Get Out Now!!!

Sometimes we really hide from our gifts due to emotional and physical trauma. I want to start by saying that I realize that I have had trauma from the womb. No my mom was not battered but my father died a month before I was born. I can only imagine the pain that she felt the rest of her pregnancy. Lately, I have been in search of answers regarding my father that I do not have the questions for. I do not know exactly what I want to ask. However, I said weeks ago I would dedicate this October 2020 to writing about my on and off 6 years experience of mental and physical abuse. Well, what does that have to do with my father you ask, trauma in the womb, and domestic violence. I really and truly do not know. I am sure there is a connection.

I opened my computer to honor the ladies like myself that released themselves from domestic violence. I am writing this as the thoughts are coming to my head. I am also hoping that any woman or man that is suffering currently from domestic violence would be strong and brave enough to free themselves. I also pay homage to breast cancer patients, survivors, and those that freed themselves of physical pain in the fight and now are just with us as energy. October is a spectacular month.

As a young child, I had very loving uncles, male cousins and a super grandfather. I was never really reprimanded by them and definitely not hit. I was really the only girl around because my girl cousins lived out of town. I was everybody’s daughter-niece. On my mother’s side. I felt very protected by the men in my family. I saw them love their wives and my mom. I can remember that my mom did not drive so my uncles always took us everywhere and my grandddaddy took us to church.

Discussing my background must be necessary and is definitely part of my healing. I can remember that I was literally never hit. Guess what, brothers and cousins, when Uncle Marvin spanked all of you he took me on the side of the wall and told me to say, ouch, ouch, ouch and he hit himself with the belt. He did not hit me… lol So, I have never been used to being hit by a man.

My grandfather would never hit me and he did not allow people to hit me on my birthday. I NEVER GOT BIRTHDAY LICKS. I want my male friends that went to Washington Elementary School with me to think about me getting, dunked in the snow, hit in snow ball fights, or etc… Did it happen? No!!!! Thank you for being nice to me. They would say, Mecca does not play like that. My brothers would say, do not do that to my sister, she does not like that. I was a girl that likes sports and played with cars and trucks but reminded people to please keep their hands to themselves.

I will be honest and say the first time a man smacked me I was 17 years old. I was a hot mess yes that’s true. He caught me hugging another guy and my smart mouth self said, neither one of you are my boyfriends. It was hilarious to me but my stepdad was furious and yes when he got caught he was arrested. As I said before, no one were allowed to put their hands on me.

Fast forward to 2011. I was minding my business completing my homework and I met a guy. Since I knew “of” his family I thought it was safe to date him. Our relationship moved fast but that was not strange to me. My previous relationships moved quickly and I was not abused.

In November 2011, all I did was go to work, church, school and be with my children. Everything was well. I thank God that I had a partial hysterectomy in December of that year so I did not have a child in that marriage. Good riddance!!!

Of course I thought everything was going well, we got married, I graduated, got my first teaching job, his job became a career, and our families were blending well. One day I was told by his son’s mom to beware because he's a true monster. She told me in three months he would begin to break things in the house and three months from the first tantrum that he would hit me. Of course I believed her but was puzzled because he had never yelled at me. I will also be honest and say that having the hysterectomy made me moody for a while and one Sunday he said he was not going to church and I beat the hell out of him with my bible and he did not retaliate. He put his clothes on and went to church. I know I was wrong, it's not right for anyone to hit people out of anger. I was like, well maybe it was a reason he did those things to her because I jsut hit him and he did not do anything. Of course he told me she was cheating on him and that she used to hit him. Those were lies!!!!

One day he was upset that I was at work after 3pm and did not answer my phone right away. When I got home he tried to argue. I was like “ man please”. Just from that he broke my phone. The first thing I thought about was his son’s mom warnings. I called his mom and she told him to stop being mean to me. A few days later he was mad because I was leaving out to go to work early. He accused me of wanting to get their early so I could have sex with the principal in his office. Remember, I have a smart mouth so I said, you sound like an idiot. I was standing in the middle of the stairs and he grabbed my leg and pulled me down the stairs, he grabbed me by the collar and said, leave a minute earlier than you normally do and this marriage is over.

I should have let him leave that day. I called my mother and told her what happened. She came over when I got off work. She told him that I did not grow up being yanked, pulled, or threatened and it would not be starting now. She suggested that we go to counseling because if my stepdad or uncles found out she would rather him go to jail than deal with them.

For maybe a month that small talk with my mother worked. He would say mean things but not physically touch me. He changed my phone number because he was jealous of a childhood friend that’s my birthday twin. He had just moved back in town, made some new music and wanted to give me a cd.

After I got the new number I got a mysterious text from a number that I did not know asking if he could see me. I was like , “Who is this? I think you are texting the wrong number.” He said a name I had never known. Of course I said no and to never text me again I think he has the wrong number. He said, I had given him the number but no name.

I really thought it was my husband trying to test me to see if I would tell him if someone tried to contact me, so I told him about the text. It was not him testing me and he became furious. He started calling the man daily and the man told him I gave him my number at a gas station, and I did not give him a name so he could not tell my husband my real name.

I haven’t told a soul this before but in the bedroom that morning he woke up at 3am asking, “who is the man Mecca.” He was grabbing me by the back of my neck. I was whispering, I do not know because my daughter was across the hall and I did not want her to come in and stab him to death because she would have. He began to press my face in the pillow as if he was going to suffocate me and I scratched my face under my eye with my ring. I was so afraid to go back to sleep I laid there in silence until it was time for me to go to work. I had to hurry and leave the house before the kids got up so that they would not see my face. I drove to work crying while he was on the phone screaming who is the man Mecca and he’s done with my cheating ass. I got off the interstate and went to the Walgreens by my job. I grabbed sunglasses and foundation.

