She said

Just go through it. You've gone through everything else.

This isn't the same as too many shoes. It's personal to you.

     I never had "too many shoes", dear. Girls are to shoes like old farts are to woodshop clutter.

Was their a point of woodshop anything now? He didn't trust the idea that there was really anything to do. He looked alone around the place at all the packing he'd done alone. He couldn't stand up or sit right. He was supposed to be tired. He was drained by not being tired enough and full of empty.

Yeah yeah.

     Oh don't "yeah yeah" me now. Go through it.

You know I'm not the type to sneak through someone's most private stuff. Yer all about "The Juice" and tasty details about gossipy-chirping stuff. I figure if it's important then I'll hear about it and do what I can how I can!

     Well maybe it is important!

I get that, you put it in there and you were never one to waste words...except when it was "Juice-time"

     That was chit chat, but this is something else.

Listen here, Love, -I took a lot of pride for not invading your personal journals or diaries! I'd think that was decent of a man to let his lady be herself and her way within herself?

     You cute old fool, you can't think I ever wanted that from you!

But I recall your first marriage ended badly when "what's his face" was going through all your stuff and got on you about some of my old letters he found and--

     What's his face? -Don't remember his name? Don't remember him finding the poetry you wrote for me?

I remember he screamed at you over it, and burned it or something!

      He just said he wished he could write to me like you. He burned himself, admitting to me that he wasn't "all in" or not crazy deep about me. And then I came to you to have your everything, anything, and I very much-

       His phone rang,  vibrating  near the packing tape, unopened mail and black marker. The vibrating made the phone wander towards the cold. old mugs of coffee. Unanswered.

       Too quiet in the place again. Too much clutter in emptiness.

Damn.

The phone rang again and then he answered.

   Hey.

     "Hey." spoke his brother.

He looked at the clutter. Looked at the counter. Looked for something to say. He looked at the floor and sighed.

" I got Dad's ol fly rods rubbed out. Put fresh test on em too. The river's lookin nice"

I bet..

     "Yeah, real nice. I've been tying flies, you know. Got a few flies I think yer really gonna like, John."

I might just.. I don't know -, maybe just get a bobber on a damned string.

     "That's alright too. Quit it anytime. Take a break John. Just do it here."

Skunked even?

"We won't get skunked. Even if it's late day. Guaranteed"

Oh no. how's that?

     "Nope. Keith and all his kids were all out in the autumn. Did just like you said."

Well..-I don't know what I said right now, brother.

     "Ok, well, you were saying to get the kids out in the tall grass with badminton racquets and a jar...-"

-and swat down a lot of grasshoppers for bait.

     "That's right and they did. Got a whole jar in the freezer. I've ever heard kids laughing that hard - wailing away at grasshoppers."

Good.

    "The kids all were out middle of the day later and everyone of em hooked up browns like pros. Like you and me will this weekend."

Well that's just great.

"Keith said grasshoppers are fish crack"

He said that?

"Keith would say that"

I guess so.

     "Alright John, You wanna bobber? you wanna sinker? That's all ok. We just wanna know for sure that you are showing up here Saturday. Please do?"

 Ok then brother.

     "Thankyou John. Do you know when yet?, you got a ticket?"

Uh..  no. Yeah let me get my ticket. I'll call you back with times.

    "Want I should get you a ticket, John? -I know you got a lot goin on"

No, no- I'm okay. I'm comin.

     "Okay brother"

Okay brother,  and you know, -thanks for calling back.

     "Yup"

     The kitchen was all picked up. Annie put the last mug back on it's hook and sat down to finish the mail. John stopped again. He lifted and lowered his suitcase again.  He was staring. Too much nothing to do.

When the late daylight caught a side of her face. She looked everything like Ellen. He stared again. It kept happening.

 "Uncle John?" Mitchell asked gently.

     "Uncle John.." softer.

Annie glanced up to see John's stare though her and let it be. She nodded to Mitchell, a look that told him "John's okay"

Annie went right back to the forms. She calmly check-marked  the box: "withhold taxable portion from 20,000$  lump sum annuity", folded the form into the return envelope and added that to a neat stack of like insurance envelopes.

     " Once in a while it's really good to open your mail, John."

Uh, yeah. Ellen-   I mean Ellen did all the accounting. She was really..  She was..   an excellent accountant.

      Annie nodded, opening another envelope marked" BENEFITS DISBURSEMENT DO NOT DISCARD" John looked off.

     "She certainly was"

 I'm not sure what I'm gonna do without her. She took care of all that stuff. Took care of lots of stuff. What am I supposed to do now?

     Annie tilted her head , hiding a small  grin.

     "You'll certainly figure it out, I think. It's safe to say , uhhh-"

     Annie paused, counting the string of digits on another payout form . She nodded, impressed.

     "Uh it's safe to say you don't have to worry about many many things"

What am I going to do now?!

      Annie laid the pen down and sat back, looking straight back to John. She didn't reply. Just waited as John stammered for more to say.

     Do all the things you've always dreamt to do, that you couldn't do, when you were being there just for me. Be the young man of sixty-one who should see the oceans and the ancient places ---in person instead of the wrinkled pages of your favorite magazines!!!

I don't know how to.

     "Uncle John?"

Yeah MItch

     "I'm all loaded up. Just was gonna see if there was anything else I could grab for you?"

Umm, Mitch, I ah...

     Annie stood slowly approaching him. John clutched the counter, looking off and lost.

     "Honey" said Annie to Mitch with a nod.

     "Yeah Mom?"

     "How about you run that stuff over to the address I wrote down, it's on the console. And why don't you get us all a nice coffee on the way back. We have a little over an hour"

     "Okay, -See you in a bit" Mitchell nodded.

     John stared down, nodding shakily.

     The screen door clanked shut behind Mitchell, John startled  from the sound.

     Annie took his hold of his arm and waited softly for him to meet her eyes.

     And slowly he did, welling up, then looking back down.

I didn't tell Ellen I loved her enough! I didn't. -Ellen always.. I didn't tell  her...that enough...

     "oh dear John, get in here right now."

     Annie pulled John into a hug, away from the counter, down onto her shoulder where he wept and shook.

     Annie shut her eyes and smiled as her own tears ran with John's.

     "You said it by living it and never turning away, You said I love you in every way, every day"

     They waved to John from the landing as he sat by the train window above them. The train released it's brakes softly and rolled West chasing the sun. John rose to take off his coat, but felt and then took the little black book from the inside pocket.

     He sat back down with his coat on, gently feeling the edges of the pages.

Just go through it.

     John gazed across the expanse of rural places slipping into sunset, and then down to the first page of Ellen's diary.