She is signed upon my skin, but lives within my mind and heart...

This is my first tattoo, inked on my 23-year-old skin at my local tattoo parlour in Warrnambool, Victoria, of Australia. I never cared much for tattoos growing up in my teenage years and I never planned tattoos for when I would turn eighteen. I always admired a good tattoo and the story behind it. The story coming from the person with the tattoo is what interests me the most. I definitely see that tattoos can be the initial source of expression for that story, an artistic symbol for the story that is hard to express otherwise.

For that reason, my tattoo and its story could probably never be put into words that fully express my feelings and experiences of being within, and without my mother’s presence. This tattoo is my late mother’s signature, with a piece of lavender. I chose it to be tattooed for its simple beauty, my admiration of her and her handwriting; along with this flower representing so much. I guess this signature would represent all the times she signed her name in this world and showed how she and the signature evolved to be what they are today. It has evolved into a sign of her lived experiences from her adolescence when she formed the signature, into adulthood, motherhood and beyond; a sign of her strength to endure, her unshakable calmness and patience she held within this world. Representing the life she lived. Lived in a comparable manner to the art of tattooing itself. Significant signatures she would have penned within my lifetime that come to mind are the day I was born - on my birth certificate; followed by the monumental yet complicated birth of my twin sisters – on their birth certificates; and after years of living under the pressure of various cancers, would be the last time she signed papers giving medical permission of her next cancer treatment. All of these milestones in her life she saw as opportunities to grow, to be present in her life and cherish her children growing and dreaming of their futures. She knew no limit of time to grow, as she knew there was eternal opportunity to grow outwards into the world. I could sense she knew I would inevitably grow into my own skin, find my own way in the world; never pushing me to become or conform to my social surroundings - just letting me become me. She knew I had all my potential within me, and she would trust in me so I could trust in myself. I carry this trust with myself to this day, trying to hold onto it and this tattoo serves as an eternal reminder to trust in myself in everything I do.

She cherished the personal, intimate, nurturing development of natural human experience in all forms of sensation, within the natural and social world. She taught me how to engage my senses in the environment around me, often focusing on which smells had various effects on the mind and body. The smell of a lavender flower in any form becomes a reminder of her favourite essential oil to use within our house and in her massage practice, which would bring calmness to all who stepped into our home. She embraced the calming effects that lavender had over oneself, by literally living a calm life. Being calm and patient with us children, her partner’s children, her long-term partner and their often-conflicting relationship. But importantly, she was patient with herself to live a fulfilling life regardless of circumstances. Issues would arise but they would peacefully pass, because she would listen, she would care and help find a solution. Doing the same in a conversation with herself. Often, she uncovered that the one with the problem would also possess the solution, as she facilitated the difficult and confronting conversations, while she led by example by reflecting upon her own actions - causing others to follow. She truly understood what it meant to be human and embraced it honestly, acknowledging life’s beauty, flaws and all. 


She also wore colours of lavender; eloquently becoming her signature colour, flower and scent. Now and for the rest of my family and I’s existence, including my long-term partner – Cassy, this smell brings us a sense of home and love, the pure loving nature of her presence. The colour purple of its various forms, continues as a reminder of her elaborate wardrobe of deep purple corduroy jeans, lilac skivvy’s and bold purple jackets. Inspiring thoughts of her within us when we see and admire these colours around us. Agelessly, the piece of lavender of my tattoo encompasses so much of her; so many memories, smells, experiences and inspires a sense of comfort in the idea that I too can live calmly and peacefully because I have been raised by this beautiful woman. Recently we acknowledged what would be her 57th birthday and it was just as emotionally diverse as the times we spent with her. Picking some deep purple and lilac flowers from the home we grew up in was a reminder that she lives within everything that we can connect her to. Our minds will not allow her to decease so long we maintain connections with her in the environment around us, in conversations with people who knew her and in our memory of her. Analogous to how this tattoo acknowledges these ideas. Emotions will continue to run strong and deep, often swelling up inside - but the patience and calmness we learned from her will allow the uneasy feelings to pass and see our lives just as she would have seen: an opportunity to eternally grow.