The Father Figure I Did Not Expect To Have

I’ve always had trouble with my biological parents, and I bet many individuals have their own stories as well if you ask them.

My parents were not perfect—no one was. As I got older, I began to understand that they have traumas that they needed to face, and unfortunately, my parents have never learned to deal with them properly even until now. Thus, they ended up continuing the cycle and passing their traumas to their children.

I was not excusing their behavior, of course. This was nothing but a reflection on how I became the person today and the reasons why I was grateful for this one person that we would call Lee to protect his privacy.

I’ve lived in a household that was filled with turmoil. Although I was never physically hurt by my biological parents, I dealt with the repercussions of their aggressive relationships. I barely got schoolwork done and even if I stayed in the library, my studying would be cut short. I would immediately receive a call from my parents since the cops had to get involved in their fights, and I got blamed for not mediating their battles. Many times, I have missed my exams and midterms because I had to stay at home to stop them from breaking everything. During the weekends, when my parents were in a better mood, they would be partying in the house until dawn. Therefore, my grades suffered and unfortunately, I did not ask for help when I should have. I knew I should have left home much earlier, since this affected my time when I was in post-secondary, but I did not have the heart back then.

The only time I found solace was when I was at work. It was my first real job and even if I was part-time and still in school, I took on more shifts so I could pay for school, help with finances at home, and save to move out. Our manager, Lee, had been understanding of my situation. Most of his employees in my age group also have had similar stories.

Our store had formed a little family that was brought together by Lee. We never told him, but one of the reasons why we usually wanted to come in for work was because he had made our store a safe place.

Lee would buy us food even if we did not ask him to. He would take notice when we haven’t eaten and if we didn’t have enough to buy food for ourselves. He would also let us take longer breaks to study when the midterms and exams came, and finish the assignments that were due that day. He would cheer us on and just as a father would, he would ask us how our school was going, if we are staying healthy, and if there was anything he could help us with. He had mentored us at work on how to become better at sales and communication, and most of all, he genuinely believed in all of us. Even when Lee also had a family of his own, he had no problem taking all of us under his wing. Whenever one of us was sick, he would go out of his way to bring us food and check in on us. For individuals like us, who rarely felt genuine concern from a parent, we never forgot how he took care of us. There were many times he drove us home since it would be too unsafe to take the transit, and there were also many times when one of us would call him crying because something terrible happened at home or in our relationships. He would never pry but he was always there for us when we needed him.

One time, when I was still living with my parents, I got into a terrible fight with my mother about my weight, my physical and mental health, passions, and school. I have confessed that I sought help, and she had taken it as an insult for being a terrible parent instead. I went to work that day with eyes swollen from crying. I did not want to go in like that since I always tried to keep my troubles from home away from work. However, I was not able to that day. I’ve had enough but I also needed the money and could not skip work.

Lee noticed, and as gently as he could, he asked if I needed someone to talk about it. I broke down that day and told him everything. He sat there with me in the backroom, listening, just like he did for everyone. He did not judge nor interrupt, and when I finally calmed down, he asked me how he could help. I did not ask for much, other than to just let me sit there and calm down, but I was truly grateful for his friendship. I didn’t know who to speak with about it and with just him, listening without judgment, meant everything.

This was only one of the instances that he had helped. In many ways, just being our great friend and having a genuine concern for our growth and health had impacted many of us. When we finally graduated from school, he pushed us to further our skills and helped us narrow our career options even when it meant that we would be leaving the company. We no longer work with him, but he was proud of our growth and made sure to always have our backs—whether it would be for references or general advice in life.

I could not speak for everyone, but I know that Lee’s support helped me become who I was now. His guidance also motivated me to finish school and embrace my passion for creativity. He was always one of our biggest fans, and I would be lying if I said that he was not the reason why I continued writing.

No words could ever describe my gratitude.

He was the father figure that I did not expect to have.

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