Support Children During COVID

Kinsley follows her mom around the house playing with toys, asking why and making messes. Of all the behaviors, the asking why is the one that causes that sensation like fingers on the chalkboard.

“Mom, why you doing that?”

“Because we need to have clean clothes,” Kat responds while transferring a load from the washer to the drier.

“Why?”

“Because we can’t wear dirty clothes.”

“Why?”

“We want to be clean and smell pretty.”

“Why?”

“So, our friends will want to play with us. Kins, don’t you want clean clothes to wear?”

In typical toddler behavior when the questions turn around, Kinsley disappears; today she dives into the closet to explore under the shoe rack and crawls between the hanging dresses that graze the floor.

“Mommy, why do you have so much?”

“So much what, Darling?”

When silence follows, just as all parents’ spidey senses go on high alert, this mom glances around for evidence of the child’s whereabouts.

Nothing.

“Kinsley.”

Kat scans the area, behind the door, under a pile of clothes, even quickly checks the inside of the drier — just in case.

With no child in her line of vision, she enters the nearest door and scans again for any signs of young life. There in the corner next to the tower of 2-ply toilet paper she spies the child and wonders why her arms are piled with toilet paper?

“Mom, you have too much! You share! I’ll take some,” then proceeds to march from the closet to her bathroom down the hall. After the third trip, Kins must feel satisfaction because when she revisits the closet the magic returns as her limbs disappeared behind the boxes of winter clothes in the back corner, probably visiting friends in Narnia.

The event’s play out like a game but questions haunt conscious thought.

She has never noticed the Costco sized package before, why has it caught her attention now?

Does Kinsley remember Auntie borrowing TP last week and the jokes we shared about the shortage?

Is she motivated to confiscate supplies for her own based upon what she has overheard and witnessed?

Can a child understand the symbolism of toilet paper during Covid-19? Understand that ownership of the product is less important than the feeling of control it offers? Comprehend the concept of supply and demand?

Recognize the comfort 2-ply tissue provides not only to the bum but to a feeling of security?

When children listen to adult conversations, can they detach the content from the emotion?

I wonder if Kinsley’s actions stem from lessons on sharing or overheard dialogue about current events. Her actions remind me little ears hear everything and interpret information through the lens of childhood understanding. Reminding myself what I say impacts the world around me and nonverbal communicates words messages that are not spoken, I make a promise to myself to vocalize optimistic observations, share positive energy, and sensor apprehension of the unknown when children are near.

“Mom, why you have so much?”

Kat turns around surprised this topic continues to spark interest in her daughter’s mind, “So, we are prepared for whatever happens.”

“Why?”

“Because you are a little poop, and I love you!”

As parents it is important to remember kids are extremely aware of the world around them. When life changes (parents not going to work, school cancellations, restricted play dates with friends, no daycare visits), children notice and not only ask questions but deserve explanations.

Experience has taught and research has reinforced that information should be directly shared with children. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, how a conversation develops may vary, but these are the suggestions I’ve compiled.

1. Assess the situation by taking cues from the children. Something they don’t ask directly but their behaviors signal a concern. Be aware of what your child is not saying and respond with positive reassurances. When they do ask, respond with reassurance and positive statements.

2. Ask simple questions to clarify if your child seems concerned. Allow them to direct the conversation. It is important to not overwhelm with too much information so consider the age of the child when responding.

3. Validate emotions by listening and assuring them that whatever they are feeling is normal. People deal with change differently.

4. When answering questions, be direct and honest without amplifying emotions. Facts increase understanding and acceptance; emotions enhance anxiety.

Mom, can I play with Atticus?

“Not today, Honey.”

“Why?”

“He is playing with Mommy and Daddy at home.”

“Why?”

“They are having a special family day. Would you like to call him later?”

“Yes. Why do I have to nap? Why is you doing that? Why can’t I have another Popsicle?”

“Because I love you.”

This can also be a difficult time for teens. There are strategies to prompt communication.

Parenting Tips to Increase Communication with Teens