The Great Awakening!!!!

12/20/20 was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing lightly, just enough to feel the chill but not to feel freezing. If you are from Chicago or have been in Chicago in December then you know we appreciate days that are not freezing or snowy.

Since the New Moon on the 14th I have had extremely high positive vibrations. I was intentionally keeping myself calm and using breathing techniques whenever I felt overwhelmed. Even though I meditate daily and listen to meditation music throughout the entire night I know that I still will have challenging moments.

I have been working as a Grubhub and Doordash driver to make ends meet and for me to have spending money. While I was out delivering for Grubhub 12/19 the young lady didn’t have the address in correctly.

It was my last ride and I was really ready to go home. As I talked to her and tried to figure out exactly where she was I began to emit frustration but I did not verbalize it. The boys were in the car asking me also about money.

I pulled over to check my account.$102 was gone from a bill that I totally forgot about and it was automatically withdrawn from my account. As I began to get irritated, I drove off and I heard my tire roll over something that sounded as if it popped.

I exclaimed, dang I think that’s my tire. I began to feel and hear the lump in my tire. I continued to look for the address and felt a bit sad. I saw a man outside and I asked him if he could help my sons put on the spare. He told me that it was a tire shop three to five minutes away. I then continued to look for the address. I felt my irritation rising. I remained somewhat calm and then a thought hit my mind.

This is a test to see if I am really zen. Will I practice what I say to others as well as breathe to remain calm? My son claims that I shouldn’t have been upset anyway. I just felt that I was out trying to make money, yet $102 is now gone from my account, I can't find the address, my tire popped, I have one last callout from Triple A, and Discount Tires was not close by. I felt like a negative force was trying to pull me into despair.

When I got to the tire shop I sat in my car and began clapping, cheering, laughing and saying yes. My son asked me what I was doing. I replied, what I need to do. I did not tell my son that I was quantum leaping out of my situation since they hardly believe in my new spiritual self.

Of course, I did feel better and I was only out of $10 to have the serviceman put on my spare.What I am learning is really working for my sanity. NO I WILL NEVER CHANGE A TIRE.

I passed the test and it went away like it never happened. I totally forgot about that experience. I had promised myself that I would affirm myself each day and read my goals each day until the 21st for the Great Conjunction. I also wanted to feel my father’s presence because 45 years ago he was still alive in December. That’s where part of my joy came from this week. My father had not been killed yet.

Today, I instantly felt awesome when I went outside. I smiled all through the day. I told my sons my dad was alive 45 years ago today. They were looking at me like I was nuts but one said, I’m glad that makes you happy.

I really felt ecstatic about him being alive all day. I still wonder what exactly he was doing the last week that he walked this planet. People are wondering why am I concerned with him all of a sudden.

My father was killed 25 days before I was born and I have never had questions about him or about how he died.

However, one day I awakened from a nap with questions in my heart and mind about him. All of my life I only knew that he named me Mecca.

Before his death he practiced with the people that bow down and worship in Mecca and no not the NOI he claimed to be sunni at that time.

Now that I reflect about his death, I feel that I have always carried the pain with me yet blocked it out. I remember standing in school singing, “land where my father died, land where the pilgrims cried” and I asked myself how did my father die? I had to be in 3rd or 4th grade at the time.

However, because I always masked and go into protection mode, I instantly felt proud that my father was part of the morning songs that we did at school.

I can also remember being 8 or 9 and asleep in my new bedroom that my mom had provided for me. I heard a males voice call my name. I had never heard the voice before. I went under my covers and once my fear subsided I ran out of my room and slept in my brother’s bed. I later believed that it was my dad calling my name.

As I reflect further, I see myself finding out how he was killed as a teenager and literally saying, “Good because I did not want to live like that and my grandfather’s family does not worship the same way he did so it was good that he was killed.” I know that is nuts how the EGO made me believe that protecting my mind and my heart was the only way to live.

The discoveries about my father led me down a crazy path that I will discuss in another story. In turn, I continued to be a woman that blocked pain, hurt, and feelings. I had the mindset to dump a man with the quickness if he didn’t fit the description of my needs.

Then one day I heard the voice again, it said, I named you Mecca and that’s a powerful name. I literally cried and knew that I would make my father proud. With the name Mecca,I have to leave a positive legacy.

Even though tomorrow is The Great Conjunction and I know that I should be extremely happy and soak up all the atmosphere that I can, I do not want tomorrow to come because now I know that 45 years ago my father will be killed sometime today.

I know I have lived my life without him, but this pain from the womb has laid dormant inside of me and now as I cry I can feel it release. I know that my father wants me to do him a few favors. I will carry out his request.

I just found his grave at the cemetery. He does not have a headstone and even though I do not care about things like that I feel the need to get him one.

I will be cooking his favorite foods on the 21st in honor of the beginning of my true healing and the nourishment of my body will promote the powerful momentum I will need to complete the healing process.

If you have been reading my stories as of late you should know that I have always wanted to be 45 and I never knew the symbolism. My father was born in 1945.

Growing up I have always loved numbers. I have always paid close attention to birthdays and anniversaries. I know that I do not want to avenge his death. I am finally at peace about my father.

I am thankful to Momma B for holding on to the obituary and the newspaper article that announced my father’s death. Tomorrow starts a newer day for me. Let the healing and power begin!!!

I actually was editing this and had a revelation. My father was not laid out properly because he was not a witness at that time and since his mother was (my grandmother) that’s another story. She did not honor his Sunni lifestyle. I will father!!!! If it’s no one be me I will lay your soul to rest the correct way...