The Blessing of Being a Single Mom

I'm a mother of nine children. I'm a SINGLE mother of nine children. If this seems like a lot, that's because it truly is.

At no point in anyone's life do they wake up one morning and decide that they would like to be a single parent, let alone to multiple children. While there are those out there who plan to be single parents, it is typically a very small number and definitely a case of a fairly successful and financially stable single individual who might have a ticking biological clock and no time for a courtship or relationship with a partner.

Many years ago, as a stay-at-home Army wife to six small children and then seven small children, I would have never believed that someone would intentionally choose single parenthood. As my third marriage began to disintegrate, however, it became obvious to me that there are times when having a spouse or partner might be more difficult than being a single parent. When I unexpectedly found myself pregnant with my eighth child, approximately five years after I became a single parent for the first time, I began facing the possibility of being an entirely single parent with no involvement from the other parent. This seemed daunting!

By the time I was fully a single parent with no involvement from my eighth or ninth children's father, I was more than happy to take on the challenge and raise these two precious little boys on my own. I never imagined a scenario before this point that I would be happy with being a single parent, I even began to feel selfish - while wondering if it was truly fair to my two youngest sons to grow up without an actively involved father. As it turns out, I feel as though they are growing up better for it. They still have strong male role models in their lives with whom they have positive relationships with. They are a very happy and well-adjusted five and three year old.

Their father? He pays the court mandated child support and sees them approximately once a year. They don't have an inkling of who he is and who he should be to them. They haven't asked, so I have saved the explanations for now. As it is, those explanations will be simple and neutral, not painting their father in a negative light. Simply put, there's no anger or bitterness towards him on my side and I doubt there will be for my sons - he's just missing out on two of the most precious human beings on this earth.

As a single mom, there are no "off days," no rest periods, there's no shared responsibility or an extra pair of hands when things get difficult or stressful. There's no other person to share the burden and the fear, no one else to pick up the slack. Older siblings are often pushed into being helpers to their parents and losing a bit of their childhood. Being a single mom is difficult, bone-crushing, soul-breaking, heart-shattering and is a combination of blood, sweat, tears and determination. I will NOT let my child fall, I will NOT let my child feel unloved or as if they are not enough.

And the rewards to being a single parent are many. They more than make up for all of the stress, exhaustion, pain and trauma. As a single mother, I get the privilege and blessing of raising these little human beings into adulthood. I get to be the one to hold them and comfort them whenever they are afraid, to rejoice with them whenever they reach new milestones or goals, whenever they are happy, excited - I'm the one who gets to be there and see those little faces light up. I get to hold their hands and walk along this path with them, to bring them into a life for themselves... we reach new destinations along the way and make memories to last forever, because the moments surely can't.

As a single mother, I have the greatest honor and privilege - I get to play the role of both parents, to find role models to help fill the shoes of the father that they are missing, while getting all of the hugs, kisses and cuddles. I get to hear the "I love you Mommy's" every night, I get to see them enjoying their favorite toys, play cars or dinosaurs with them, watch their favorite shows with them. I get to know these two little human beings better than anyone else in this world. Their siblings and I surround them with love and affection and we are blessed to have them in our lives and to have their love and trust. When things get difficult, our family may fuss and feud, we may argue and get angry with each other - my household is loud, obnoxious, often chaotic, yet at the same time, happy, loving and honest. We all know that we have each other and my children know I am here no matter what.

Being a single mom is the most difficult job I've ever had, but it has been the most important. The blessing of being a single mom definitely outweighs all of the hardship.