Stop using Children as Weapons against your partner

It's a little unusual for an IT nerd to talk about parenting issues. Even more surprising is the fact that I don't have kids. So what made me write this article?

Over the years, I have been unfortunate to witness the way children are used as weapons by Indian couples going through a separation. It will be an understatement to state that matrimonial laws in India are heavily tilted toward women. Sections like 498a and CRPC 125 are misused to settle scores against men and their families. In India, child custody is generally provided to women, and children are used to extort men for monetary benefits.

Please note, I am not an anti-feminist but a Men Right Activist who wants gender neutral laws to help people in need.

Irrespective of gender, using Children as weapons to settle scores against your partner has a detrimental effect on the child's psychology. In this article, I would like to highlight some of them.

Lack of balance

Separation creates a void in the life of a child. It's a tough time for them and the least a couple can do is to keep the legal battles away from their children. A child deserves constructive time from both their parents.

I am not recommending couples to continue living in an unhealthy and abusive marriage. I want them is to vent out all there frustration, accusations, and differences in courts and not in front of there children. Your children are not your mental health counsellors whose shoulders are used to cry for your wrong choices.

Money is always involved in separation but is it really worth to use your children to add few zeroes in your account balance. Can you fill the void in the life of a child with those zeroes?

Confusion in building romantic relationships

When you use your children as weapons against your partner, they assume it to be okay to do so. This assumption impacts there romantic relationship when they grow up.

In an abusive relationship, a child fails to learn ways to build a loving relationship. It's unethical to prepare them to create unhealthy relationships in there adulthood.

Research has found that following separation and divorce, children are twice as likely to have emotional, social, behavioural and academic problems compared to children from families that are still together. However, this may not be the case in all families.

It's important to understand that no one benefits from a matrimonial dispute. There are better ways to settle scores. Everything is fair in love and war but not at the expense of a child. Children are not responsible for the breakdown of a marriage and should not pay for it.

What can the Government do?

In case this article reaches the Indian government, my request to them would be to introduce laws which ensure well being of a child. Matrimonial laws in India are strongly in favour of women. The least we can expect from our government is to place laws that ensure a child gets love and care from there parents.

A child's birth right is to receive love and affection from both parents and if the parents are not self-sufficient, it's our responsibility to put systems in place to minimize the damage to a child's mental health.

Thanks, Tarun

Men Rights activist and a mental health advocate.