Someone who dislikes me somehow got my car towed from my own property. I am being made to pay a fine.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena and Elizabeth here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My neighbors’ 14-year-old kid sideswiped my old car and my neighbors begged me not to get insurance involved. So I got an estimate and they gave me the cash to fix it. At the same time, my parents decided to get a new car and gave me their older one. I decided it wasn’t worth fixing my old car and I sold it as it was to a friend.

My neighbor is convinced I defrauded him somehow and he takes potshots at me every time we are together at a neighborhood event. Before we had a distant but civil relationship, but now I am getting irritated enough to escalate things. I don’t want to start a feud but I feel I was more than fair to my neighbors. His kid stole the keys to the family car to take a joy ride. They are very lucky I didn’t just call the cops there and then. What do I do here?

—A Bad Time in the Neighborhood

Dear Bad Time,

I understand why you’re tired of the jabs. You were kind enough to not report it to the police or insurance, and you also didn’t hold a grudge against them. But the last thing you want to do is lose your cool now—it will just give him more ammunition to attack you. Instead, have an adult conversation at the next potluck.

Ask him to speak and pull him aside from the rest of the group. You can share as little or as much as you’d like about your new car, but broadly explain the situation and note that overall, it made more sense for you to take advantage of the gift rather than fixing your old vehicle. Then calmly remind him that you aren’t defrauding them because either way, they were taking responsibility for what their 14-year-old did to your vehicle. It won’t hurt to remind him that going through insurance likely would’ve raised his rates. Hopefully, this will give him a much-needed reality check and convinces him to leave you alone. If he continues, take the higher road and don’t engage. Eventually, he’ll hopefully get tired, stop, and move on to a new target.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

Picture it, 2012. I was pregnant with my second child and was up all night with a stomach bug. I binge-watched “Say Yes To The Dress” all night long between trips to the restroom. I watched families have a magical day with their daughters and future daughters-in-law, and I was so moved, thinking about my then-two-year-old daughter’s future wedding, and my unborn son’s future wedding. I remembered a magical wedding I attended a few years before, and realized… I cannot afford a magical bridal experience for my children. I immediately (well, the next day) opened a secret savings account for each child, and started putting away $5 a week automatically into the accounts. It’s not much, but by the time they’re in that “marrying age” it will have enough to fund a bridal weekend.

Fast forward 10 years. I now have three kids, and the accounts are starting to have real amounts of money in them…. and I’m having doubts that this is the best way to gift my children. What if one of them chooses not to get married at all? What if they get married at different times in their lives, which would mean the gifts would be unequal because someone “cashed out” sooner than the others? What if they buy a house first and would rather have the money for that? And, worst of all, I’ve started to hate the wedding industrial complex that drains young couples and their families of thousands upon thousands of dollars in diamonds, lace, and catering, when they could use that money instead to build their financial security.

Each account will have $6,500 by the time they turn 25. What is the best way to be responsible with this gift for them? Do I give it to them at 18 as a high school graduation present (it will be $4,600 at that time)? Do I open an IRA for them at 18 and drop that money in there? Do I keep the wedding gift idea, and when they turn 25 just hand it over? Or taken them on a mother-child vacation to Cancun when they hit 25? Do 25-year-olds want to go to Cancun with their mothers? Please save me from myself.

—Say Yes to the Mess

Dear Say Yes,

You’d be surprised that quite a few people want to hang out with their parents past 18, so never throw the possibility of a cool trip out the window.

But you’re right that each child may have different plans for the future. A lot of people (including myself) are waiting until well into their 30s to get married. In 2022, a survey found that the average age for marriage among women was 30, with men coming in slightly older at 32. That doesn’t even cover those that decide to not wed and instead choose cohabitation or co-parenting.

Each of your children is different—so treat them that way. Ask your children one-on-one what they would do with $4,000-plus dollars if given the chance once they get older—say around that 18th birthday deadline. You can give them a few options, such as using it toward a school or trade program, a down payment on a car (or maybe a start on a house fund?), a jump start on investing (the Roth IRA option can easily go here), first few months rent in their first place after moving out, or any other life goal of their choosing. Then, gift it to them when you feel the time is right. That might mean giving the amount of money at a later date than originally thought, but it still helps you support your children in the best way possible. And if you haven’t already, think about putting that money to work in an account that earns interest while you wait to give it to them.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

I hate my job but love my boss (well, one of them). I am unhappy, overworked, and underpaid, but none of these things are the fault of Good Guy Boss, who regularly asks me how I’m holding up and if I need anything. What’s been killing me is lying to him when I say I’m okay; I generally value honesty so deeply, but I feel it will do nothing but cause me problems to tell him the truth. Even if he cares, his power to fundamentally change the problem is pretty limited. We both know the CEO is nuts, at least, but again, camaraderie can only get me so far on the matter of my dwindling bank account and soul-sucking work life.

I serve a pretty big role, and I know my departure will create a massive amount of work for people. Is there any way to prevent springing a surprise on people? I don’t know how I could possibly prepare them without straight up telling them. Good Guy Boss also asked me if I was “happy here” and I still haven’t responded to that message in favor of typing out this message to you. How honest should I be for the sake of both my own well-being and that of my team? Should I just shut up until I have a job lined up and allow them to scramble?

—Sincerely Not Happy Here

Dear Sincerely Not Happy,

It sounds like you are making the best decision for yourself, your checking account, and your overall well-being. Do not quit until you have a job lined up or are financially prepared to take time off if nothing becomes available right away. Due to extensive layoffs, along with those looking for better pay to cover inflation, there are a lot of candidates out there. Make sure you’re covered and secure in employment before taking the leap.

Next, do not tell your co-workers about your impending departure unless you’ve turned in your two-week notice. People talk, and you would hate for your managers to find out you’re leaving through someone else. No one wants additional duties unless they come with compensation, which can breed some resentment before you check out—and could possibly make your life harder in the short term.

What you can do, however in preparation for when the time comes, is write out a list of your current responsibilities and what each one entails. For example, when I left my last day job, I wrote out specific instructions about our scholarship program and what steps needed to be taken in the weeks following my departure. This helped create a successful transition for whoever inherited that aspect of my job. It’s a small way to show your co-workers that you cared about making the transition a little smoother.

As for Good Guy Boss, it’s okay for you to give him an update about your happiness but only if you feel comfortable doing so without retaliation. Ask for a meeting instead of putting things on paper, to cover your tracks. You can point out one or two issues (not people) and suggest a solution that could help both you and your team succeed. But if you’re just burnt out and don’t see a solution that will satisfy you at this time, reply to the message with a simple, “I’m fine, thanks for checking in,” and continue to hang on until you find your next gig. Good luck.

—Athena

I wouldn’t have been able to go to my half sister’s wedding due to a work conflict. I wanted to show my support, so I bought her an expensive Hawaiian honeymoon package. Only a month before the wedding, the lovebirds broke up due to rampant cheating on both sides. This has caused our father a lot of embarrassment and cost a pretty penny. I managed to transfer the vacation package back to myself and made plans to go with a friend. It is nonrefundable, and my boss would be happier I don’t take off Christmas. Only now my half sister is freaking out she can’t go to Hawaii.