The headmaster of the Middle School affiliated to Renmin University of China said a few words about education: primary school focuses on companionship, junior high school on respect, and senior high school on letting go.

Zhou Jianhua, president of the Space City School of the Middle School affiliated to Renmin University of China, once said:

"Primary school focuses on companionship, junior high school on respect, high school on letting go, college and later on appreciation, and parents should devote less energy to it in the future."

It means that we should spend more time with our children when they are young, and when they grow up, we should learn to let go.

However, when it comes to educating children, it is always easy to put the cart before the horse:

Children don't think about it when they are young, and when they grow up, they begin to devote a lot of energy to them.

This kind of education, the result is not only parent-child relationship conflicts, but also affect the child's life.

The primary school focuses on companionship.

It has been mentioned in child developmental psychology that primary school is an important period for children's individual development.

This stage is the time to lay the foundation for all aspects of children, and the education and learning of this period play a very important role in the future development of children.

Because children at this stage are the most malleable.

The problems exposed by many children in junior high school and later life are often due to educational problems in this period.

In the variety show "Open Heart Boys", I was particularly impressed by the story of a girl.

Her name is Xin Yan. When she was just one year old, her parents gave her to her aunt to take her because she went out to do business.

At that time, her parents felt that making money was the top priority.

When Xin Yan is older and can go to a managed kindergarten, her mother will send her to kindergarten.

At that time, Xiao Xinyan didn't want to leave her mother and didn't want to be separated from her mother, so she cried and didn't want to go.

So her mother coaxed her into teaching her mother how to play with toys.

Little Xinyan didn't know her mother lied to her, so she excitedly went to play with toys and was ready to teach her mother.

Unexpectedly, as soon as I turned around, my mother's figure had disappeared.

It was not until Xinyan was 9 years old that her parents picked her up.

In order to compensate Xin Yan, parents can spend money on an RV, just to go to the school gate to cook a meal for their daughter and buy her high-priced tickets to the comic book exhibition.

But at the same time keep asking Xinyan to study hard and regard these "compensation" as a kind of reward.

This makes Xinyan less and less sense of security, more and more self-abased.

Her cowardice in character shrouded her in a haze.

Later, she was unwilling to accept her parents' discipline, and her parents' compensation could not make up for the lack of sense of security in her heart.

Psychologist teacher Wu Zhihong said:

"the early companionship and love of parents determine the background of their children's life."

A child is apt to grow crooked if he is not accompanied by his parents and does not get the correct education and guidance during the most important period of personality development in life.

One step is wrong, one step is wrong.

No one can match children's desire for parental companionship and education.

Respect is the key point in junior high school.

Children in junior high school are in the transitional stage from childhood to adolescence, and they are also entering puberty that gives their parents a headache.

At this time, the psychology will gradually change from relying on parents to the pursuit of independence.

Instead of listening to their parents' opinions in everything as they did in primary school, they hope that their parents will treat him as an "adult", talk to them on an equal footing and respect their ideas.

Professor Li Meijin once said:

"in the face of adolescence, the most important thing is to respect."

In the program "just praise", Deng Yaping talked about the problems she encountered in educating her children.

His son Lin Hanming, like many children, likes playing games very much.

He also told Deng Yaping that he wanted to be a professional e-sports player.

After listening to the child's idea, Deng Yaping did not object.

She said to her son:

"if you are really interested in this, you can go to e-sports. E-sports can win the world champion, that is also the world champion. "

To this end, she also painstakingly found the top domestic e-sports club, took the children to visit, to personally experience the daily life of e-sports players.

After his son learned that e-sports players had to train for 12 hours a day, he automatically gave up the idea of becoming an e-sports player.

Deng Yaping said:

"when a child can't clearly recognize himself, can't completely control himself, and doesn't know what is more helpful to him, I think adults must help him make some choices at this time."

Children in junior high school are often on the rampage.

They have a lot of wild, unrealistic ideas and higher self-esteem than at any other stage of their lives.

This will make children have a lot of blind, desperate ideas.

Parents are the ones who educate their children and show them the way to the world.

As parents, what we need to do is not to subdue our children with brute force, but to give them reasonable advice and guide them to make the right choice.

Only by respecting children can we educate them better.

The most important thing in high school is to let go

Psychologist Hollingworth mentions a word called "psychological weaning period" in Youth Psychology.

It refers to the age stage from puberty to early adolescence, and it is the turning point for children from childishness to maturity.

And high school children are precisely in this critical period.

With the rapid development of the body, the obvious enhancement of self-awareness, and the development of the ability to think and deal with affairs independently, high school children gradually try to get rid of adult supervision.

This is a process for them to judge and solve problems by themselves and become independent people.

So the most important key word of high school education is: let go.

But it was in high school that parents almost used all their energy to stare at their children.

The neighbor's son just went to high school last year.

When I first started high school, my son's grades were pretty good.

In order to keep an eye on her child's study, the mother quit her job and stayed at home every day to take care of his diet and daily life.

As long as he releases a trace of the idea that he wants to relax, his mother will constantly urge him in his ear and tell him to study hard.

In order to keep her son from being distracted from his studies, the mother helps her child do this and that every day, preparing everything for her child, but almost helping her son take a bath, sleep and take exams.

Parents always say:

"all you have to do is to study hard, and you don't have to worry about other things. When you are admitted to XX University, it will be fine. "

His parents always think of him in a good name, which makes him powerless to resist.

When it came to the division of liberal arts and science, he preferred liberal arts and wanted to study Chinese language and literature in the future.

But Mom and Dad have always said that science students will be popular and earn more money in the future.

"after all these years of social work, it's always right to listen to our parents!"

Gradually, the son became more and more rebellious. He not only did not study, but also secretly went to Internet cafes to play games all night.

Psychologist and philosopher Fromm once said:

"the opposite of education is manipulation.

It is out of a lack of confidence in the growth of children's potential, believing that children will develop normally only if adults teach them what to do and what not to do.

However, such manipulation is wrong. "

In high school