The Bad Nights

Having children in general is no picnic all the time. Having children with more challenging behaviors is even harder. My daughter has Autism, ADHD, speech delays and big development delays. When Matt (my boyfriend) is around Haylee is more manageable with her behaviors, but when she gets me alone its very frustrating. Tonight Matt was a work, so it was just Haylee and I. I was hoping to start the night off right by picking up Haylee’s favorite McDonalds meal before getting her from daycare. She has been asking for McDonalds all week. Which has been the cause of meltdowns in the car the past 3 nights; Having no burger ready for the car ride home. So tonight I’m prepared. I got the burger!

I pull up to Haylee’s daycare, and we see each other through the window. She instantly goes into meltdown mode. Started crying, hitting the lady trying to help her. Thought Great this is how it starts, but neither less I have the burger. Its bound to get her mood up. Boy was I wrong. Once I finally got Haylee into the car, she tears open the bag, grabs the burger, and squishes it before taking a huge bite. Starts screaming. I say, “Haylee everything is ok.” Than she sucks in and spits burger right in my face. At this point I need to tell myself that everything is going to be ok. We are driving home, and she wont stop banging her head on the car door. Now, I know that there is nothing I can do but to let her have at it. Let her emotions fly. If I open my mouth it will just get worse. I just need to focus on getting home. I take 5 deep breaths in and out and try and focus on driving. My therapist calls it a “Take 5”.

Once we finally get home and into the house. Haylee sought out her tablet, she calmed down. I sit down on the couch looking at the clock. In half hour I have to take Haylee to her Occupational Therapy appointment. At least Haylee has fun there. Only, after 10 min with her tablet Haylee want to go for a car ride. I have to let her know its not time, and to keep listening to music. Well, Haylee waiting or hearing anything of a “No” is just not an option. Meltdown starts all over again. Haylee’s meltdowns are aggressive. You need to make sure there is nothing around her that can break, or be used as a weapon. So I quickly put the chicken dance song on the tv. That will divert her away from going too far into this meltdown. It worked. All is well again, and its time to go to our appointment.

The drive to our appointment was ok. Except for the fact Haylee kept rolling the window up and down. Annoying, but I can live with that. When you have autistic children you have to learn where to pick your battles. This was not one I wanted to start. Especially since I’ve dealt with two meltdowns already, and I’ve only had Haylee for an hour!

Now that we are in our appointment I can relax. The OT has got it from here, but even she noticed Haylee needs more input than usual to get focused to do some work. It really didn’t help that there was a play group happening in the room down the hall, but we got through the hour. Well, almost! Just as the play group was getting ready to leave, Haylee had to pee. Our OT had to ask Haylee to hold it just a few minutes while the group transitions from play to going home with their parents. Having Haylee in the hall wasn’t going to help. So we did wait. In the meantime Haylee was playing on a bouncy ball, and wanted to bounce on the ball up and down the hall. We were going to do that once Haylee went pee. Well, Haylee did not make it to the bathroom and peed a little in her pants. I did not bring another pair of pants. Now Haylee can not jump on the bouncy ball up and down the hall with peed pants. We had to go home. She was not having this. Full swing meltdown. Refusing to put on her jacket, banging her head on the glass door, hitting me, hitting herself, and full on screaming. The OT dashed into the room where we were playing, and grabbed these things that stick to windows. She was thinking we could distract Haylee enough to let her anger out in a more safe way, but Haylee was far too gone. Best at this point to try and get Haylee to the car. Which was not easy. Punching my car, hitting her head on the door while I was trying to get her in, and than thrashing around in her seat once I got her in. Drive home was nothing but screaming, and punching the car door.

Once we were home I distracted her with food, and her tablet. All was calm, and I could sit. Maybe even clean the kitchen a bit. Thought I’d start with putting all garbage into the garbage can. Once it was full I changed the bag, and put the full bag outside. I come into the house to the smell of poop! “You have got to be shitting me!” (Pun intended) I come around the corner to the bathroom to see poop on the toilet, handles, and light switch. Take 5 deep breaths in and out. Go to the kitchen and grab the cleaning supplies. Wipe Haylee’s palms and fingers, then continue on the bathroom. Haylee has been poop smearing since she was 1 years old, she's now 11. I’ve got the cleaning procedure down pat. Then get this little girl into the tub. The tub will also calm her down. When Haylee is finally laughing and playing in the tub I needed to walk away. So I go back downstairs and unload the dishwasher. Go back upstairs to get Haylee out the tub and dressed. Once this is done I know just what will get her to lay in bed. Popcorn and her tablet. So I pop the popcorn, grab the tablet from the dinning room, and get Haylee back upstairs. Tuck her in, say goodnight with kisses, and head into my room. Where I finally lay on my bed and have a good cry. Also letting myself know that I did the best I could tonight, it was a bad night. Haylee is healthy and safe. I am healthy and safe. We are both fed, and in bed. Tomorrow is a new day. A new Haylee because I just never know what I’m going to get when Matt is not home, but I always know he’ll be home and that everything will be ok.

Us as parents don’t know all the answers, heck even the professionals don’t know all the answers. All we can do it get through each moment at a time. Try and learn what to do the next time something out of your control happens. But at the end of the day if you are tucking that little one in bed with kisses, then you are one amazing parent. You did everything you could for them that day, and you deserve all the praise in the world. Go buy that #1 parent mug, and drink your coffee with pride. Because you are indeed a #1 parent!