Taking Care of You!

One thing I wished I learned early on in life is to take care of me first. We all don’t want to be selfish, and have that need to put other people first. Of course there is nothing wrong with that. Taking care of other people is compassion towards other humans. I’m talking about self-compassion. How can you take care of others if you are not well. Self-compassion increases self-Improvement. When we improve ourselves we can than help others improve. Whether that be friends or family, or just show compassion to a stranger on the street.

My experience of not taking care of me did not end well. When my daughter Haylee was born I was already in a bad place on taking care of me. I was in a bad relationship, I wasn’t happy, and I pretty much had almost no self-compassion. If I did than I’m sure I wouldn’t have been in the relationship I was in. It only grew worse from there. Professionals were still confused on what was wrong with Haylee. she was not diagnosed till she was 4 years old. Haylee was not sleeping through the night till she was 5 as well. So imagine a mom with no self-compassion, in a bad relationship, with no sleep! Not very pretty. But Hey, I was putting my daughter first. It’s what I should be doing, right? Not entirely. I was miserable, tired, mentally and physically exhausted. Likely splashed with some depression. I needed to be able to do all these special things with Haylee. Learn how to improve our home to cater Haylee’s special needs as an autistic child. Because I didn’t cater to my needs, I had a hard time catering to Haylee’s. Sure we managed, but not in a healthy way for the both of us.

I finally realized just how unhappy I was with my life when Haylee was about 6 years old. A lady started a Zumba class in the town I was living at the time. I was a figure skater in my youth, and a dancer from my pre-teen to being a young adult. So I was kind of excited! I had not many friends. Sure on social media I did, but no one I hung out with on a weekly or even monthly biases. Maybe I’d meet people, have a good time, dance my troubles away. Little did I know that physical activities was a type of self-compassion. It was an activity that brought happiness, and uplifting to my soul. It gave me something to look forward to, something that was just for me. That Zumba class saved my life. It gave me life again! So much that I became an instructor. That confidence made me think that I could go back to school and become a journalist or radio host. So I did. Took my very first university class in Pre-Journalism. I soon realized my life was happy outside my home, but not inside my home. I still had much to learn about self-compassion. My family helped me get out of that bad relationship. Soon Haylee’s doctors realized that I needed help, that I only dipped my toe into self-compassion. So they referred me to a therapist. I was reluctant at first. I had some bad experiences as a child with therapists, but I was open minded. This was for Haylee, and I always put Haylee first. I ended up seeing a therapist every week for 6 months, and that was to only help with my depression. I was forcing myself to put my depression aside, and help Haylee. With not addressing my depression, I wasn’t 100 percent to help Haylee. I’m so glad my oldest daughter lived with my parents. No idea how I could have taken care of her as well. Even with therapy it was a long journey to learning the tools I needed, so that I could take care of Haylee at my best me. Haylee is now 11, and I finally learnt what putting me first looks like. I now ask for help, I utilize tools I learn from my therapist, I’ve read couple great self-compassion books, I’ve learnt to handle my anxiety (But still learning more). I’ve taken my love of writing and currently writing a book, as well as starting this blog page. I’m now realizing my dream of being a radio host is not over because I have an autistic child to look after. I can still set goals for myself, and cater Haylee’s needs. Just need a plan. When I look after myself, its easier to look after Haylee. Don’t get me wrong, it still very challenging. It’s always changing as another year goes by, but that’s where the self-compassion tools come into play. Self-compassion is a tool you need to use everyday. My experience is being a mom to a special little girl, but you don’t need to be a parent to need self-compassion. We all need it as humans. If you are a human, you need to start practicing self-compassion today. There are many groups, books, online reads, or therapy that you can utilize. lucky for us Self-compassion is a learnable skill.

My top 3 self compassion go to’s are:

1) Journaling my feelings so I can better understand what I’m thinking inside. This way I can better explain to my therapist. Than we work through these thoughts together.

2) The gym or any physical activity. I’m now a powerlifter by the way. Nothing says self-compassion to me than picking up heavy things, and slamming it down.

3) Hot bubble bath, and a good book. I love escaping into a good vampire romance novel. Reading in the tub is relaxing. Just don’t drop the book, lol!

Even though I’ve crawled out of that dark hole doesn’t mean I can never fall back in, but I now have the tools to start crawling back out if it happens again. Please reach out if your having troubles. You can’t care for others until you care for yourself. Imagine that light at the end of the tunnel not being a train, but the sun. Shine on everyone!