The Father - Review

Spoilers ahead - if that bothers you, proceed with caution! If you haven't seen it and plan on watching it, you are really better off going in blind. Go and watch it and then come back with a cup of tea and we'll talk!

What's it about?

This film shows the relationship between Anne (Colman) and her father, Anthony (Hopkins). He has dementia and she is struggling to care for him.

It's only a 12A (UK rating), so you might be expecting something heartwarming. It isn't. It's a bit disturbing and depressing, but done well.

What is disturbing about it?

Abuse is depicted. In one scene, it looks like Anne strangles Anthony while he is sleeping. It wasn't clear to me whether this was a dream or an imagining, or something she really started to do in a moment of despair. In another, her husband, Paul, slaps Anthony in the face and speaks in a derogatory way to him.

Confusing - but in a good way

Another thing that is a little bit disturbing about it is the sense of confusion. It's done deliberately, and cleverly. Initially there is only a sense of things being slightly off kilter. This deepens as the movie progresses. Surely this puts us in the shoes of the aged lead character, Anthony, and helps to demonstrate how his dementia worsens over time.

It puts the empathy on its skin

There is a great deal of empathy here - the people making this movie have really tried to make you try on Anthony's skin! For example, on a couple of occasions, different actors are used to portray the same characters. You don't just see Anthony's confusion at not recognising the person; you feel it as well.

Anne is going to Paris; she isn't going any longer; she has been there many months. It feels like a mental jigsaw - you find yourself questioning which bits should go where. You doubt your understanding of the timeline - just as Anthony surely does as well. You wonder, What the heck is going on? and What is even real at all?

Some scenes repeat, with a different actor. Eventually you realise these are actually different people (staff in the nursing home) and Anthony is muddling up their faces as he relives bits of his past.

At first, it seems to be showing Anthony living in his own flat, then staying with his daughter. Both places are quite similar, but with some key differences. He visits a doctors office briefly, and in one scene he is in a hospital and sees Lucy badly injured after her accident. At some point it dawns on you (it was very late in the film for me) that he has been in a nursing home all the time, and is reliving bits of his past over and over. He is trapped in his past, and is quite, quite alone.

No judgement

There is very little judgement. You, the viewer, will feel something towards Paul when he slaps Anthony. How he is behaving is very clearly wrong and abusive. And yet, after a moment, you can also understand, without condoning it, how he arrived at that place. How aggravating and callous Anthony can be, and the endless saintly patience required to live in his orbit. The stark fact is - and maybe we don't really want to admit it - none of us are saints.

For Anne and Paul, his isn't just a job or an occasional visit but their daily reality. This is something they must manage all the time that they are at home. There is no downtime. It is never going to get better. It will almost certainly get worse.

Anthony might need Anne at any moment. His mood can turn on a tenpence piece. Anne is always on call. You get a sense of the the strain all of this places on their marriage. Anne (and by extension, her husband, while they are together) make significant sacrifices while trying to care for Anthony. The film manages to stay quite neutral here. It seems not to judge Anne for not being able to continue doing that. It also doesn't judge Anthony for how his illness manifests. It just is what it is.

Not The Favourite

Anthony can be quite cruel to Anne - an element of his declining mental health. This, and her emotional responses, hit hard for me. It was so elegantly done, and perfectly believable. She is clearly not the favourite daughter. It's plain that Lucy (her sister) is dead, but Anthony doesn't know. He has forgotten. He misses her terribly and asks for her. I found myself wondering how many times Anne must have reminded him, and how he reacted each time. In disbelief, or anger, or pain. The grief would always be fresh.

Gloomy

There is a feeling of gloominess and mild claustrophobia throughout. It is only towards the end that I realised Anthony is never depicted outside. Instead, he is often shown in small rooms and corridors, always behind a closed window or door. This makes sense once you realise he has been in a home the whole time.

Loss

Loss is a recurring theme. Anthony loses his watch. He is worried about losing other belongings (he thinks someone is stealing them and finds places to hides them). He loses his carers, who cannot deal with his worsening condition. He has no wife - I assume she was dead. He is terrified of losing his flat (which he thinks he is still living in). He loses his memory. He loses his favourite daughter. Anne loses her sister. She loses her husband. She loses her freedom, her independence. She loses her father to his condition.

There is no overcoming. No reclamation, except when Anne regains some of her freedom when she moves to Paris. No redemption. Only grief, really, I suppose. Acceptance, perhaps. Things that are lost stay lost. Things that change stay changed.

Poignant

There are some poignant moments that hold the film together and stopped me switching off.

For example, in one scene he is unable to put on a jumper. There is this stifling sense of helplessness - a full-grown man struggling to do something he used to take for granted. This is cut through by a sunny moment of clarity and gratitude - Anne helps him and he appears to be completely coherent. He thanks her, simply and sincerely "for everything".

There's also a light hearted scene when Anthony turns on the charm for a new carer who reminds him of Lucy. He is upbeat and frank, and he tries to tap dance to impress her.

Lonely

The film feels lonely. Anthony is trapped in his past, which alienates him from the people in his present. The nursing home staff are strangers. Each day he forgets them, and the next day they are new to him all over again. His daughter is in Paris. At the end, he calls for his mother, who must be long dead.

Anne is also depicted as being alone. Her sister is dead. She has no other siblings to share this responsibility with. Her marriage to Paul crumbles, because of the strain of caring for Anthony. We never see her with her new husband in Paris. Happiness and connection occur off-screen - not part of Anthony's world.

Thought provoking

Another thing I found thought provoking was the interaction with the nurse at the end. It is soft and drawn out. She listens. She is sympathetic. She holds him and soothes him as if he were a child. The thought struck me that this is likely to be unrealistic for many nurses - often they don't have this kind of time.

Would I recommend it?

It's a good film. There's no excitement, or explosions, or futuristic gadgets, sure. It's not what you might call cheery. But it's insightful. Sad in a gentle sort of way. It's very skilfully put together. The acting is top notch.

The casting was superb. I can't think of a better pair to pull this off than Colman and Hopkins. I watched it because I've loved Colman since Peep Show, and Hopkins never disappoints either. I'm glad I did.

I think it might be worth a second viewing. It would definitely be easier to understand on the next go round! I would feel as though I were having a bird's eye view of it, rather than experiencing the confusion first hand. But it's possible that the sense of groping towards a shaky understanding that you experience on the first viewing is an integral part of the experience.

+++++++

Let me know what you think in the comments, and I will do my best to reciprocate and read some of your stories as well!

Film reviews are not my usual Vocal wheelhouse - short fiction is where I am most at home, so this gives you an idea of the impact this one had on me.

+++++++