a point where she had just had enough time with her mother and this time she was way past that point, but she did not want to be rude to the nice neighbor lady, so she sat there with a glass of iced tea in her collectors glass from McDonalds that her step dad had bought for her when she lived with them. She was barely paying attention to the conversation. The two older women had gotten on the topic of their kids being picky eaters when they were little. The grown up woman knew where this was going and she was already angry. Her mother did this all the time, the truth was that any normal mother daughter relationship they had ever had ended when she was 5. That is when her mother left. And during the 5 years until she was 10 and moved back to her Dad's house for good she had mostly ignored her mother and avoided her. But her mother would talk like everything had been normal and she hadn't completely ruined her childhood.

Suddenly her mother was talking to her. "You were my most picky eater, remember how I had to get you to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after your nap because you would never eat dinner.?" The grown up woman had no idea what she was talking about so she simply said "No."

"Oh come on you remember. Every day when you got up from your nap you wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I had to give it to you because you almost never ate what I made for dinner."

Most of the time the grown up woman would have just played along or ignored it because there was no point, her mother had never admitted to doing anything wrong, had never apologized and she knew nothing she said was going to change any of that. But she had really had enough of her mother on this trip, and she just could not sit there and let her mother make this woman get the idea that she had been a good mother and they had a normal relationship. And she would be damned if she would go along with this particular lie. So she took a deep breath and said "The only nap I really remember taking is the one when I woke up and you were gone,"

That had just about the effect she expected. Her mother said it never happened, she said she never left her children alone, she said her father must have been the one to have done that after she had left. The grown up woman did not argue with her mother. She excused herself from the conversation and went to help her husband get things loaded and the kids into the van.

She fumed on the way home and for several days after. But she started to doubt herself. She was really young, was it possible that she had gotten it wrong? It seemed possible. So she did what she always did when she wasn't sure, she called her brother. He was the next one up from her and he was 5 years older than her so he usually had a fairly clear memory about things she was fuzzy on. She asked him if it had really happened the way she remembered it. He said " Yes that happened just the way you remember it, Do you remember our sister trying to run mom over with the car?" The grown up woman thought about it and said she did remember that. Her brother simply said "Same day"...

The very small girl woke up from her nap in her mother’s bed. Her mother was not in the bed. She had been when the girl fell asleep, she had been reading one of her books. The girl figured that her mother was probably in the living room, sometimes she got up and watched her soap operas. She got up and went into the living room to ask her mom if she could have a sandwich. Her mother was not in the living room.

The very small girl figured that her mother must be in the bathroom. She went to the bathroom to ask if she could have a sandwich. Her mother was not in the bathroom.

The very small girl was starting to get just a little scared. Their house was a trailer house, so it did not take too long to check all the rooms. Her mother was not in the trailer house.

The very small girl looked out the window, it was snowing. She figured that her mother must be outside at the woodpile getting wood for the stove. It was really cold outside too surely that must be it, she was getting wood. The very small girl put on her boots and her coat and went out the door into the snow and cold. Her mother was not by the woodpile.

It occurred to the very small girl that if her mother was gone the truck would be gone. Just to make herself feel better she walked out to the driveway to see that the truck was still there and that her mother was here. The truck was not in the driveway.

By now the very small girl had forgotten all about the sandwich. She went back in the house. It was three and a half miles to town, and even farther than that to anyone's house that she knew could help her. She did not really know how to use the phone. She knew that you had to know peoples phone numbers to call them and she did not know any telephone numbers. It would be hours before her siblings got home from school, and even longer before her dad got home from work.

She did not want to be scared, she wanted to be brave. She checked the fire and it needed wood. She got wood and put it in the stove. She knew that it was important to keep the fire going so that it would not get cold inside the trailer house. She thought that probably her mom would be back by the time she got the wood in the fire. When she was done, her mother was not back.

The very small girl sat down and looked out the window. It was snowing harder all the time. They did get snowed in sometimes. This winter they had already had a big storm where they could not get out for several days. She was beginning to think about the possibility that no one would be able to get home and she would be snowed in all by herself. That thought made her more than just a little scared. She started to cry. She kept on crying.

She did not know how long she sat there crying. It seemed like a very long time. Then she heard the truck. She put her boots on and her coat and once she saw from the window that it was really her mother she ran out to meet her.

Her mother was not alone in the truck. She had three people that the very little girl did not know with her. Her mother came in and showed the people into the house. Her mother did not pick her up, she did not comfort her. She told her that these people had gotten stuck in the snow and called for help. Now she was going back to get the rest of the family. The little girl started crying again and begged her mother to let her go with her. But her mother just walked out the door and left her with the strangers.

The strangers did try to make the little girl feel better, but she was too upset. She did stop crying just because she did not want to cry in front of strangers. Eventually her mother got back and their ride came to pick up the strangers. The very little girl did not talk to her mother. She went into her bedroom to wait for her sister to get home from school. It was still snowing and she was just a little bit worried that her siblings would not be able to get home from school. They would be fine, they had an understanding with their neighbors, two and a half miles away that owned the sawmill where her dad sold logs that if they ever could not get home they could stay there and be safe. What the very little girl was worried about was that she would be snowed in with just her mother. She was very unhappy with her mother and did not want to be with her.

When her sister got home she came into their room and as soon as the very little girl saw her big sister she started to cry. Her sister hugged her and listened to what was wrong. Then her sister was very angry with their mother. She told the very little girl to put on her coat and boots and took her hand and they walked together into the living room. Their brothers were still taking off their coats and putting their books down. Her sister told them to get their coats back on and go to the car, they were not staying here with their mother. They would go to town and come back after their dad was home from work. Their brothers walked right out the door. Her sister handed her off to her oldest brother and he took her hand and headed for the car. When their sister said something no one argued with her. They just did it.

Their mother did not think this was a very good idea at all. Suddenly she was worried about the storm. The very little girl’s mother and her sister were yelling at each other again, they always seemed to be yelling these days. The very little girl felt guilty because she knew that it was her fault that her sister was angry. Their mother followed them outside without her coat on. As her sister started to drive away in the car her mother tried to get in front of it to stop them from driving away. She must have thought that surely her daughter would stop before she ran her over. But her oldest child did not even pause and their mother jumped out of the way just before she got hit by the car.

The town was small and there wasn't much to do but they stayed in town until they knew their dad would be home from work. The very little girl felt so much better to be with her siblings. They made her feel better and they made her feel safe. She knew that even if the storm got bad they would be together and they would be ok.