I never wore makeup so I did not have the correct color. I rushed to my classroom, put the makeup on to hide the bags and the bruise. I slept across two desks because I was so tired. I did not have any real work friends that I could confide in. When my students came in I told them we were keeping the light out because it was movie day all day. I didn't even leave my room for lunch. All I did was sleep every time I had a plan period.I was lucky it was not a Tuesday so we did not have a team plan. When I left work I went into a beauty supply store and a woman found the correct foundation for me and showed me how to cover it better. If you are reading this you a true saint. Once I got home that evening I told the boys I was tired so I went straight to my room. Miya had cheer practice late so she just yelled, mom I’m home and did her regular scheduled teenage life.

He eventually apologized for “accidentally” hurting me but he still could not believe that I did not give out my number. To this very day he still believes that there was another man. I am literally happily and securely married to a wonderful guy. He called me several months ago and asked me if my current husband was the guy that called me that day. He is truly a sick individual that really needs medical help.

Since he is terribly disturbed, he would want me to be on the phone with him on my way to work, during my plan time, and even on speaker phone with his phone muted while I was in confidential meetings. (I do not work at the same job do not try to report me lol.) I complied because I did not want to argue with him. He would wake me up sometimes at three and ask “who is the man?” I would beg to go back to sleep and then he would threaten to leave me and I would pray that he would just get better. I was a church girl and did not want to get divorced.

I eventually told my pastor how he was mentally behaving but I did not tell him that he had physically assaulted me. My pastor told him I had been at that church for years and he never saw a man sniffing around and that I had never introduced him to a man before him. The pastor told him that he should seek counseling to get to the root of his real problem. We went to a psychologist and he had some serious issues. I felt that his childhood trauma afforded him a little more patience.

I really believe that people that did not have a grandmother miss out on unconditional love that is needed to be a compassionate adult. By having a grandmother people can feel the epitome of love. I know that grandmothers are needed. Moreover, I am a grandmother now and I surely know that it is a different love that cannot easily be explained.

I suffered in the marriage my first year. I learned about all the horrible attacks he had done on three other women before me. However, I stayed and tried to help him. I played this game in my mind, well he does not hit me like that. He would only yank me, or push me aside, and mentally control me.

After months of seeing the psychologist I noticed the psychology really did not help. He did not do the techniques that the psychologist gave him. Truthfully due to the severity of his real illness, I felt he needed a psychiatrist.

He did not go and see a psychiatrist until one day I was getting ready for church and he decided not to go. I told him I was sick of him and he could just leave because he did not want to get better. In my mind I knew that he had demons inside of him and I was praying that church could help with removing them. He wanted to argue and I was not doing that in front of my children. I was standing by the sink calm. I had learned to remain calm when he was angry. That day my calmness made him explode.

Quickly, he smacked my hand and the coffee cup went in the air then it spilled all in my hair plus my clothing. Miya yelled from upstairs, did you just hit my momma. I told her to chill. It's okay. Latif ran to his room, I asked Miya to get a towel for me. He then walked away towards our bedroom. He came back downstairs and snatched my car keys so I couldn’t leave. I mouthed to Malik to go call the police. He was in the third grade at the time. He dialed 911 and told them his stepdad was at the house and just hit his mom.

He was arrested and he agreed to go to a psychiatrist for help. Of course I believed him and took him back. Do you know that was the first time a woman had called the police on him. Everyone else really and truly just wanted to get away from him. He had never gotten the true justice that he deserved. I promised him I would not be the one getting punched in the face, bitten, and beat with a pole. His son's mom was correct, he is just a horrible monster. However, one day he will hurt a lady seriously and I will definitely testify about his behavior.

This is my truth. That was only a year of marriage and the worst year of my life. I feel a load off of me by telling part of my story. If you are reading this and you have an inkling that your significant other is nuts please leave. You cannot help him.

Throughout this month when I feel the need to release some of the trauma from the worst relationship of my life I will.

You can get out. If you need help you can find me on Facebook even if you are in a different state or country. I will do everything I can to help you find resources. I know many of my friends and family will be shocked by these stories because I am a true superwoman. I have never told anyone everything I allowed in that marriage. Only God knows the magnitude of suffering that I endured. I was 125 lbs being bullied by a 200 plus pound monster and I survived. Stay tuned for my next release.

I apologize again to my three wonderful angels for the trauma that this particular relationship put on you. However, just like me you are healed.

By the way, even though I am healed I can use my stories to help others so save your negative comments and drama.To also be clear, I do not condone any man or woman hurting another person. Including my uncle. Do I love my uncle? Yes!!! Did he need help? Yes!!! Truth be told I turned my own uncle in that’s how much I do not play about domestic violence. Mr. Monster had the nerve to say that my uncle hurt women so maybe that’s why he hurt me. 🤪🤪🤪🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

I will say this in closing I have always taught my sons to treat girls and women the way that they would want their mother, sisters, cousins, grandmothers, and aunties to be treated. Are my sons perfect? No!!! However, if any woman ever call me and state that one of my sons hit her I will be the first to dial 911!!! May you all find peace. I LOVE YOU!!!!💕❤️😘