The cliche’ that is so commonly used, “I knew at a young age I was different,'' could be used in this situation but that would be a lie. As a child you hear all sorts of stories of what you did or did not do and some of them seem a bit far fetched from where you are standing but nonetheless, those who were around you claim it to be true. I heard many of these and looking back now I can say that I can definitely see myself doing these things. I remember my parents sharing a story about me packing up my Radio Flyer wagon with all that was important to me and dragging it out the front door of our home in Massachusetts.
The laughter from the group my mother happened to be sharing this with, was strictly due to the contents I chose to take with me. I was told it was my ratted up teddy bear with only one eye visible and a bandaid for the other since his eye was recently poked by me during the aggressive departure. No one can agree upon how old I was when this particular event occurred however, the dated marker would be my yellow feety pajamas, the kind that were a vinyl bottom. You know the kind, that when you walked and dragged your feet a little bit, you could make a really cool sliding sound. My absolute favorite as I recall! I also had my Chatty Cathy Doll, a chocolate milk travel cup (yes just one), a stack of Golden Books, my blanket, my pillow and of course my Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. As funny as it seemed to the adults sharing this story of me, I saw nothing wrong with what I chose to take with me. Every item in my Radio Flyer were of great significance to me, even as I remember it today.
My mother is the sort of person that likes to attempt to call your bluff while she is actually praying you do not have the fortitude to follow through and she will get to be right, again. This was never the case with me. I not only threatened to leave but I actually packed up what I believe was all I needed to survive and walked out the front door of our home in Massachusetts. I knew exactly where I was going (apparently) because I waddled my way four houses down to my aunts house where I knew I seek refuge from my unreasonable family and eat her daily delicious spread of portuguese pasta dishes.
I have no idea why I felt the need to have a mass exodus from my home at that age however, I can tell you that it did not stop at that young age and it concluded shortly after graduating high school. Looking back on my childhood, I could blame a lot on my parents and my family setting but what would that accomplish? Not a damn thing but sitting in a heaping mess of unresolved emotion and that is not going to help me in any way shape or form. Something happened to me differently than the rest of the human beings in my immediate circle and lately I have been on my own quest to discover what that is.
Starting with this scenario and story, I will show you how isolated, alone, weird, and confused I felt and how I could have used it to my advantage much better than I did. I want to share with you that being different in ANY way is really not you being different, but rather it is you being YOU and misunderstood by those closed minded individuals around you. How being YOU 100% is precisely what you need to do. I have been through so much that most would never have to and yet I am certain that someone else has had far worse of circumstances to contend with. Regardless, everyone experiences hardships in their lives that is strategically manifested for them and their journey. All will suffer in some way as we journey through this game of LIFE, it is how we choose to respond that will determine how long our battles will be.
I hope that by reading my life's adventures, you will find that you are not alone in this and that it is perfectly natural to experience all sorts of emotions as we make decisions along the road to discovering our happiness. My name is RachelAnn and I AM proud to be a Black Sheep. LOL Until next time……………